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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to prevent family having fun on New Year's Eve?

104 replies

Unusualllly · 30/12/2017 08:55

Been invited to friends holiday cottage for Hogmanay.
Facts:
3 hour drive away
2 nights stay there
6 month old (does not sleep well at all, worse when away from home)
1+half year old (usually sleeps ok away from home)

Husband dead keen to go. He will have a fun catch up with our friends, go golfing with them etc. Our toddler will love playing with their toddler.

I don't want to go. I am knackered. Lots of driving for the kids. Their sleep and nap routine will be messed up. Hassle to pack car with 2 travel cots, 2 high chairs, toys, clothes, golf stuff, food ,etc.

Having "discussion" (i.e argument). Who wins? Can you help us decide???!!!

(Note- husband is great and does fair share of night waking, chores etc.)

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 30/12/2017 09:49

two nights?
only 3 hours drive
I would

AddictedtoSnickers · 30/12/2017 09:51

Definitely go! Nap routines change constantly anyway. It took having a third child to make me realise half the stuff we would take away with us was unnecessary! In fact my middle child has had comfy nights sleep as a toddler on my yoga mat! Buy food when you get there. Pack light - if your friends have a toddler might they already have a highchair you could borrow? And for next time, get yourself a fabric highchair sling thing, they are handy to have when travelling. Have fun!

HermioneAndMsJones · 30/12/2017 09:54

Btw I agree with the fact it can be a nice opportunity and can be very nice despite the hassle of taking everything with you etc...
But ONLY if you have something to look forward to once you are there.

So are they his friends or also your friends?
When you are there, will you get as much free time wo children than he will? So a good 4 hours uninterrupted going for a walk with your friend (as a game of golf with the ‘guys’ will probably take a good 4 hours).
What is there for you in this arrangement?

If you know you will probably enjoy a good chat with a friend, can go for a nice walk wo children etc... AND he is getting up during the night to resettle the baby, helps cleaning/cooking and doesn’t leave you every evening with the children whilst he goes out to the pub, then yes go for it.

HermioneAndMsJones · 30/12/2017 09:56

Btw, you wouldn’t be spoiling the FAMILY fun by saying NO.

Your DH would be upset because HIS fun would be spoiled.
Your wouldnt, your dcs wouldnt (they dont care at that age). So it wouldn’t be the whole family affected.
Again be careful with words and how HIS fun is becoming the FAMILY fun. It’s not.

Reallycantbebothered · 30/12/2017 09:58

3 hr drive is very doable...we used to drive 7 hrs to see family with 3 dcs ( they will sleep on journey...but take snacks like breadsticks/ fruit )
Its only 2 nights away...and a break from humdrum routine might do you good, plus opportunity for you and toddler to meet others,...don't see what the problem is tbh!

BewareOfDragons · 30/12/2017 10:02

Send him with the toddler.

MrsWooster · 30/12/2017 10:04

I wouldn't have done this when dc were smaller for all the reasons you say BUT, looking back, I wish we had done more of this sort of thing as it is too easy to get into a habit of nestling at home. Using divisionbelles suggestion, why not go for it...

NoSquirrels · 30/12/2017 10:05

For those of you saying he should take the eldest: Presuming the 2 Dads are planning the golfing, are you just expecting that the other Mum will happily mind 2 toddlers on her own without being asked??

@DivisionBelle Not at all! I am presuming that the DH is not a complete arse, as OP says he’s a good guy who does 50-50 usually, and thus would not just dump his toddler unasked on another woman ... so his plans might need to change, and perhaps not involve golf at all. But he’d still get the catch-up with mates, and OP would get to relax at home & sleep when baby sleeps without toddler & associated catering duties.

That said, I’d go. It’ll be fun when you get there.

64BooLane · 30/12/2017 10:05

I wouldn’t go tbh. But I really hate Hogmanay, holiday cottages and fun Grin

BewareOfDragons · 30/12/2017 10:05

I don't think he should be golfing if you go. What, you get the night shift AND the joy of watching a baby and a toddler while he gets a full night sleep and then pisses off for half the day to play golf? And then you're on the night shift again?

Fuck that.

diddl · 30/12/2017 10:11

Op is just going to look such a killjoy isn't she though if she goes on the proviso that he doesn't do the golf?

Is there something that you & the other woman can go & do whilst leaving the kids?

annandale · 30/12/2017 10:12

I would go, as long as all the travelling was done at night. The golden days when ds would just drop off in his pjs in the car seat were fab. We had lovely relaxed ADULT conversations. Fill the car up beforehand and take a flask so you can enjoy a coffee without waking them.

2 kids playing together always more relaxing, plus 8 pairs of hands with the baby. Definitely go.

OnTheRise · 30/12/2017 10:12

I wouldn't do that bearing in mind you have a baby who doesn't sleep well.

If your husband wants you to all be together, then tell him you'll go but he'll have to take equal care of the children--which means he can't have a drink as he has to be sober to take proper care of them.

There's no reason you have to be the only person taking care of your baby.

Glowerglass · 30/12/2017 10:13

I wouldn't go.

NerrSnerr · 30/12/2017 10:14

I would take less too. Do you need 2 high chairs? I assume that the baby is only having 1 or 2 meals a day and not having much so I’m sure they can sit in shifts or on your lap.

timeisnotaline · 30/12/2017 10:19

I would only go if dh recognises that I don’t do all the work and get no sleep. So if I am going to be up all night I get every lie in and a nap each day child free. If that doesn’t work with golf tough shit.

VictoriaMildrew · 30/12/2017 10:22

Another one here who just doesn't get why you need two high chairs for a two night stay! I only had one for my two (similar age difference). Do they honestly eat at the same time all the time that necessitates this? Saying that...I hate New Year anyway so wouldn't be going 😂😂

mickeysminnie · 30/12/2017 10:22

Give him the option of going by himself, taking the toddler with him or staying at home. You are staying at home. It is up to him what he chooses.
Golfing with his friend doesn't soumd like a family activity to me? Or is there an activity planned for the mums for an equal amount of time? Or let me guess your (& the other wife) treat is that you now have each other to keep ye company while your husbands do as they please.

BewareOfDragons · 30/12/2017 10:24

How I love that women get called killjoys because they suggest they aren't willing to do the 24/7 baby and childcare while the men piss off to have fun.

VladmirsPoutine · 30/12/2017 10:26

Just go. It's the holidays. Come on Wine

Kitsharrington · 30/12/2017 10:27

For the love of god, go. Sounds like you could do with a change of scene.

pameladoove · 30/12/2017 10:30

Is it an invitation that's just come up?

Or did you say yes a while ago and now regretting it?

If it's the latter, I think you definitely should go, as would be crap to let them down.

supersop60 · 30/12/2017 10:39

dilldo - sorry what?
beware of dragons - quite.
However, 3 hours travel doesn't seem that big a deal to me. Try to time it so that it coincides with naps. If your DP normally does his share, then make sure he does it on holiday too, and YOU get some down time.

IsaSchmisa · 30/12/2017 10:44

If he refuses to go without you and both kids, that's on him not you. You not going isn't preventing him from being there. He's preventing him from being there.

bigchris · 30/12/2017 10:46

The toddler could sit in a booster seat or have you got a bumbo chair for the baby?