Not invited and then sent pics?

[Padstowonthames]

I am a new poster but have often read the AIBU. I am in a whatsapp group with some friends. There is quite a lot of history with three of the women being v cliquey to the point of saying 'we're a three' at times, despite us all being in our late 40s! So...I saw them at xmas, sometimes we meet up at new year but nothing was said this year. Today they have been posting pics to the wattsapp group of them away enjoying a break together for new year. We look to be the only people in the whatsapp group who aren't there! We were not invited and wierdly nothing was said. What I don't understand is why post pictures of them all together? There are loads of these messages popping up! Unintentional or passive aggressive bitchy? AIBU to be hurt?

Whilst I can understand splinter groups. That's fine. You can't all do the same thing at the same times, it's extremely rude to post all the pictures on the group chat to people who weren't invited.

That does feel rather passive agressive. Op you say they have form - what have they done in the past?

I'd personally be distancing myself. Unless there was some techy reason they found it hard to start a new separate group (I have some friends like this. They just go with the flow but wouldn't have the first idea of how to start a new thread or group!)

I had a very similar situation with a group of women from university, baring mind all in our early thirties to! I will not engage with drama so I just removed myself from them, no Facebook etc and just said I'd say a civil hello. They eventually turned quite cruel, blanking me when I waved and smiled when I bumped into them despite it being them who made sure I was left out of everything I do feel like these people love a power trip and we're probably the school bullies. Myself and another women that got pushed out the group both wised up and now have a new friendship group which is rid of the silly behaviour. I suggest you do the same!

Sadly the school bitches generally never change.

Just note it and treat them accordingly. They are your D list friends now.

These 3 deserve one another...and they will bitch about each other to one another no doubt...so all in all two faced and not what you can call friends.
Don't let them get to you as it can suck the 'emotional life' out of you if you let it.
They sound like a nasty bunch and you don't need their aggravation in your life.

I’ve got exactly the same situation with family. A huge night organised last night and no invite: horrible horrible thing to do to people. Especially posting pics and comments about how wonderful it all was.

Has made me feel really down today as I’d never treat anybody like that. I’d come out of the group and if asked why I’d give an honest answer.

Rude and inconsiderate of them.

Leave them to their three. Why should you be a satellite friend who gets excluded? They are not real friends to you.

Chocolate You said It isn't necessary for everyone to do absolutely everything together though is it? In any friendship group of a reasonable size, there will be times when smaller groups get together to do something - abs fine, as far as I'm concerned.

No, it isn't necessary. But then you don't send pics round the rest of the group or post them on Facebook to make the others feel cold shouldered or left out. THAT's the shit part, not the actual meeting up in smaller numbers.

Again, it depends on the specifics but: loads of people share pics of what they are up to on social media, without the expectation that they should have invited everyone they know to whatever it was. Often the person sharing a pic is not doing a 'look how much more fun than you I am', more 'Wahay, I'm having fun.'

They should’ve formed a new WA group for just them and posted the pics there.
Some people are so stupid.

Sounds very selfish of them. I agree that you’re perhaps best taking a step back and possibly leaving the WhatsApp group.

They sound a bit toxic TBH. I would leave the group, they will be notified of this, and leave them to their weird childish cliquey gang

Well, you said hourself they are bitches. Clearly they are being true to form.

I'd rather have no friends than call these lot friends.
I hate groups too, it's an extension of playground games where the adults haven't grown up.

Wow...that’s really inappropriate. Fair enough they had a get together and can invite who they want but to then rub your faces in it....very weird and very unfriendly! Talk about braggy! If it was me I’d deactivate from that group and set up another chat just with the other person who wasn’t invited. Organise things the two of you only. I wouldn’t engage in any discussion about it. If they message doing the fake shock “why aren’t you in the group anymore” ignore, ignore ignore...they know full well what they’ve done. Bitchy.

I had a similar discussion with someone recently about a similar situation.

Discussion was whether this is acceptable. I think it's a horrible way to treat anyone. Just plain mean.

If you want to meet in a smaller group then fine, don't post pictures and discuss. It's just mean!

I'm in a few Whatsapp groups and I would not let this happen.

What ChocolateWombat said.
Yes, if some of my friends have done something nice, I am more than happy to see a few pictures. I don't expect them to take me away with them when they go, but as their friend I am happy to see them having fun / treating themselves / enjoying themselves.

Sounds like these couples bring little to your life. I'd ignore the pics and mute the group. I wouldn't bother leaving, if they are passive aggressive they'l get off on it. Ignore and mute, find new friends and hang out with the other couple if you want to.

If 3 couples went and 2 didn't I don't see the issue. You're not joined at the hip nor do you need to be invited to anything.
You don't seem overly keen on them either from what you've written on here!

We had this - only found out adult dd1 wasn't invited to her cousin's hen do when we saw photos on FB of them all having a fantastic time on a weekend away about 2 months before the wedding. Come to think of it, I wasn't invited either. We didn't even know it was happening.

Why would you be invited to your neices hen do, or your dd to her cousins? Why would you know it was happening?

The problem here is people who think they should be invited to everything and can't understand when they aren't. It's so needy.

Not unreasonable for them to go away together and not ask everyone but to post the pics in the WhatsApp group isn't good.

Have you commented on them? Put something like "where was my invite?"

So these 3 couples just see themselves as closer to each other than to you and the other couple. If you can live with that - and they are otherwise lovely, inclusive and good fun - then there's no problem with you continuing a friendship with them. Accepting their closer friendship wouldn't especially bother me, particularly if I had other sets of friends as well.

Kind of tactless of them to post to a Whatsapp group, possibly.

Also, if you didn't know about it was that because you didn't approach them to find out about possible NY plans?

@curryworst I was moh to my cousin and she to me and her mum was definitely at my hen because she's my aunt and I love her and wanted her there. Why wouldn't someone want to go to their cousins or nieces hen if they're close?