Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to prevent family having fun on New Year's Eve?

104 replies

Unusualllly · 30/12/2017 08:55

Been invited to friends holiday cottage for Hogmanay.
Facts:
3 hour drive away
2 nights stay there
6 month old (does not sleep well at all, worse when away from home)
1+half year old (usually sleeps ok away from home)

Husband dead keen to go. He will have a fun catch up with our friends, go golfing with them etc. Our toddler will love playing with their toddler.

I don't want to go. I am knackered. Lots of driving for the kids. Their sleep and nap routine will be messed up. Hassle to pack car with 2 travel cots, 2 high chairs, toys, clothes, golf stuff, food ,etc.

Having "discussion" (i.e argument). Who wins? Can you help us decide???!!!

(Note- husband is great and does fair share of night waking, chores etc.)

OP posts:
Ohmyfuck · 30/12/2017 10:46

Why doesn't your husband take the toddler and you stay at home with the baby?

Kochicoo · 30/12/2017 10:47

Having had a terrible sleeping 6 month old, I wouldn't have been able to go. I know some babies are fine but my dd never was away from home and it took me ages to get over cause it's not like you can come home and have a rest. Either insist your DH goes for one night or stay at home. You're not preventing family fun, you're preventing more exhaustion for you. Good luck!

Original poster
Unusualllly · 30/12/2017 10:49

Having both sat and read the replies we are going! I will try and be happy, hubby will do extra to help me. He will golf. I will get time for a walk& lunch (child free) with other wife.
We will take only 1 highchair!

OP posts:
BrownTurkey · 30/12/2017 10:49

Agree to go but make a list of reasonable demands eg if he gets time off to play golf, you get 2 lie ins. He takes toddler or baby at all times, unless he takes both, or gives you downtime in exchange too. He contributes to the group cooking and cleaning, not you, because you are tired. He does bulk of driving.

KalaLaka · 30/12/2017 10:50

Yay to childfree walk!

BewareOfDragons · 30/12/2017 10:54

I have to ask. Why is it considered 'extra' to 'help you'?

Surely they are his children and responsibility, too. Or are you considered the default one in charge, even when you're both off/home? Because that sucks if it's true.

HermioneAndMsJones · 30/12/2017 10:58

Yep I agree.

What is the EXTRA to HELP you? If he is actually really doing 50/50 with both dcs, you going out for leisurely lunch with a friend would be an ‘extra’.
Will you still get up at night with the baby? If you do, will you get a lie in in the morning whilst he gets up with bith dcs (at 6.30am or whatever their get up and go time is in the am)?

HermioneAndMsJones · 30/12/2017 10:59

Sorry it should be
You going out for lunch should NOT be an extra for course....

VladmirsPoutine · 30/12/2017 10:59

Did you start 2 threads about this?

VladmirsPoutine · 30/12/2017 11:02

Ah, no you didn't was another thread on similar lines but not you. But glad to read you'e going. Wine

NoSquirrels · 30/12/2017 11:10

Have fun! You’ll enjoy it once you’re there. Wishing you a stress-free all-DC-napping journey!

diddl · 30/12/2017 14:10

He will do extra to help you?

Are you the paid help then?

He'll spend time with his kids so that you can have some time without them?

What a hero!!!!

gamerchick · 30/12/2017 14:14

Lol he gets the final say? Wouldn’t be me I know that much.

Have fun.

Hatsoffdear · 30/12/2017 14:21

For goodness sake her dh sounds perfectly fine and completely bloody normal in the real world. He hasn’t had the final say they have compromised as a couple like people do in the real world. Hmm

Have fun op. Sleep on the journey. Things will get easier and easier as they get older honestly you will one day be yelling at them to get out of bed. Grin

gamerchick · 30/12/2017 14:41

Yes the compromise being that they’re all going just the way the husband wanted it with a few words of ‘extra help’. Score Grin

Introvertpants · 30/12/2017 14:49

Three hours travel is argh. Total hassle.
The kids mite not settle. You won't be able to enjoy yourself ßbecause you will be worrying about the kids sleeping. You could end up shattered.
Why risk not enjoying it and stay home where it will be far less stressful and you can rest and relax as much as you like.

Hohofortherobbers · 30/12/2017 14:52

Yay! Come back to update us on your great family mini break!

altiara · 30/12/2017 15:03

OP have a sleep in the car, there and back! 6 hours, could be just what you need!

LannieDuck · 30/12/2017 15:10

Husband deals with all the packing and gets up with the baby overnight?

brizzledrizzle · 30/12/2017 15:17

Go but with the proviso that it's not all about him playing golf etc with his mates, you need some time to do what you want to do whilst he looks after your children.

GreyMorning · 30/12/2017 15:31

Extra adults might mean an extra pair of hands for the baby so you can sneak off and sleep!

PurpleTraitor · 30/12/2017 15:36

Sounds awesome, I would jump at the chance of a holiday cottage with friends at New Year.

Problem is all my friends seem to have young children and treat them like a reason to never go anywhere and or turn down invitations at the last minute, that’s genuinely not a dig at you OP, but a long held frustration of mine within my own friendship circle.

So I try to organise events where all children are welcome and catered for but they still turn it down so I’m really glad you’ve decided to go.

Play golf, spend time together, have some nice drinks and food, share the big moment with the kids at midnight, sounds great to me.

Original poster
Unusualllly · 30/12/2017 15:45

We are going for 2 nights. I will update on our return.

I'd like to say my husband and I are a good team and share house/kids/hobby time well. It's just he sees the fun of a break away with friends and will think about consequences of tiredness later.

OP posts:
Ekphrasis · 31/12/2017 09:10

I'm already worrying about the possibility of having to do this next new year except it's my friends so I'm hoping to persuade them to come to us.

The only benefit I can see of going is that you make it clear you are going to have uninterrupted naps during the day. I don't think the golfing is too fair unless he's completely in charge at other times, including up first thing in the morning with them so you can get lie ins. Alternatively, I'd stay with baby.

I was in this situation a few years ago and actually very unwell too at the time. It was very hard but no golf was involved. It did cause a lot of resentment for me that my husband couldn't understand why this wasn't my idea of fun.

IsaSchmisa · 31/12/2017 12:33

Well, just make sure those consequences you mention fall on him as much as they fall on you OP. It may not be a bad lesson for him to learn the hard way.