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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel NCT as only 3 other couples?

80 replies

thaigreencurry82 · 30/12/2017 17:04

Got an email from the course organiser yesterday saying the NCT signature course I've booked on to (£300) has "3 confirmed couples including yourselves."

I can't work out from her email how many people will actually be attending as I am not in a couple. So I guess 2 couples plus me?

She's given us until tomorrow to decide if we still want to go ahead with this low number.

I'm undecided - the main reason for booking on to NCT was for the social aspect, and obviously with fewer couples the chance of finding people you gel with is less.

What would you do?

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 30/12/2017 19:14

I couldn't get into my local NCT class so just did the 6 week NHS one in my area.

I've just spent this morning with one of the women I met on that course who is now one of my best friends. Our "babies" are now 21!

Personally I wouldn't do a course with such low numbers.

clarrylove · 30/12/2017 19:16

Best thing we ever did. We all got on as families and are all spending NY day together 12 years on. We regularly holiday with another couple and are more like family than friends. An invaluable experience in my book.

FromageRay · 30/12/2017 19:17

I was in the same position. I felt really disappointed as friends groups had been much larger but we went along anyway. The other women weren't people I would have 'chosen' as friends but I was so wrong. They're among my closest friends and we meet regularly whereas friends with larger groups found meeting together v hard once people started to go back to work.
(I also signed up for NHS classes, everyone was so much younger than me and we still haven't gelled now even though our kids are school friends!)

Ollycat · 30/12/2017 19:19

I did NHS and NCT with my first child (now 15) and recently met up with all the NCT ones (have been in contact with them all over the years) and am also friends with a two from NHS group.

Did NCT refresher with my 2nd and after babies were born saw them a couple of times but they kept arranging the meet on the one day I couldn’t do (I kept saying this day was problem) - they emailed me and told me I was being chucked out of the group due to lack of commitment- I had PND and found tge experience really upsetting.

So what I’m saying is go, but with an open mind and you may find some great friends Smile

Timeforanamochango · 30/12/2017 19:19

I found NCT utterly horrendous. There were 6 couples I think and they were all so different to me that I couldn’t bare the thought of the meet up they force on you 2 weeks after birth!

The other ladies I think clicked quite well, they were all very well off with rich husbands, had no intention of returning to work and spent every minuite talking about their child’s bowel movements.

If my entire life purpose was to serve a husband and child and judge anyone who doesn’t live in a big house, then I’d do it again, but this time I’m certainly giving it a miss!

They also prepared me in no way whatsoever for the birth. I had a very difficult complicated birth and our teacher had basically just said ‘anyone can do it naturally’ and boy was I in for a shock when things went terribly wrong and my water breathing techniques couldn’t save the day.

(Just my experiance and opinion!)

mindutopia · 30/12/2017 19:20

You may have others join in the meantime anyway, but there were 4 other couples in mine plus one single mum and it was more than enough. I would be quite happy with still two other mums in the class, assuming as you say that no others drop out.

AlexaAmbidextra · 30/12/2017 19:20

NCT is £300? Shock. No wonder they have a certain reputation. Hardly inclusive is it?

FilthyforFirth · 30/12/2017 19:22

I had a similar experience to someone upthread, only one to have ECS (he was breech and Kings wouldnt let ftm try natural delivery) only one to stop bf after 3 weeks (I didnt want to). They made me feel like shit and I really resent the money I spent to leave the group a few months later. I threw myself into local baby groups and have made a few friends. So for me was a waste of time.

However, pretty much everyone I know made at least one friend from their groups so if you can afford to lose the money, I would go along on the off chance there will be someone you gel with. If not, sack it off, there are lots of other options.

Original poster
thaigreencurry82 · 30/12/2017 19:24

@SDGT your comment about drinking actual hot coffee made me laugh :)

@MammaTJ I am doing NHS as well but as i'm single I want to make a real effort with building as big a network as possible hence NCT.

@TheLovelyOtherDinosaur i'm in London so I suppose that's why they feel they can charge so much more - agree it's ridiculous the price varies so much from region to region. I asked for a single mum-to-be discount but they didn't offer me one, which I do think is unfair.

OP posts:
thenorthernluce · 30/12/2017 19:26

My NCT friends have saved my sanity during these rollercoaster days of new parenthood. Our whatsapp group is lively, with everyone so supportive and helpful; no judgements from anyone for individual parenting decisions. We meet up once a week and (gasp!) don't just talk about our babies now - yay!!

I found it particularly useful cos we'd only just moved to this area, so it made the transition so much easier.

The course itself? Meh! Bit hippy dippy and (IMO) unrealistic, but it covered everything and the course leader has helped us out since.

If you're confident talking to new people, it might not be necessary to do NCT as you'll make friends at local groups once the baby is born. I'm 50:50 on that front, so wanted the reassurance of a ready made group, and feel so lucky to have met some wonderful women.

