Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

anyone else disappointed with NCT group/friends?

87 replies

DIngdongmerryilyonhigh · 02/01/2018 08:17

Everyone told me I should do NCT because I'll make a group of lifelong friends with a shared experience but, 18 months on none of us are in touch. My group of five were an older group we all are 35+ and everyone has a career. The first six months we met up regularly as you do. By this time two of the group were already saying motherhood wasn't what they expected it to be like, much harder, and they couldn't wait to go back to work. By nine months everyone but me was back at work so all the meet ups stopped, everyone seemed to return to their usual friendships and by my DD's first birthday only two of the group turned up.

Anyone else found their NCT group hasn't offered the friendships they'd hoped? Every class/group I go to seems to be full of NCT groups.

OP posts:

alletik · 02/01/2018 11:22

I'm lucky that I'm still in touch with mine, and this thread has reminded me to get on and organise our next meet up.

We were very different people, and some of the mums were people I wouldn't have naturally befriended in real life. But, I was lucky that although we're very different people, we get on great, and from an early age, we were more interested in socialising and drinking than being Mother Earth types.

The children are 14 now, so we only get together during half terms etc but I see the mums more than the children get together. After 14 years, they've become good friends and I would miss them now. Unfortunately one of the group moved abroad, and one dropped out. But the other 4 of us still regularly meet up.

UnitedKungdom · 02/01/2018 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnitedKungdom · 02/01/2018 11:31

Oh fuck, wrong thread!

DonkeyOil · 02/01/2018 11:34

Stock up on rice, pasta, lentils, quorn, cups cous so you always have a base in supply.

Good advice on how to keep NCT friends, UnitedKungdom

DonkeyOil · 02/01/2018 11:40

I was so lucky with my NCT ante-natal group. There were 5 of us. No-one went back to work full-time, or at all, till the dc were older (it was the early 90s, so maybe things were different then), we all stayed in the same area and have remained good friends. Not in each others pockets, but coffee/meals out/ dc's Birthdays (till they hit their teens!) and much needed support through some difficult times for all of us.

wanderlust99 · 02/01/2018 11:54

I didn't do NCT and I don't know anyone who did it either. I did do the standard NHS Parent craft but cannot imagine using it as a way to make friends. Other than the icebreaker in week 1 no one actually spoke to each other.

UnitedKungdom · 02/01/2018 12:26

Wanderlust, NCT is a bit different in format. We were in the NCT facilitators home and she provided drinks and home baking for the first 15-30mins😅 So there was quite a bit of socialising in the sessions. Very relaxed format and quite personalised (in that we were all encouraged to chat beyond the mechanics of the birth and baby). There were quickly coffee dates set up between NCT sessions, even before babies started arriving. The dads all had a night out too beforehand. By the time the classes were over and babies born we all knew each other pretty well.

ballroompink · 02/01/2018 12:58

Can't believe some of the awful experiences people have had with antenatal class bitching - people are horrible!

I actually did do NCT to find friends as I knew no-one with babies or young children when I got pregnant with DS1. We gelled reasonably well (7 couples) and were a real lifeline for each other during the hard mat leave months. One couple have since moved away, one couple we see very occasionally as they are a bit flaky but still nice and one couple managed to fall out with everyone and are not in touch. The other four couples including us see each other a handful of times a year, five years on. We're not best friends but get on well and still have time for each other. We all work either FT or PT so are pretty busy.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/01/2018 13:06

I gate crashed an nct group when dd1 was6 months. They just let me in and I never left. I honestly don't know where I would be without them they are the most loyal, intelligent and loving group of friends I have ever had and the kids now 8 are like siblings. They nurses me through my divorce and having dd2 alone.

elliejjtiny · 02/01/2018 13:36

I didn't do nct but I did NHS antenatal classes, breastfeeding group and baby weighing clinic with ds1 and I did breastfeeding group, sn baby/toddler group and a baby sensory group at the children's centre with ds2. I am still in touch with a few people from those groups now and my boys are now 11 and 9. I'm still in touch via facebook with a lady who's mum was in NHS antenatal classes with my mum and we are now 35. Which must be some kind of record (awaits stories from posters who are still friends with someone whose great granny went to antenatal classes with their great granny!)

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 02/01/2018 14:13

I’m glad I did NCT as I’ve made some good friends that I’m still in touch with 3 years later. We don’t meet up as as frequently as the original maternity leaves days and a couple have moved abroad but we still chat on the WhatsApp group and there are still regular meetup invites that some can or can’t attend. Again it helped that about 4 of the members are in the same profession so we have plenty to talk about outside babies.

GhostsToMonsoon · 02/01/2018 14:28

Yes, I had high hopes of my NCT group. I thought I'd have a ready-made group of friends that would hopefully last for years.

The groups in my area took place at the weekend (one Saturday and one Sunday, plus one evening which was about breastfeeding) rather than over a series of evenings. I was placed on one when I would have been 37 weeks. I asked to move to an earlier one and it was a good thing I did as my son arrived on the day I was originally due to do the NCT course!

We had a Facebook group and each others' email addresses. No-one else suggested a meetup so when DS was about 2 months old I sent them all an email suggesting a meet up. One person didn't reply, one had tragically had a stillbirth at 34 weeks and the rest of us met up when the babies were about 3 months old. Then nothing ever happened again. It's a bit of a shame - maybe I should have made more effort, but although the meet up was pleasant enough no-one seemed to particularly gel.

Postnatal groups and toddler groups were a bit better, although I remember feeling miserable when one group of NCT mums always used to go to each other's houses for lunch after one of the toddler groups.

Flip

1 2 3 4