*light hearted* To tell my daughter hospitals aren't for 1-1 time!

[Notanotherpawpatrol]

Just to reiterate, this is light hearted, if I don't joke I will breakdown.

I have 4 dc, my youngest is 8m and is undergoing tests for epilepsy and in the past month she has had 4 hospital admissions. When we go to hospital she gets me all to herself, all day everyday just her and me. We go to the play room, she is fussed over by the nurses, we eat lunch sat on a bed and she gets me when she wakes in the night rather than her dad, who she's not a fan of due to the lack of boobs.
These hospital admissions tend to be at the most inconvenient times, for example on boxing day when we had a house full of guests. She decided she would stop breathing 2 days in hospital followed and she loved every minuite of it! She also just so happened to be admitted when the pantomime was on, this was my first indication that she is doing it on purpose. The clincher came when the nurse told us we could go home after 2 days last time and she cried! OK so the nurse was pushing some iv antibiotics into her foot, but I'm sure the crying was because we were going home
Wibu to tell her that hospitals aren't for 1-1 mummy time? Any ideas how I go about teaching her that?

@PersianCatLady did you read the first sentence? Or indeed any of it?
Yes, it was supposedly "lighthearted"

@persiancatlady don't be so horrible.

The OP is in a crap situation and if she deals with it with some humour then good for her. IDK if you've ever had a child seriously ill in hospital but you just cope as best as you can. Humour like the OPs can be really helpful in coping with a stressful situation - you should hear the things that medics come out with from time to time; the OP's light hearted post has nothing on that.

I once came back from an extended a&e visit at Christmas to find my son (AS) had decorated my entire home with shiny. Tinsel, glitter, lights, foil..think crystal maze on acid. .. DD thought it was cool, DH didn’t mind. I was the only nt in the house thinking wtf?
Had to laugh or strangle someone with the fairy lights.

Persian, yes I fully believe dd can have seizures on cue and the most awkward of times. I believe she deliberately had clusters of them all day long the week before we were meant to be going on our one and only family holiday this year after a really tough year of crap. I fully believe she deliberately did this so that she would end up having an eeg on the day we were meant to be traveling and having a specialist appointments for the whole week.
I think she deliberately had a big seizure on boxing day and then waited till we arrived at the hospital (thankfully, because I would have freaked while I was driving) to stop breathing. She stopped. Completely. I totally believe she loved every minuite of no less than 6 Dr's, nurses and other people (there were so many and I habe no idea what their job titles were, but I love them all!) gathered round her in resus while I stood on the side lines and believed my baby was dead.

Of course I don't for a second think she's doing any of it on purpose, but sometimes humour is the only way to get through life. It's my coping mechanism and as I watch my baby sleeping next to me I thought I'd start a light hearted thread about it to reach out to other people for humour too.
Clearly that's offended you and I'm sorry you are so delicate.

Clearly that's offended you and I'm sorry you are so delicate.

I don't think that Persian's problem is that she is delicate, it's more a case of behaving like a complete arse.

No advice I'm afraid, but I just want to say 'thank god' childrens hospital are 1000% better these days.
When I was in hospital aged 4 (many moons ago), I was given a smacked bottom by a nurse because I cried when my Mum had to go home.
How I would love to meet that nurse now!

I used to be like this! I loved the attention!

On the bright side, at least hospitals don't scare or distress her. What a horrible experience for you. I hope things stabilise for DD soon.

As for PersianCatLady ... wtf? Step away from the keyboard.

@PersianCatLady don't be a dick, there's a love.

offs. at least mine had the decency to wait until she was 10 before she started all this hospital malarkey. yours is exceptionally advanced...

Honestly, just stop pandering to her! Tell her she’s old enough to crawl there herself. Children are wrapped in far too much cotton wool these days.

Lovely, I’m so sorry, it must be utterly terrifying x

I’ve just sent you a PM.

+++This is Genuinely Lighthearted+++

OP I think I am your DDs much, much older twin. I enjoy my regular hospital admissions so much that until recently I used to 'mini-break' there six or seven times a year.

I especially like disrupting Christmas, birthdays and on one occasion, a close friends wedding.

I selfisly had debilitating surgery and stayed in for three months purely because every second week the menu rotation had a phenomenally good macaroni cheese dish.

I love that Ward 11 is like the bar in 'Cheers' where everyone knows my name.

I do think mine got it off her grandparents though.... one died on her birthday, one at Christmas and my mother does her dying swan act everytime there is a holiday or celebration....

[if you don't laugh you would have a nervous breakdown emotion]

I am not being horrible of being an arse, I just don't get humour.

