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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

*light hearted* To tell my daughter hospitals aren't for 1-1 time!

66 replies

Notanotherpawpatrol · 30/12/2017 12:06

Just to reiterate, this is light hearted, if I don't joke I will breakdown.

I have 4 dc, my youngest is 8m and is undergoing tests for epilepsy and in the past month she has had 4 hospital admissions. When we go to hospital she gets me all to herself, all day everyday just her and me. We go to the play room, she is fussed over by the nurses, we eat lunch sat on a bed and she gets me when she wakes in the night rather than her dad, who she's not a fan of due to the lack of boobs.
These hospital admissions tend to be at the most inconvenient times, for example on boxing day when we had a house full of guests. She decided she would stop breathing Hmm 2 days in hospital followed and she loved every minuite of it! She also just so happened to be admitted when the pantomime was on, this was my first indication that she is doing it on purpose. The clincher came when the nurse told us we could go home after 2 days last time and she cried! OK so the nurse was pushing some iv antibiotics into her foot, but I'm sure the crying was because we were going home Hmm
Wibu to tell her that hospitals aren't for 1-1 mummy time? Any ideas how I go about teaching her that?

OP posts:
Elledouble · 30/12/2017 12:09

Are you ok? You sound a bit upset...

Floellabumbags · 30/12/2017 12:11

What panto was it? Does she have ambitions to be a theatre critic?

Or is it that she loves the nurses and you're just a tag-along?

DS was in hospital last Christmas and got two stockings from santa. I think he'd remembered the time he split his lip on Easter Sunday and he got extra easter eggs at the hospital. He's just in it for drugs and treats!

elliejjtiny · 30/12/2017 12:14

Ha ha, my 4 year old is the same (16 admissions so far, argh). My 11 year old spent a night in hospital when he was 9. Meals in bed and his own phone, plus they had guinea pigs. He had a great time. I hope your dd is well enough to have less admissions soon. I know what it's like.

Stolenchoccies · 30/12/2017 12:18

Maybe a behaviour reward chart on the fridge. She gets ill only at convenient times and she gets a sticker? Grin

Sirzy · 30/12/2017 12:19

My son is 8 and has been in and out of hospital since he was tiny, he loves it and is like a minor celebrity there now with the staff wrapped around his little finger.

Even in the waiting room for outpatients we get staff members coming over to say hi and have a chat!

Was it one of the starlight pantos? They are really quite good!

Original poster
Notanotherpawpatrol · 30/12/2017 12:20

Ellie, did loves the guinea pigs at our hospital! I wonder if it's the same one!
Floella, that'll be it. She loves the nurses, they all know her now! The recognise her name (it's quite unusual) and all come to her room to say hello.
But it was my son that ended up with the present from the rugby players (he was in with a chest infection). She doesn't know sometimes they give out gifts, I'm not telling her that!!
Ellie I'm fine. It is what it is and we will muddle through and figure it out. Until then, I deal with lifes Challanges with humour!

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 30/12/2017 12:21

She has my total sympathy regarding the pantomime Grin. Children do have an uncanny knack of picking the most inconvenient moments to be taken ill (plan a romantic evening out, then sit back and wait).

On a more serious note I hope they get to the bottom of the maybe epilepsy soon. Flowers

Elledouble · 30/12/2017 12:22

Fair enough - just sounds like you’re having a really shite time! I’m sorry your daughter is poorly, glad you’re managing to smile through it Smile

Original poster
Notanotherpawpatrol · 30/12/2017 12:22

Stollen, that's genius! I'm setting up a reward chart immediately Grin
Sirzy, it was a starlight one of Aladin. I didn't watch much of it. I was talking to Dr's while dh and the rest of the dc watched!

OP posts:
Blondielongie · 30/12/2017 12:23

Sounds very hectic, hope you are coping alright with everything. Flowers you sound like a lovely mum and are being very brave. X

Blondielongie · 30/12/2017 12:23

Sounds very hectic, hope you are coping alright with everything. Flowers you sound like a lovely mum and are being very brave. X

Blondielongie · 30/12/2017 12:24

Sorry posted twice. I'm also in the 'if I don't laugh I'd cry ' camp when it comes to things like this!

