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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited and then sent pics?

72 replies

Padstowonthames · 01/01/2018 17:50

I am a new poster but have often read the AIBU. I am in a whatsapp group with some friends. There is quite a lot of history with three of the women being v cliquey to the point of saying 'we're a three' at times, despite us all being in our late 40s! So...I saw them at xmas, sometimes we meet up at new year but nothing was said this year. Today they have been posting pics to the wattsapp group of them away enjoying a break together for new year. We look to be the only people in the whatsapp group who aren't there! We were not invited and wierdly nothing was said. What I don't understand is why post pictures of them all together? There are loads of these messages popping up! Unintentional or passive aggressive bitchy? AIBU to be hurt?

OP posts:
CurryWorst · 01/01/2018 17:52

Is it three of them plus you? Perhaps they have been trying to tell you for a while that they don't consider you as close a friend as they do each other...." we are a three" seems pretty blunt.

Namechangetempissue · 01/01/2018 17:53

Well, it is clearly intentional that they haven't invited you. I think that is actually very mean and I wouldn't want to be the add on at convenient times mate. Leave the WhatsApp group and find some nicer friends!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/01/2018 17:55

I’d probably leave the WhatsApp group.

TheWitchAndTrevor · 01/01/2018 18:00

Who's we?

TheWitchAndTrevor · 01/01/2018 18:01

Who's we?

Namechangetempissue · 01/01/2018 18:01

Presume its a friends and partners group TheWitch.

FlyingElbows · 01/01/2018 18:05

How many of you make up "we"?

SuperPug · 01/01/2018 18:08

Why waste your time with grown adults who behave like this?

confusedofengland · 01/01/2018 18:09

I have had similar but with a bigger group of 'friends' & a party in the village rather than an outing. Been trying not to care, but it's difficult. For me it brings up deep-seated insecurities about never being good enough to fit in.

So I understand how you feel OP. Just try to remind yourself of all the good things you have in your life without them & chin up Smile

MsJolly · 01/01/2018 18:10

I would leave the WhatsApp group so I didn't need to see any more of their shit. And fuck them off as they are not friends. I have supposed friends like this and my NY resolution is to get them out of my life as they only bring me misery and make me feel like shit.

chuckiecheese · 01/01/2018 18:11

Are they friends?

How many people?

Presumably they only invited who they wanted to attend? Hurtful-yes.

Distance yourself and reduce contact, be unavailable occasionally and then reduce contact to nothing.

Adults behaving like children - not nice. 😔

Namechangetempissue · 01/01/2018 18:11

I had a friend (one of my best) who loved this sort of shit -the divide and conquer, the leaving one out power play. She rotated her favourites in the group so there was always one person excluded. I wised up and cut her out of my life. No more group chats etc. I'm SO MUCH happier.

Original poster
Padstowonthames · 01/01/2018 18:14

Just to clarify 'we' is a local friendship group that consists of couples and our kids. We traditionally meet up for walks/drinks. There are about 5 families in the group, one works shifts so not always around. It just fels odd. Why would I want to see these pics? I feel my insecurities coming out, they do have form!!

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/01/2018 18:15

It Used to happen with my now very exfriends. I bumped into one of their aunties who saI'd. Oh why don't you go down there. Life's too short to be falling out. My reply was Life is too short to be treated like a mug and they should have treated me as good as they treat each other.

Tinselistacky · 01/01/2018 18:16

New year =new friends.
Nobody needs being snubbed rubbed in their face.

Straycatblue · 01/01/2018 18:19

Just to clarify 'we' is a local friendship group that consists of couples and our kids. We traditionally meet up for walks/drinks. There are about 5 families in the group, one works shifts so not always around. It just fels odd. Why would I want to see these pics? I feel my insecurities coming out, they do have form!!

So 3 couples went away and 2 couples werent invited, thats just weird behaviour. As others have said, I would disengage and leave the group, life is too short for that nonsense.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2018 18:22

Get rid of them. Just leave the group. Delete them from your life.

wednesdayswench · 01/01/2018 18:26

So two couples were excluded?

Or just one couple (you and your DH)?

If you are the only couple excluded I would 'leave' the WhatsApp group. And move on from these people.

If you and another couple were excluded I'd just 'mute' the group for a while and give it some thought as to whether I wish to continue with the friendship in the new year.

You are NBU to be hurt and upset, they clearly don't give a flying fuck about your feelings.

Mxyzptlk · 01/01/2018 18:27

Maybe they think their friendship of three is a separate thing to the group of neighbours?
And also think that pics on the WhatsApp group are okay, and you'll be happy for them?

Do you feel that you are good enough friends with them that you should have been invited on the break?

ChocolateWombat · 01/01/2018 18:27

It isn't necessary for everyone to do absolutely everything together though is it? In any friendship group of a reasonable size, there will be times when smaller groups get together to do something - abs fine, as far as I'm concerned.

This sounds like one of those things where OP and many posters are keen to look to take offence.

It could be that some of the group are closer friends than others in the group. Again, isn't this perfectly normal in groups of a reasonable size.

Probably the right response is a reply saying something like 'happy new year to everyone. LOoks like you had a great time'

And next year, if you feel keen to join in, then in the early autumn, just ask if something is being planned....or accept that perhaps these 3 like a weekend away as a smaller group...and that's fine too and not a designed slight against you. Sounds like low self esteem at work here rather than deliberate exclusion and nastiness.

ReanimatedSGB · 01/01/2018 18:31

It might be a bit of a crossover. If these three people had a friendship that existed before the WhatsApp group, then they may well consider themselves closer to each other than to the rest of you, and therefore they are not being particularly unreasonable.

I belong to a WhatsApp group for a team I am part of - people sometimes discuss activities that do not include the entire team on there and AFAIK no one is upset by this (some of the team had a NYE party involving board games and no booze. I was invited but politely declined as I would rather stick my head in a bucket of spiders had other plans.)

Do you have other friends outside this group?

Fossie · 01/01/2018 18:31

If you want to be generous to them, suggest they have more than one WhatsApp group. I’m in several that overlap people but have slightly different reasons to exist. Sometimes someone posts to the wrong group and we can all see who knows each other better or in other contexts.

If you value the walks, drinks side with everyone then suggest ‘the three’ have their own group for those sort of outings. They would then also be pushed to explain if their outings were open to all.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 01/01/2018 18:33

I’d just go and find proper friends tbh

Original poster
Padstowonthames · 01/01/2018 18:36

I don't generally have self esteem issues thanks. I'm happy with my life, have a successful career etc. This 'sometimes in/sometimes out' behaviour does my head in though. They are all v bitchy at times, have lots to say about other people and their own husbands that isn't kind! I'm not always around due to work and don't get involved in the bitching!! But they can also be good fun. I am probably best shot of them or taking a step back.

OP posts:
Original poster
Padstowonthames · 01/01/2018 18:37

Yes. I have other friends luckily!

OP posts:
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