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AIBU?

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Original poster

How important is good sex?

63 replies

user1497787373 · 30/12/2017 14:28

After being single for quite a long time, I've meet an absolutely wonderful man. Kind, interesting, good looking, great job... ticks all the boxes. So.... last night we finally did the deed and... well it was terrible. Signs were there as he kisses like a teenage boy. I'm trying to tell me self it doesn't matter, but I'm quite a kinky sexual person. Help!!

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 30/12/2017 14:30

It's a personal thing. Important for some people. Not for others. So, it's important that you're compatible.

c3pu · 30/12/2017 14:31

Tell him what you like and how you like it, give him a chance to up his game.

If it's still terrible after that, then LTB.

pinkhorse · 30/12/2017 14:34

Sex is massively important for me so it would be a major issue but others aren't as bothered so guess it's an individual opinion

Zatsuma · 30/12/2017 14:34

VERY important

but people can improve.

WheelyCote · 30/12/2017 14:38

Crucial....could he have been nervous??

Is he responsive....could you teach him what you like?

TrinitySquirrel · 30/12/2017 14:40

If it's not there now, do not stick around unless you want to be a teacher.

Compatilbility and passion cannot generally be taught though and you could end up resenting the lack of it, even if the rest outweighs it.

I would honestly run a mile OP.

Original poster
user1497787373 · 30/12/2017 14:41

He did apologise for being 'below par' 🙈 So maybe nerves, but the kissing is terrible too. He's in his mid 40's, old dogs new tricks comes to mind

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 30/12/2017 14:42

Hugely important, but as long as he’s not lacking in essential areas, smelly or incredibly selfish, I would give him a few more chances and some direct guidance.

19lottie82 · 30/12/2017 14:43

The first time you sleep with someone new isn’t always great IMO. It takes a few times until you “fit”. If you like give him another chance, but if it doesn’t get any better then I wouldn’t be hanging around.

Overthehillsandfaraway8 · 30/12/2017 14:45

I always think kissing is a good indication of sexual prowess. Rubbish kisser, rubbish in bed. I don't think good kissing can be taught.

Original poster
user1497787373 · 30/12/2017 14:49

He's not selfish at all (or smelly 😂). The opposite he's incredibly kind and compassionate. So maybe hope?

OP posts:
April229 · 30/12/2017 14:49

most important is that he wants to get it right and is keen to make you happy...do you get a sense that that is the case? If so all is not lost.

Take a lead in gentley introducing what you like, and see if he embraces it or shys away.

Dustbunny1900 · 30/12/2017 14:49

I HATE the first time , because it's always awkward, uncomfortable unenjoyable , etc it takes awhile to get in sync sexually and tell the other person what I like and to loosen up. People are very different in what they like, I've had men keep doing really annoying off-putting things in bed because their ex enjoyed it and they figure all women are the same Hmm

Hohofortherobbers · 30/12/2017 14:55

Give him time and and some suggestions, it'll improve .... wonder what he was thinking of your moves?

morningconstitutional2017 · 30/12/2017 15:00

Tricky, isn't it? You'd like things to improve but you don't want to hurt his feelings. Things will probably get better in time. A gentle approach by suggesting, "What if we try ..." might be a diplomatic way of going about it.

Original poster
user1497787373 · 30/12/2017 15:01

Every seen the episode of SATC where the guy puts Carries neck out? It was like that 🙈

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 30/12/2017 15:02

There is absolutely hope if he is kind and open to learning. I have done this a couple of times and with the right student it can be fun for both. Discuss your kinks preferences, find things you can read and look at together, offer gentle guidance, etc.

If this is his only failing, it's eminently fixable.

GetAwayFromHer · 30/12/2017 15:03

He could get much much better. Tell him what you like

And I agree - some men do annoying things because someone else liked it (or they thought she did)

GetAwayFromHer · 30/12/2017 15:05

Over

I disagree. . It's not been my experience at all. The opposite in fact

Bollooooooocks · 30/12/2017 15:05

Ah that'd be awful for me especially at the beginning, sorry.... isn't there anyone else better? How desperate are you much do you want him?

Original poster
user1497787373 · 30/12/2017 15:09

I've been quite happily single. But I have been quite obsessed smitten with him.

OP posts:
TheSassyAssassin · 30/12/2017 15:09

Am with Overthehills on this. Kissing is really crucial for me. Passionate kisses that are in sync and you that get lost in, are usually a good indication that the sex will also be compatible and work. But amazing sex doesn't necessarily equal amazing relationship or man (speaking from experience). Think I would give it another few go's (so to speak) before making a decision. Hope next time the earth moves OP and you don't end up in A&E Xmas Wink

Farmerswife36 · 30/12/2017 15:13

How many sexual partners has he had ? He could be in experienced ? Me and dh have only ever been with each other and although we have great sex together if we ever split ( not likely) we both would come across as shit in bed as we have never had anyone else . Together we have great sex but I'd probably be classed as rubbish in bed if I'd went with someone who had multiple partners

FoggieFishieCarpeDiem · 30/12/2017 15:14

Important but not the most important.

I’d try something different. You on top, he might be awesome at oral, you could top him (if that’s what you’re into) etc...

Our sexlife is currently a bit... dry (with two small DC) and I’ve gotten to know my hand quite well, which isn’t too bad, tbh.
But I wouldn’t want it to be like that for the rest of my life, no.

So.... idk. It would need to get better or I’d to experience my orgasms with someone else.

Bollooooooocks · 30/12/2017 15:15

I've been quite happily single. But I have been quite obsessed smitten with him.

Eeeeemmmm if there is nothing better and you do fancy him just get pissed first on with it. I wouldn't bother showing him around stuff, wouldn't work this age, just enjoy it before it gets worse Grin