AIBU to ask this of DP?

[Mkla1]

Hi, im pretty new to mn so forgive me for not yet knowing all the abbreviations!
Whilst on a "romantic" pre new years break with DP i came across a photo of him and another girl with her breasts out. This other girl is a partner to DPs supposed friend. A little background (sorry if i ramble on), DP has in the past been unfaithful and we worked through this, or so i thought. Recently hes been putting me down making me feel generally a bit shi**y about myself whilst laughing it off as a "joke", you're getting chubby for e.g. This specific person in the picture has been used against me before, id be perfect if i was like her i should get a boob job like her ect ect. Anyway, after a long discussion i asked DP to delete this girl from social media and also her number. However this was met with the reaction i am being controlling and telling him who he can/cant be friends with and am now doubting myself thinking im overreacting to the situation as he says it was nothing more than a silly drunk photo. That may well be but it has destroyed the last of my confidence and left me embarrased about myself and feeling rather humiliated once again. Im wondering if i should also tell this girls partner? What would you do in this situation & do you think i abu?

The main thing that jumps out for me here, is that he enjoys making you feel shit by calling you names. For that alone, I wouldn’t want him in my life.

I think and going on everything else I would ditch the boyfriend. He doesn’t make you feel good about yourself at the minimum. You can’t change who he is.

Agree with posters above.
The biggest concern here is that he thinks it is ok to put you down, not who he is friends with.

YANBU. How would he feel if it was the other way around? Honestly, i would suggest you leave him. I would have left after he first cheated, but to be put down and the things he has said, they are bang out of order. If this was my DP then he would be on the streets right now. He is completely out of order to be saying the things he is and especially comparing you to someone else. Especially someone you know as well. He should love you no matter what you look like, and should never make you feel that way about yourself. LTB.

Err. He's right, you can't tell him who he is allowed to be friends with.

However, the girl is not the problem. If it wasn't her it would be someone else.
Your problem is him. he's putting you down, he's comparing you, and his behaviour has eroded your self confidence.

Now I'm not saying to LTB. But maybe you need to consider whether it is time to LTB.

Thank you for the replies. Im battling a head and heart decision here, heart says give him one last chance but in my head i know this is the wrong thing to do. Im so conflicted. He isnt normally this awful man, hes been bothering with a lot of people who have dragged him down and i feel hes taking the wrong path that they also have to nothingness. Normally he is my best friend and it upsets me to see what he is becoming. I think i need to do the difficult thing and walk away, i have tried my best to help over the years but he seems to be stuck in self destruct mode now and its painful to watch ☹

If it's nothing, talk to his friend about it - the one whose partner it is. See his reaction.

If I can give a man's perspective. YANBU. No man should be looking at any boobs except his partners. He is totally out of order.
He should be telling you how beautiful you are not putting you down.

God he sounds horrid. I’d rather be alone than with someone who cheats and constantly erodes my confidence. Make it your New Years resolution to ditch him.

Thethoughtfox- That is my plan, but i also know her partner can be agressive so has put me off slightly but at the same time i do think he deserves to know what his fiancee is up to.

He’s a wanker - just a total wanker. He will always be a sexist, toxic, critical, undermining waste of your time.

Do you want that?

Dump him.

after a long discussion i asked DP to delete this girl from social media and also her number. However this was met with the reaction i am being controlling and telling him who he can/cant be friends with and am now doubting myself thinking

You need to delete him! Tell him he isn't longer your friend!

Seriously dump him.

That man is NO good for you. If you stay with him, what will you life look like a year from now? Five years from now? If you get rid of him, what will your life look like then? I can't help thinking it would look much better without him! Don't let him take the piss any more and have a fantastic 2018!

and am now doubting myself thinking I'm overreacting to the situation as he says it was nothing more than a silly drunk photo

So, he'd be fine for you to remove your top and your bra, and pose for photo's with his mates?

And, he'd also be fine, if you had a photo on your phone, of you and a man with his dick out?

And, if it's all just soooo innocent, he'd be fine with you sending this photo to the girls Partner? And also posting it to facebook and tagging them both? Oh, imagine the laughs!

Funnily enough, even on my most drunken nights out, I have managed to keep my breasts inside my clothing.

He's being a total dick head!! I suspect that he is sleeping with her, sorry.

This specific person in the picture has been used against me before, id be perfect if i was like her i should get a boob job like her ect ect

And you stood for that comment? Fucking hell. He has ground you down, hasn't he?

My advice?

1. Dump him
2. Send the photo to the girls Partner

Who took the photo? I can't imagine any innocent circumstances where your p might be with his friend's topless p or want to keep a momento.

Msqueen33 - I think you may be right, i know i need to do it. I have been going through this so long now and i know i dont deserve it. Nobody in the world deserves to be made to feel worthless. Thank you all for being so helpful and helping me to see sense. It sometimes makes things easier, if thats the right word to use, to hear others opinions and know althought its hard im doing the right thing. I deserve to be happy and i need to remind myself that a little more often

Everything else aside, he makes you feel like shit so dump him.

That is my plan, but i also know her partner can be aggressive so has put me off slightly but at the same time i do think he deserves to know what his fiancee is up to

So? This is good news. Maybe your soon to be ex boyfriend can see in 2018, with 2 black eyes? Win-win.

The photo was a selfie of him and her taken by him.
He really has worm me down and reading some of these replies is making me realise just how much and i feel rather silly for not having noticed just how bad until its been pointed out to me

I wouldn't bother sending the photo to his friend. How do you know his friend doesn't already know about it?
As others have said the issue is that he puts you down and taunts you. Why would you stand for that?

he's a DICK .. get him to hell out your life OP

The photo was a selfie of him and her taken by him

So, they were alone. And her breasts were out. I wonder what they did after the selfie? Played scrabble?

I wouldn't waste one more minute on this tosser.

I would 100% send that photo to her boyfriend.

LTB - I promise you will feel much better about yourself without this wanker eroding your self esteem.

I think ive only put up with it so long because i know deep down he isnt this horrid excuse of a man hes became. Yet now i know i also cant get him back to the same loving caring person he once was. I think thats what hurts me the most is what hes turned into. Hes no longer the man i met and fell in love with all those years ago that man is mever coming back. I need to keep telling myself that and start this new year putting myself and my happiness first for the first time in a long time.

Not one thing you’ve said makes me think he’s a nice guy who deserves to be with you. Tell him you’ve got great news you’ve found a fab way to lose 150 lbs instantly- and then dump his ass