Bringmewineandcake · 30/12/2017 19:27

Ours was 4 couples inc us. Absolutely fine, still friends 5 years on.

littleducks · 30/12/2017 19:27

Maybe go along to NCT events bumps and babies/coffee mornings instead. More people so more chance to make friends

Jassmells · 30/12/2017 19:31

@thaigreencurry82 ours was £300 5 years ago in the midlands so surprised it has not gone up!
They do do some free NCT groups at Childrens centres by us as well but they were all during office hours so didn't work for us. Our NHS one was a 2 hour walk round the ward and being shown a plastic baby bath and as others have said people on that were a lot younger plus no chance to chat anyway as was so quick.
The funniest thing that sticks in my head was being told our "breast are like oranges" and that even if we entirely consumed McDonald's our breast milk would still be superior!! We were the last ever class of the breast feeding "specialist" before she retired, unfortunately for her we just giggled the whole way through as she was quite ridiculous. Still had a great time though and sadly never managed to solely live off McDonald's to test it!

RecallRecall · 30/12/2017 19:33

I did NCT and it was fantastic. I think I got a discount as a single parent but I certainly wouldn't have signed up to something that was £300...you sure you have that right?

My friendship lasted with four other couple group until the children went to school and then although we stay in touch I only see one regularly. It has been lovely for my son to know another family from birth though and have all the " growing up together" photos.
We have some photos with " best friends" friends from nursery or primary school who he has no idea about.

annandale · 30/12/2017 19:36

There were three other couples and a single parent at mine, we were all working which wasnt surprising at that price, but no super rich people. Our leader let us set the agenda, we had one member who was planning an epidural and leaning towards an elective section so i learned loads at mine about different possibilities, the leader knew all the strengths and weaknesses of the local hospital. I was really close to two others afterwards, and am still close to one of the mums, we are meeting next week to compare notes on our teenagers Smile

I think it depends what the local opinion of the leader is. I am really glad I went to mine, it was worth loads more than a fancy cot or whatever.

MrsHarveySpecterV · 30/12/2017 19:40

If you can write off the money if you don't make friends then I would go. Even if there were ten other couples you may not gel with any of them. As PP said with a smaller group it's likely you will all talk more I would imagine. I didn't do NCT but live in the area where I was born and have a lot of family and friends locally. People I know who don't live local to their family/friends have found NCT invaluable. Enjoy your new baby when they arrive Smile

Lules · 30/12/2017 19:43

I didn’t get to do NCT as they cocked up my booking but everyone I know who’s done it found friends through it. NHS ones are useful but no-one even spoke to each other let alone tried to make friends so I wouldn’t rely on that.

There is a postnatal NCT course which is cheaper. I also met people through the surestart centre. Baby groups might be good if you do them early. I moved when my 1st was 6 months and no one was really up for making friends then esp as people were starting to think about going back to work soon. I’m sure all this varies hugely though.

Original poster
thaigreencurry82 · 30/12/2017 19:43

@jassmells haha she sounds brilliant- i don't mind a bit of hippy dippy earth mothering so if i decide to go i'll be expecting stories like yours as standard :)
To those who say just do NHS, like others have said i'm expecting the NHS classes to be full of much younger mums, i'm 35 with my first so a borderline geriatric mum.
On a tangent, at my 28 week appointment, my midwife was still pushing me to have a home birth! Sorry no way at almost advanced age and for my first are you crazy?!

OP posts:
Ikanon · 30/12/2017 19:44

The ONLY thing I got out of NCT was friends. It taught me nothing useful about the birthing process or being a mum.

In London there must be alternatives to NCT which are a) cheaper b) better attended c) more likely to meet like-minded people.

Lules · 30/12/2017 19:46

I did NHS ones in London. I was 29 and there were much older mothers than me and no one very young.

DeadButDelicious · 30/12/2017 19:49

My SIL did NCT. She seemed to enjoy it. I think she still sees a few people from time to time. I didn't have the cash to spare when I was pregnant, it was NCT or a side sleeper crib. I signed up for the NHS classes but dropped out when it became very clear that they were (obviously) very 'birth' (as in vaginal) orientated and I was having an elective c section due to previous loss and birth trauma.

I do however go to a local rainbow baby group which was set up by my local baby loss support group, all the mums who attend have lost a child and gone on to have another, most of us had c sections, a lot of us were pregnant around the same time. That group has been worth its weight in gold to me. And it only costs me a £1 a session.

Give it a go, if you make friends that's great, if not there are other avenues, sure start, local playgroups etc. Good luck!

JoWithABow · 30/12/2017 19:51

Sorry if this has already been suggested but there are other antenatal classes you could join (not NHS) , esp if you are in London. Eg Daisy Birthing. You could also see about a antenatal yoga or swim class.

Personally (having done nct) of there are only 2 other couples I wouldnt want to do it. Can you ask if there's another class to join instead, eg in a neighbouring area

big5i5ter · 30/12/2017 19:56

If it's you and two other couples I'd definitely say it's worth it. Those whatsapp chats at 2am where young wondering what you are doing wrong are invaluable. I had heard a lot about nct course content being hippy dippy etc but ours was very factual and useful and honest about how much of labour is unpredictable. Even if you don't become bffs you're all in the same boat.

Original poster
thaigreencurry82 · 30/12/2017 20:03

Again thanks for all the replies, i'm weighing it all up.

The other thing I wondered is I'll be 34 weeks when this course starts and 36 weeks when it finishes - that's not too late is it?

OP posts:
Jassmells · 30/12/2017 20:05

Not too late I was about 34 wks x