AIBU feel that my family will never recover from this

[DaughterOfEvening]

Something terrible happened to a close family member. A few years ago. It was a fairly high profile incident and the inquest has resulted in further legal processes.

My eldest child has been utterly devastated by the events but has made it through another year with the help of family, friends & the NHS. Life has just been a series of sad anniversaries. So many family members have been affected so deeply by this and I just cannot see an end to the pain. Adult life was just beginning for my child and the cruel way it was snatched away is something that I feel they will never recover from no matter how much support I can provide.

I truly cannot see that things will get better even with every form of therapy at my disposal. I just think this kind of tragedy is something that nobody can move on from.

I suppose my question is should I just accept that this pain will continue and there is nothing I can do to stop it, I just treat the symptoms & be glad for each day that my child remains in this world, no matter how much pain they are in?

This sounds awful. Are there support groups for you to be able to talk to others about how you are feeling?

I'm guessing your child is suicidal from the trauma of this event?
This will be a very long road for you... you will probably need to learn to live differently for a while as some things simply can't be undone.
for you, life is very cruel sometimes xx

I agree with ticketytock my family went through a traumatic time after the sudden death of a close family member which led to a court case ours was also quite high profile our family wont ever be the same but we are slowly recovering what kind of support does your child have?

Op, I’m sorry. Whatever happened in your familiy has left the most awful legacy behind and for what it’s worth I truly believe there are things people can’t get over.

I believe there are feelings we have to find ways to live with and to be honest with you it can be a relief to accept this. It can actually help you find a different kind of peace.

I’m sorry if I’ve not explained this well.

Are there any support groups suitable? If not, would reading about the experiences of others be helpful? Josie Russell and her father spring to mind. Also Andre Hanscombe (Rachel Nickell's partner) and their son. Both high profile cases and there have been interviews with them over the years.

Are there others who have successfully managed to get through a similar trauma? Can a contact with them help?

Strength to cope with trauma and tragedy can come from councilling and intervention at the right time, and now would seem to be the right time for all of you, especially your child. There are wonderful bereavement and ptsd councillors out there, who work with charities and your family gp, priest or minister would be able to help you find the right one. I am sorry that you have all suffered.

Yes my eldest child has made several serious attempts at suicide. Our family has had every support. Life has changed in ways that I could not even imagine and I’m accepting of some of those things.

I too have experienced a very high profile tragedy in the family (reporters on the door step and phone calls from media)

I do worry about lasting affects of this event on my younger sibling

Has your child been given any antidepressants at all, if you don’t mind me asking?

I'm so sorry OP
All I've got is "time"
We all react differently. Just be there as you clearly are already. Sending love and hope x

This sounds incredibly sad and difficult, all rolled into one, and more.
Would moving away be feasible ?
I'm so sorry that you are all suffering this.

Time will help so sorry you have all suffered so much.

I’m so sorry OP. I think you need to take each day as it comes, and use all the resources you can to do so. Concentrate on the small victories, even if that’s simply ‘today wasn’t as bad as yesterday’ . Things will never be ‘normal’ as such, but the pain will become less intense.

I'm sorry for what you and your family are going through.

It's hard to answer your question without knowing what has happened but I do think it's possible that you won't get over it, yes. . Some things just get easier to deal with/feel less painful with time - but they don't go away.

Sorry, no advice as I cannot imagine this trauma. I just want to offer
I just hope that you can one day find a way.

I hope that time heals to the extent that it is possible and that your child survives this horrible time and comes out stronger. I send you thoughts and for seeing your child suffer like this.

I think in the immediate aftermath (and that can be the first five years or the first ten years), it is impossible to see how anyone can recover but, for some people and some events, the family and individuals eventually re-shape around the tragedy.
We had a tragedy in our family and it's ripples are still felt in very unexpected ways. None of the DCs involved have had the life path that they would have expected before the incident.They are still trying to find a way to process and cope.
But, we have friends who experienced a similar trauma many years earlier and I look at them and see they have re-shaped and processed their trauma. The complete devastation that visited their family in the aftermath has healed.

Thank-you to those who have shared your personal experiences. I’m not sure how to tag replies as this is my first time posting. I’m sure you have recognised some of my feelings. I know my family isn’t alone in having been devastated by things completely out of their control. I have made some tentative steps contacting a specific support group that exists for this kind of incident. My child was reluctant to engage with this group for a really awkward reason that I think would be identifying on here. There is a plan in place for the next few months. I suppose I’m just finding it hard to see an end to the physical pain.

Sorry to hear about your family's trauma. I wonder if DBT has been offered to your eldest? It's primarily for people with personality disorders, but some components of it such as distress tolerance and finding a life worth living might be helpful. It's also often effective for highly suicidal people.

When you say perhaps one just doesn't move on from some events, you're right in that life doesn't ever go back to how it was; but hopefully people can find a new normal in time, and some glimpses of a life worth living within that.

Yes this top has been an issue with my family. National & local press have been, on occasion, very poor. My youngest child has been on the receiving end of some insensitive school gossip as well.

For lots of reasons anti-depressants have been rejected by my child but I’m hoping that this will change soon.

Yes time is the thing. I just didn’t appreciate that I would still feel the same today as the day it happened. Thanks for your kindness.

I don't know what to say to help or make you feel better @daughter, but my thoughts are with you and your loved ones (whatever it is that happened.) And I hope you all come out of the other side this year.

Are you able to discuss it more with us, or is too identifying? Like was it big in the news?

(((HUGS)))