To stress about my DH's career

[Dietcokebae]

I'm new here, so hi everyone! I don't know if IABU about my DH's career prospects.

I have a job that pays well and has excellent career progression but is very demanding (long hours, high expectations etc). I really enjoy it but I understand that it may become difficult when we start a family (we v recently started ttc).

My husband works in a job which he loves and which pays reasonably well but offers practically zero scope for career progression and not much job security. There is nowhere for him to be promoted from where he is. He's incredibly clever and very hardworking and personable, so in a career with progression potential he could go really far.

For a long time while I was studying for my professional qualifications he was the breadwinner, though I now earn more than him. Neither of us has the slightest problem with that. I'm worried, however, that when (if!) we have a baby, I'll be under a huge amount of pressure to return to my job v quickly in order to ensure we have enough money. I also wouldn't be able to work part time as our combined income wouldn't be enough for our bills and mortgage etc.

I've spoken to my DH a few times about his career and he agrees that he needs to look for something else. He's so talented he could do almost anything - but time is ticking (both now 30) and I'm worried that the longer he leaves it the less employable he is.

The thing I find frustrating is that he won't take any active steps to decide what he needs to do next. I have researched loads of possible careers and he has dismissed them all as uninteresting, but never done any research of his own. I've suggested we put ttc on hold while he retrains if needed but he isn't keen. This has been going on for over a year with no progress - we are stuck in a cycle of him agreeing that he needs to decide what he wants to do, but never doing anything about it.

If I really thought he would be happy for ever in his job I wouldn't push it and I would find a way of making it work, but I don't think he will be happy there forever. It's a waste of his talents and he will get bored.

AIBU to want him to take this seriously and start putting some real effort into making plans for the future?

You need a frank discussion about the financials of having a baby and how it’s all going to work.

I've been thinking that the OP sounds like my DM. She's constantly on about me going back into studying to improve my career options. She's right, of course, I'm a SAHM with 2 adopted DDs of 8 and 5, but she just goes on and on at a time when we're facing serious behavioural problems connected with DD1's Attachment Disorder. Once she's had the therapy we're waiting for, I'll be in a better position to consider my options.

She also goes on at my DH about ways to improve his career prospect, which he really resents.

I think you just need to back off, OP. Your DH is aware that it's something he needs to think about. I expect he'll think about it when he's ready to, probably once you've had a baby and he's on parental leave, or even a SAHP with time to apply for jobs.