Floellabumbags · 30/12/2017 12:29

elliejjtiny

It sounds like your 4 year old is jealous of your eleven year old and wants to play with guinea pigs too. Sibling rivalry can be a terrible thing.

Floellabumbags · 30/12/2017 12:31

Aladin?

She wanted to see The Lion King on Ice Wink

ALunerExplorer · 30/12/2017 12:39

Oh lovely.

I think you have an instinct here: is it possible (because this is going to be frightening for her) that she is associating hospital with feeling safe? Hear me out (ignore of course if you think this is way off base).

You are knackered aren't you? Down to the bone knackered. When all those nurses and doctors are about, to some extent, do you feel safer too? Don't misunderstand me - what I mean is, when you are in hospital, are you a bit calmer too?

Kids pick up on our moods, just as much as we pick up on theirs.

I remember the first year with my oldest ds. In and out of hospital. Scared half to death. He was calmer with me in hospital, and it was a good year or two before he was that calm with me again out of hospital. That wasn't anybody's fault, because we're human.

Take a deep breath - can someone give you some time to yourself, for a nice bath, a bit of sleep perhaps? Sending huge hugs.

theredjellybean · 30/12/2017 12:41

mmmm...i had this with youngest dd2...yrs ago...i sussed her out though when i said 'oh dear hospital again...i think its daddy's turn'

daddy was very disinterested and spent the whole time reading his book or on his laptop...refused to do anything with dd2 ...

funnily enough things improved after that...

try sending her dad in next time...and see what happens ?

PersianCatLady · 30/12/2017 12:45

You think that an 8 month old baby is doing it on purpose??

kaytee87 · 30/12/2017 12:47

@PersianCatLady did you read the first sentence? Or indeed any of it?

BarbarianMum · 30/12/2017 12:47

Of course she does CatLady - that's why she emphasised the "lighthearted" at the top of her post. Hmm

kaytee87 · 30/12/2017 12:48

I hope your baby is ok op Thanks what a worrying time.

CallMeDollFace · 30/12/2017 12:49

No Persian, she doesn’t.

Original poster
Notanotherpawpatrol · 30/12/2017 12:52

No, I really don't feel safer! I feel exhausted. I'm watching her stats monitor all night because I want to know what's going on. There are nurses coming in at all hours of the night to do her obs and I literally don't sleep. I wear a fit bit and our last stay it said k had 3 hours broken sleep Sad
I can't leave the ward for a moment because I have no family who can come and stay with her and the nurses are always stretched so thin so can't watch her for me while I run to Costa. My other 3 kids don't understand what's going on and I don't have any answers for them. They miss me when I'm gone (my eldest is only 7) and my 6yo dd has autism and literally can't cope with the idea of dc4 being in hospital. She freaks out and dh is learning fast how to deal with it all (I guess that's the silver lining?)
To top it off on boxing day while mil, fil and (single 40+, no kids) sil were here, and dc4 was in resus I phoned dh and told him to get to the hospital ASAP. I found out yesterday from my dc1 the il's had argued about who could go home and who had to stay with them, as in, none of them wanted to stay with the kids.
Trust me, I in no way feel calmer in hospital. There's very little they can usually do (boxing day was an exception, she had pneumonia) other than to observe her, I can do that at home! I'm continuously anxious about the other children.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 30/12/2017 12:54

Oh op I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. I don't have any practical advice but offering a hand hold.

NovemberWitch · 30/12/2017 12:55

Sounds as if you are doing a fantastic job of making recurrent visits exciting rather than terrifying. No, don’t train her out of it, come and teach my grumpy old father how to find the joy in it! He’s whiny and petulant most visits.

PCL, don’t be dense.

TheVanguardSix · 30/12/2017 12:59

💪 Strength and ❤️ to you OP.
If we can't laugh, what's left?
It's so hard. It's so shite. Nobody wants their 1-1 time to be reduced to hospital visits.

You're in the thick of it and there will be the other side, the brighter day, the better time, and any other optimistic tags you can come up with. It will happen.

May you get a good, solid, manageable diagnosis. May you feel and be supported and loved as a family. May stability rise to meet you soon.