Everything I said was factual but to most people that comes across as being blunt.

I forget that everything has two meanings so this thread doesn't make any sense to me.

Sorry if I have caused any upset.

Hope your baby gets better soon and the hospital admissions get fewer or are no longer needed.

ahhh, weezol, somebody old enough to shed light on their motivation...

I am not sure they had macaroni cheese, and dd tends to mainly stay in a and e for several hours at a time.

I can't believe some of the names and things I have been called because I didn't get this thread.

Just wait till the other three work it out!

Op my 10year ds has a seizure the other day. We got a few hours just us, nurse put tv on for him, another brought him a blanket and tucked him in. He was then given a selection box as we left.

He has been told next time he can just ask for some us time/chocolate/to be tucked in. He doesn't need to go to these extremes again.

for you Op and for dd x

Your baby is awfully attention-seeking, isn't she Pawpatrol!

I mean, I thought mine were bad enough for both needing operations before they were 2mo (both had L inguinal hernias that needed repair before they became strangulated), and then DS2 just had to really up the ante afterwards with episodes of non-breathing as well!

Mind you, one of the GPs I saw put me straight about then 3yo DS2 - she told me I just had to speak sternly but kindly to him as he wasn't breathing and tell him not to be so silly before he passed out, and then he wouldn't do it any more - because that's what she'd done with her rather-older son when he started breath-holding. ACTUAL breath-holding, as opposed to crying all his breath out and then being unable to breathe IN again. My blessed child would then pass out and, unlike what they tell you in all the stories, would NOT immediately start breathing again, OH no. Luckily he did grow out of it once he passed 4yo - he hasn't done it since - but it was great fun having to write an Action Plan for his pre-school, and an accident report for the day he face-planted on the concrete path at DS1's primary school at pickup time, causing huge alarm among all the other parents and half the staff - attention-seeking, obviously!

AND, as if that wasn't enough, once he'd grown out of that he only went and got appendicitis earlier this year! Not obviously, mind, he was just a bit nauseated, a bit sick, no temp, no real pain, nothing you could pinpoint; until I decided I didn't like his symptoms, took him to A&E (Australia) where they eventually managed to get a drip into him - MORE attention seeking, with the fugitive vein thing he has going on, needed FOUR doctors before any of them could get a line in! - and he was taken to ultrasound where they discovered his appendix was rather large and in the "wrong" place (retrocaecal). When they took it out it was black with gangrene...

SO I sympathise entirely with your issues with your 8mo!

(and obviously hope that they sort out what is going on with her really quickly and start to manage whatever it is - you must be on your last legs with worry and lack of sleep! Huge unMN ((((hugs)))) to you and your family )

Hey, Mine is the same. But he started in utero. Spent 7 weeks in hospital including Xmas. Just about to be discharged on Xmas day morning- hey guess who decided to give the placenta a gentle kick so I bled?! And then was born prematurely so another two months in hospital. He was a total celebrity there. We went back recently and there was a procession of neonatal nurses waiting for a cuddle. He was lapping it up.
When he behaves badly now I threaten to send him back to his NICU 'Aunties' instead.
Anyway we get to December. Day before his brother's Nativity play. Which I missed last year thanks to him and his shenanigans in my uterus. Hey, guess who decides to drop his sats and get bronchiolitis?
Seriously child. There are easier ways to get my attention. Ooooofff.

(On a less light hearted note, hope she gets better soon and your in laws sound like horrible people).

oh goodness thumb, so attention seeking, especially the refusal to stop after a stern talking to.

to all with attention seeking children.

PersianCatLady - the clue was in the first line of the OP: if I don't joke I will break down.

If you know you don't "get" humour then perhaps responding on a thread that clearly states it is meant to be jokey is not an ideal move for you.

BlackeyedSusan - I know! Silly boy, fancy not listening to me telling him not to pass out as he fails to draw breath!

Mmm don’t tell your DD this, but when I was in hospital (1970’s admittedly) one of the nurses used to give me a brown envelope, one of the ones with a window in it, full of dolly mixtures. I was pre-school age, but it is such a strong memory.

I hope DD has no more excuses to cause trouble.

PersianCatLady - the clue was in the first line of the OP: if I don't joke I will break down
I think that is a good piece of advice.

Blackeyedsusan You're right. It is about much more than macaroni cheese.

I often lie there thinking about how much money I'm saving on toilet roll and hot water. I save a lot on shoes too. If you can't walk for a few weeks, you're not wearing them out.

It does render my mattresses 10 year guarantee nonsensical though. Because I will not have slept on it for 10 years until about two years after the guarantee expires.