To wish DH would stop wasting food on his son?

[YeahYeahz]

Bear with me -

DSS is 19 and autistic. This means his diet is very limited to plain pizza, chicken nuggets and pasta and sauce type stuff.

DH however insists on "trying" him with new stuff that he just doesn't want. Example - Christmas meal out DSS asked for a plain burger. DH said "but they do bacon and cheese burgers! Or look, kebab burgers! Chilli burgers even ... "

DSS kept saying no, he only wanted plain. No cheese, nothing.

So DH comes back with a cheese burger saying "just try it, it's nice". DSS took one look at it and pushed the plate away leaving the entire burger, chips, salad etc untouched. He then went and hid in the bathroom for half an hour.

DH does this all the time!! Just try this lamb, you'll love it ... cue, big plate of lamb gets wasted.

Just let the lad eat what he wants rather than him going hungry and shit tons of food going to waste, surely?

This time of year isn't great for us, the whole change to routine and run up to Christmas has made the restrictiveness around food worse. It always does

Oh god yes to this! The whole atmosphere of Halloween to Christmas unsettles my lot every year, although coping strategies help, but combine that with moving house (yes I know, I’m a twat for doing it in December, won’t be making that mistake again!) and two heavy duty doses of chickenpox and this year has been a belter.

My ds has asd traits and issues with food/texture/temperature. He only eats certain food. Even worse with his multiple food allergies.
He eats same lunch every single day. Dinner is slightly varied but still very limited choices. I tried to make him try in the past, and some I have succeeded. Now I can sort of tell which one he may try, but very rarely introduce new things. I would rather he eats something, than force him to eat something and end up him not eating at all.

You're right and your husband is an arsehole.

We had chicken legs for dinner tonight, plus potatoes, peas, and corn.

Ds1 ate the chicken, corn, and potatoes. Refused to have peas on his plate.

Ds2 ate the corn,potatoes and peas. Initially, he refused to touch any of it,deciding that he couldn't eat anything but spag bol (what we usually make when they're both stressed - comfort food for them). We sat down, discussed that the chicken was already cooked,so I couldn't cook spag bol, but agreed to cook it tomorrow. He opted for bread and jam in place of the chicken. Then when he got partway through his veg, decided he could try the chicken after all. He ate a couple bites and panicked, getting up from the table. No point pushing him as next time we have chicken, he'd likely refuse if he associates it with stress.

It really all comes down to their level of stress, their coping skills, what food they're presented with and how it's presented IMO.It's not a matter of "eat what you get or go without" because mine would just go without. For a very long time.

Sorry, it's NOT a matter of "eat what you get or go without" with mine, as they'd just go without. Distracted.

Spot on Ginger, the “they’ll eat when they’re hungry” approach wouldn’t work with mine either. They would quite literally starve, so some days I go with “whatever they’ll eat will have to do” if they’re particularly stressed.

Our ASD son would only eat 5 different foods for many years....we have encouraged him to try different thing and whilst it has taken some time (DS2 is now 18) he has widened his choices. We only did it at home as I'm not wasting money when eating out but it has slowly worked in that he is becoming more willing to try a variation on his norm i.e. now has bacon and cheese on a burger rather than plain (but it has taken a number if years) but will not eat a "dirty burger" as it contains a meat he knows he doesn't want to try.

Even if you cast any ASD/sensory/food phobia issues to the side it’s a terrible strategy.

How many NT people with no food issues would be happy to go to a restaurant, pick something off the menu, then have to repeatedly refuse someone hassling you to try something else before being given something you didn’t order because they thought you should try it.

I don’t know if many people’s response to that would be ‘yeah, you’re right I’m going to eat this instead’.

It was very disempowering for your partner to change dss’s order behind his back.
IME if someone is set against eating something they wont change their mind because someone tries to force it on them.

I would second the poster upthread who mentioned buffet style serving as my ASD ds has opened up to several new foods when laid out without pressure and seeing other help themselves

His mistake is trying to do it in a restaurant where ds is expecting a definite meal and as said creating a big situation. As said above small amounts on the plate initially just sitting there (under OT or Salt supervision) Then we would try simply touching the food on the child's lips. When comfortable progress to a lick, tiny bite spit out, tiny bite swallow etc. Very very slow. And no pressure, lots of praise and rewards, no forcing etc.

EKP

He is not a child he is an adult who has not consented to participate in any sensory food based treatment and has actively declined doing so.

Whenever it's your turn to cook or order food is be making things that your dh doesn't like, every single time. I'd continue until the twat realised what a bully he is being. His son is 19, not 2!