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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to learn from this please?

108 replies

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 30/12/2017 22:01

I think I'm just about over this - it's really upset me. (I've got another thread on this that I started a couple of days ago).

I started seeing a guy from Tinder earlier this month. We chatted a bit on Tinder then met up in person. I had a really nice evening, and I got the impression that he did too. We were chatting, laughing with each other and it really seemed that we were both enjoying it. He seemed like a really nice, sweet guy.

After seeing him then, we carried on chatting by text. We arranged a second date for a week or so later. When the day of the date came, I cancelled fairly last-minute (around a couple of hours before the evening, although we hadn't yet picked a specific time or place to meet), as I'd had an awful day. I apologised to him, and suggested we meet another time. He agreed, and was really nice about it.

We continued texting, and he asked around the 23rd if I'd be free to do something with him yesterday, as it was his day off. I said I was free, and that I'd like to do something. I texted him on the 28th to confirm, but never got a reply. I then just sent a quick message this morning just to ask if he fancied meeting up next week. He's checked his messages but hasn't replied.

AIBU to feel really hurt? It really upset me that we went from chatting and enjoying each others' company to absolute radio silence from him. This might sound utterly pathetic, but I'm finding it really hard to move on. We just seemed to be exactly on the same wavelength, but clearly we didn't want the same things or maybe he just got bored. I just feel really down and hurt.

OP posts:
WellAlwaysHaveParis · 02/01/2018 22:34

What should I do?

OP posts:
Worriedrose · 02/01/2018 22:44

Sack it off it's not worth it

MiddleClassProblem · 02/01/2018 22:57

Did you message back? If not you can just message back “I’m good. Happy new year. Hope you had a good one” or something. Then it’s up to him if he wants to engage in conversation but you are not desperately looking for a response or sounding clingy.

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 02/01/2018 23:11

Good idea MiddleClass. He said he's free this Thursday. Not sure how i should reply to that. Would quite like to see him again, as I did enjoy the last date.

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WellAlwaysHaveParis · 02/01/2018 23:11

Oh and sorry no I haven't messaged him back yet. Going to wait until tomorrow maybe.

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MiddleClassProblem · 02/01/2018 23:21

Well he’s still interested but maybe you don’t want to just jump because he asked. You could just say can’t do this week but offer another date. You could just go for it though. He’s proved sons of us wrong by getting back in contact and asking for a date. There are always exceptions.

MiddleClassProblem · 02/01/2018 23:21

Well done I waiting to message back

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 02/01/2018 23:44

Thanks MiddleClass. I'd like to go for it, to be honest. I'm free this Thursday, so might as well. Even though my family all think he's bad news!! But I do want to give it another chance. It's not like he's been horrible or nasty or anything - he just hadn't message for a while. Life gets in the way, which I completely understand. I'd like to see him again.

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WellAlwaysHaveParis · 02/01/2018 23:45

We met in December, and I know December's a crazy busy month, with Christmas and New Year and everything anyway.

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MiddleClassProblem · 02/01/2018 23:48

Even if he did waver it see someone else over the holidays, you’re not in a relationship, he’s free to do so but either way he is interested in you. Just remember you’re not in a relationship yet and you really don’t have to tell your family x

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 02/01/2018 23:53

MiddleClass I really didn't want to tell anyone. But my sister actually found out from one of my threads on here that I was seeing someone and put me in a position over Christmas where I told some close family 🙄

I'm living with close family at the moment, anyway, and didn't tell them anything before seeing him last time (just said I was going out with friends). But they worked out it might be a Tinder date and (absolutely understandably) got quite worried about my safety. I just wanted to come clean, so told them.

It got so much worse when I told everyone, because it made me so much more attached, even though it's such early days and not anything yet at all. Now everyone's judging him and saying he's a twat etc etc. Just want to give it a chance. But everyone thinks I'm crazy for wanting to see him again. God. This is a nightmare Confused

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MiddleClassProblem · 02/01/2018 23:56

Just tell them you are just getting to know him, it’s none of their business and it’s really not for them to judge when they haven’t met him. As you say he hasn’t been awful to you or nasty.

But do try and give yourself a check every now and again so you don’t get too carried away.

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 03/01/2018 00:07

Really good advice MiddleClass - thanks Flowers

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MiddleClassProblem · 03/01/2018 00:17

Good luck! And if it doesn’t work out it’s ok. Doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Just not a fit. But it could go just right. Stranger things have happened

lurkingnotlurking · 03/01/2018 09:31

Did he really block you on WhatsApp? That's my sticking point. Other than that, go for it

MiddleClassProblem · 03/01/2018 10:51

I must have missed that but I looked back and I can’t see where he blocked her from
WhatsApp

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 03/01/2018 11:18

@lurkingnotlurking he couldn't have blocked me on WhatsApp as he just messaged me on it.

He said:

'Hi, happy new year. How are you? I'm good - came home at 5am then had to go to work. What about you - did you do anything? Sure, I saw my rota and I'm off on Thursday.'

I'm not sure how to respond. Maybe something like;

'Hi, happy new year to you too :) I'm good thanks. Just went out with some friends for dinner and drinks for New Year - was really nice :) Sure, it would be nice to do something on Thursday. I'm free from 1pm - do you fancy doing crazy golf or something?'

(I'm free from the afternoon, and I think that might suit him better, as he has an early start the next day. What do you all think? Please feel free to edit the message! :))

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WellAlwaysHaveParis · 03/01/2018 11:28

Bump :)

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lurkingnotlurking · 03/01/2018 11:38

Sorry I thought I read that he blocked you above. I think your reply is really good - upbeat, nice and breezy. I hope you have a good time. Keep relaxed about things - just like making friends takes time :)

Cath2907 · 03/01/2018 11:43

Don't apologise again. He is just not that into you.

lurkingnotlurking · 03/01/2018 11:44

Keep up, cath.

MiddleClassProblem · 03/01/2018 11:45
Grin
Ixiepixie · 03/01/2018 12:00

Good Luck. Take it slowly.
Have fun. Stay positive but be a bit circumspect. IF this progresses, do remember that he gave you the silent treatment/ sulked for several days and it would be worth seeing if this is his MO when he feels "let down" in the future as he inevitably will feel at some point (because no one can meet another persons needs 100%)
💐

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 03/01/2018 12:36

Thanks everyone :) will just see how it goes.

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Cath2907 · 03/01/2018 12:43

Blush. Bad form from me in not reading to the end!

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