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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my husbands ex keeps contacting him?

88 replies

JustVent · 30/12/2017 18:33

They weee together 19 years ago, I met him 18 years ago when I was 17, and been together ever since. They were together for a year.

She calls him randomly despite never meeting since they met, when she is pregnant. Random times that ‘remind her of him’. Tonight because she is in the area and her husband isn’t.

She is married with kids. He is married to me with kids.

She contacts him once a year to meet up? He never had. It’s always in front of me, he always says no, I trust him

Why does she keep trying?

It’s fucking weird.

OP posts:
Lovely333 · 30/12/2017 19:17

If he didnt want her to message he would tell her to stop or block her.

Original poster
JustVent · 30/12/2017 19:19

Yes he has the same number.

loveleee my argument exactly! But he won’t.

Therefore AIBU???

OP posts:
Lovely333 · 30/12/2017 19:20

No I dont think you are. I wouldnt put up with it personally.

C0untDucku1a · 30/12/2017 19:22

He could block her and end this. He chooses instead to throw her occasinal crumbs to keep her every so slightly on the hook.

You have a husband problem.

Tell him theres no logical reason he needs to keep in contact with her and to block her number once and for all. Although im also amazed at him keeping the same phone nunber for 19 years!!!! As if he hasnt then the contact really cant be as sporaic as you think.

C0untDucku1a · 30/12/2017 19:23

Cross post and he HAS had the same
Phone number for 18 years. Bloody hell! My dh cant keep one 18 months.

ijustwannadance · 30/12/2017 19:25

He should've stopped years ago. Almost seems like she's still clinging on which is odd if he has never actually met up with her in 18+ years.

I've had same mobile number for 16 years. Same sim card, different phones.

TrinitySquirrel · 30/12/2017 19:28

Wait so she's pregnant and she's 50yrs old?

OP are u ok hun? 🙄

ladystarkers · 30/12/2017 19:29

I think its very ofd a 17 yearolad and 30 year old. Eww.

InfiniteSheldon · 30/12/2017 19:29

I bet he messages her too he must answer or she wouldn't still bother you have a DH problem not an ex problem

strugglingthroughlife · 30/12/2017 19:33

I don't think 17 and 30 is odd, I was 19 Dp was 34.

Onto the topic, I don't see why any woman would keep calling after 18 years unless she was getting something out of it. Surely if he'd said no for that long, she would be not calling any more. So my guess is he's in more contact with her then you realise

C0untDucku1a · 30/12/2017 19:34

She will be 48 surely not 50?

whoareyoukidding · 30/12/2017 19:41

I have this, too. I have been married to DH for 10 years and she is his 1st wife. They divorced 20 years ago, before I ever met him. She never met or never wanted anyone else and I think that she still holds a candle for him. She rings him maybe 3 times a year and it seriously pisses me off, partly my own insecurities I grant you. It used to be more often but I put a stop to that. He says he feels sorry for her. I think she's a stupid cow. Fancy clinging onto the past like that. I've learned to live with it and I know for a fact that he isn't interested in her in any romantic or sexual way.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 30/12/2017 19:44

Sorry to derail but to the eew comment. How very fucking dare you. I was 17 when I met my now husband, he was 27 at the time. I'm now 26 and we are very happily married with three children. Some people are at a very different stage in life at 17 than others are, at age 17 there's absolutely nothing wrong with dating someone at any age over 16.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 30/12/2017 19:46

Well he sounds very immature.

Finding common ground with a 17 year old when he was 30 and now he is nearly 50, still getting a kick out of being contacted by an ex from nearly 20 years ago, instead of just telling her to do one, when he knows it pisses you off.

LavenderDoll · 30/12/2017 19:49

If it bothers you and he has no interest in hearing from her why doesn't he tell her to leave him alone and block her number?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 30/12/2017 19:50

You were onto a loser as soon as you mentioned the age gap JustVent, it’s frowned upon on MN!

TBH I don’t see why he doesn’t block her, I would expect DH to do that. It would worry me a bit if he didn’t, although I’d be inclined to block her myself!

ILoveMillhousesDad · 30/12/2017 19:52

You were onto a loser as soon as you mentioned the age gap JustVent, it’s frowned upon on MN!

Not really. Only when the younger person is not legally an adult and the older person is supposedly a fully grown, mature adult.

fairgame84 · 30/12/2017 19:54

YANBU He needs to tell her to stop calling. It's weird.

There is a 20 year age gap between my parents, they have been married for 35 years. If it works for you then don't worry about what others think.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 30/12/2017 19:55

Yep, he should block her. It doesn't take any effort on his part like changing his number. To answer the 'why should I have to' thing he's said...because this woman has apparently pestered him for 18 years. Surely that's reason enough. Clearly she will carry on so blocking her solves the problem

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2017 19:57

You know how often she calls him but you don't know how often he calls her, do you?

It would be a very strange situation indeed if she's been the only one calling/texting etc for 19 years.

Catch yourself on.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 30/12/2017 19:59

ILoveMilhousesDad yes but at 17 you're over the age of consent. At 17 I had moved out, had a full time job and was very mature. I think its ridiculous that myself and others get judged for this so much still. Would you judge a 17 year old and a 21 year old being a couple? Doubt it

Booboobooboo84 · 30/12/2017 20:00

Not going to lie always have serious concerns over big age gaps when one is still in the teens. Glad that obviously for so many on this thread it has worked out into a long term relationship but have seen it gone wrong so many times in my career that it’s an instant no from me.

As for your actual Aibu op your dh should block her. He has no intention of maintaining a friendship with her and is being rude to you both with his actions.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 30/12/2017 20:03

And just before I get one of the 'hit a nerve' sarcastic comments. Yes, it has hit a nerve, the judging on mumsnet sometimes is daft. I shouldn't let it bother me, I'm happy and have an amazing life...with my husband who's 10 years older than me Smile . but when someone says eww about an age gap that's perfectly legal and you've already had judgment about it, its upsetting

oblada · 30/12/2017 20:03

He must have met her over the last 18yrs or sth, she wouldn't be contacting him otherwise.
Were they close friends before?
I'm in contact with an ex I was only with for like a year or so and I was quite young so not a real relationship. Then been with DH for 14yrs, since I was 18yrs old. I have only met with ex a handful of times, maybe 4 times in all and not in the last 5yrs or so but I keep in touch as a friend.

Flisspaps · 30/12/2017 20:12

@C0untDucku1a my DH has had the same number since he got his first mobile phone; it's really not that difficult!

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