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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is is this normal conversation . .

79 replies

Justmyownself · 03/01/2018 13:11

Been here on and off for a few years, lurking mostly but decided to set up a new account as I need some perspective on something that happened over Christmas.

My DH and I (together 7 years, married 4 years)had invited his sister (SIL) to spend Christmas with us. We have done this for the past three years as she is divorced (no kids) and there are no other family living in this part of the country. SIL is 41, my DH is 40.

SIL has never been easy to get on with. On our first meeting she invited us to stay over at her house, which is a two hour drive away. Later that night (we had all been in her local for a drink) she had been talking about a new guy she was dating, who apparently still lived with the mother of his one month old baby, but assured her it was just until he found his own place. I mentioned in conversation that hopefully he was being honest with her about the situation. She went ballistic, stood up in the middle of the pub and started to shout at me and my DH. She called me a fake, said I was only with my DH be had his own house, then left the pub and actually locked us out of her her house at two in the morning on a freezing January night. Things havent ever been great between us, but for the sake of my DH I have tried to get along, and we see her (she comes to stay at ours) every few weekends.

The year before last, she got grunk on Christmas day and had another blow up because I told her she was a bit rude for banning me from my own kitchen while she was cooking (she offered to cook Christmas lunch while she stayed over). When I say banning me I actually mean it, when I walked in she stoood in front of me and told me to leave. Not in a playful manner, she was deadly serious. My DH told her to stop being silly and she then lost it. Grabbed her keys, called me a bitch and walked out. She drove two hours back to her house, having just drank a bottle and a half of wine!

Fast Forward to this past Christmas. We again invited her up. First day was ok. Christmas morning she got up and did the usual cooking routien (dont ask!). I got up and came down stairs wearing the necklace my DH had given to me for Chriatmas. Its not exactly worth thousands but my DH saved up to get me something special this yeara and I know it wasnt cheap. When I walked into the living room my SIL walked up to me, looked at the necklace and then asked me

"What did you buy my brother that cost the same?"

I was too stunned to reply, I made some excuse and left the room.

Later that morning she again stopped me from goong into the kitchen. I told her

"Dont tell me where I can and cant go in my own house"

She lost it and again grabbed her keys and attwmpted to drive drunk back to her house. This time DH grabbed her keys and told her if she went anywhere near the car he would call the police.

When she asked me about the necklace she was sober. That wasnt a normal thing to ask somebody was it? I only memtion the other things for context. Is this normal behaviour?

AIBU for letting her get to me and "answering back".?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 03/01/2018 13:14

I don't know why you are bothering having anything to do with her.
She obviously is very hard work and clearly doesn't like you.
Let her stew

LittleLights · 03/01/2018 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnowannaRainbow · 03/01/2018 13:16

She's a nut job, why do you keep inviting her?

Idontdowindows · 03/01/2018 13:19

I wouldn't invite her again. You've been more than patient, she obviously doesn't like you and has no intention of hiding it. I'm sure the only reason she cooks is because she doesn't think you're capable of cooking a proper meal.

KC225 · 03/01/2018 13:22

I wonder why she's single

Ohyesiam · 03/01/2018 13:23

I could understand meeting to outside the house, or your husband meeting her on a one to one. But why invite her fur Christmas? She sounds like a very hard work, unpleasant house guest.
Every time you ask her you are giving the impression that her behaviour is ok.

KC225 · 03/01/2018 13:25

Seriously, you need to stop inviting her. Enough now. Her behaviour is bizzare. Tell your DH to suggest she stays with friends or makes an effort to go to the other part of the country with family for next Christmas.

toriatoriatoria · 03/01/2018 13:26

I'd stop inviting her for Christmas. I wouldn't put up with someone speaking to me like than in my own home.

StealthNinjaMum · 03/01/2018 13:28

It does sound like she thinks you're only with dh for his money but it sounds like he at least realises this isn't normal behaviour and perhaps you can stop inviting her over at Christmas.

MayFayner · 03/01/2018 13:29

I can't fathom having to deal with this level of aggression in my own home. I do understand it's awkward with family but... no.

Put your foot down. You will have to cook your own breakfasts and Christmas dinners though Grin

RedDogsBeg · 03/01/2018 13:31

Stop inviting her to your house for Christmas or any other reason. If your dh wants to see her he can go and visit her or meet her somewhere else.

You should not put up with this behaviour in your home from anyone, she should no longer be welcome in your home and your husband should understand why. Frankly, how dare she commandeer your kitchen and bar you access to it? It's your house and your kitchen you live there she is a guest.

SIL does not like you and doesn't think you are worthy of her brother and that will never change. Your dh and you need to stop enabling her to take her dislike of you out on you.

MissionItsPossible · 03/01/2018 13:31

Although she sounds very unhinged I do think it's quite rude that you commented on the validity of her relationship when you had only just met the woman. I wouldn't have gone ballistic, especially in a pub, but I would be quietly thinking what has it got to do with her?

Hatsoffdear · 03/01/2018 13:31

I wouldn’t have anything to do with her op. She sounds unhinged. Why would you invite her to your house ever?

Zatsuma · 03/01/2018 13:32

I wonder why she's single

Grin
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 03/01/2018 13:32

Honestly OP...I don't have any sympathy because you keep inviting her back!

Seriously? It's like you're a glutton for punishment.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 03/01/2018 13:33

She sounds incredibly bitter OP

Have as little to do with her as you can get away with.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 03/01/2018 13:36

She’s an alcoholic, not known for their consideration to others. Stop inviting her. Stop socialising with her. This is who she is and who she will always be. Let her get on with it elsewhere. Report her for drink driving.

hungryhippo90 · 03/01/2018 13:36

Kick her into touch OP, tell her she’s not invited to yours at Christmas, because of her behaviour.
I’d even go a bit further and tell her, you know she doesn’t like you, that you also don’t like her, but as an adult you’ve always been polite to her as to not put DH in a uncomfortable situation.

ButchyRestingFace · 03/01/2018 13:36

Lol, from a purely anthropological point of interview, she certainly sounds like interesting company.

Like all the PP, I don’t understand why you keep inviting her. Confused

Is it to see whether she can ‘outdo’ her efforts on previous visits?

Lovely333 · 03/01/2018 13:37

You should have called the police when she drunk drove home.

She sounds mad stay away from her.

SheGotOffThePlane · 03/01/2018 13:38

Christmas aside, why the fuck does she stay at yours every few weeks?? Surely the festive season is more than enough to have to deal with this nutter?

MiddleClassProblem · 03/01/2018 13:39

MissionItsPossible I agree. Her reactions are totally OTT but on your first meeting with her I think it wasn’t your place to say to her that you thought her boyfriend could be playing her. And yes, being territorial in the kitchen is odd but not unheard of. I think you’re a bit rude to her, she thinks you’re after DHs money and is a total irrational hothead.

Agree not to inviting her again. His relationship with her can be independent of you.

Wouldn’t be surprised if this was a reverse either.

RhiannonOHara · 03/01/2018 13:40

She's a solid gold cunt.

Obviously don't have her at your house again.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 03/01/2018 13:44

she sounds like an alcoholic. She sounds like someone your husband needs to manage, as there is no way I'd be dealing with her- and she wouldn't be welcome in my home either. Unless it was all managed, By my husband, as she is his problem (as my mother in law is, she's not my problem, she's his!)

ProperLavs · 03/01/2018 13:44

She has mental health issues, stop inviting her unless she admits she has a problem and deals with it.