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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to prevent family having fun on New Year's Eve?

104 replies

Unusualllly · 30/12/2017 08:55

Been invited to friends holiday cottage for Hogmanay.
Facts:
3 hour drive away
2 nights stay there
6 month old (does not sleep well at all, worse when away from home)
1+half year old (usually sleeps ok away from home)

Husband dead keen to go. He will have a fun catch up with our friends, go golfing with them etc. Our toddler will love playing with their toddler.

I don't want to go. I am knackered. Lots of driving for the kids. Their sleep and nap routine will be messed up. Hassle to pack car with 2 travel cots, 2 high chairs, toys, clothes, golf stuff, food ,etc.

Having "discussion" (i.e argument). Who wins? Can you help us decide???!!!

(Note- husband is great and does fair share of night waking, chores etc.)

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 30/12/2017 09:17

Its never easy to face into these things with 2 small children but its worth it. Just do it as it will keep fun in your lives. Ye are more than parents so adding in a bit extra now and then keeps things fresh. But your dh needs to make sure he is going to help you there. A promise of a lie on both mornings is a must.
And l wouldn't bring 2 highchairs. One is enough. They can take turns or sit on dhs knee!!

AgentProvocateur · 30/12/2017 09:18

These things are always better than you imagine. The change of scene might make the baby sleep through . It’s good to be with friends at the bells.

DivisionBelle · 30/12/2017 09:19

Hmmm. For me, the golfing is an issue. It means that you end up doing daytime childcare, whether you go or keep the kids on your own back home.

And if he takes one child, the other mother looks after both?

I would go, but insist that I got an uninterrupted 2 hour nap in the afternoon, AND that he does fair share of cooking, kids meals etc, or I would stick to ‘we all stay home’.

SavoyCabbage · 30/12/2017 09:19

I’d put it to him that he goes with your oldest. I know you say he will say no but you should at least put forward your case.

NoSquirrels · 30/12/2017 09:19

Thing is, when our DC were that age 3 hours would have been an amazing travel time to get to see family - journey time usually 4.5 hours with a stop. And if you time it they sleep most of the way, so it’s not so bad. Depends what you’re used to, I guess.

KalaLaka · 30/12/2017 09:20

I agree with you, OP. But then when I get tired I can't be bothered to do anything. So I do have to push myself if I think I might enjoy some of it.

If you do go, make a deal before you start the prep, regarding packing, etc. When you're there, make sure you get designated nap time and time out, not just you watching kids while he plays golf and when he's hungover. Set this in stone! Cooking and cleaning not all down to you. He does the nappies.

blueskyinmarch · 30/12/2017 09:20

I would go. I am assuming there will be others there so company for you and the DC when you DH is out golfing. We used to do things like that all the time when our DC were young and they are some of my best memories from that time. Let the routines go a bit, chill and enjoy a few G&T's and the company of friends. We don't meet up with friends nearly so often now our kids are grown and i miss it.

DamsonGin · 30/12/2017 09:21

If you do go, do it on the condition that you are in a quiet bedroom, not right next to the kitchen or other noisy room used late at night. I've been to big gatherings in past years, stressed and knackered from kids and there's nothing worse than being kept awake at rare chances for sleep.

KalaLaka · 30/12/2017 09:22

divisionbelle hadn't seen your post... spot on!

Ilovecamping · 30/12/2017 09:22

I would suggest he take oldest child with him to give them a chance of quality time together.

rookiemere · 30/12/2017 09:23

I think you should go - it's important to keep touch with friends and your toddler will enjoy the company.

I agree with Division Belle - you need down time too, so agree to go on the condition that you get a daytime nap/lie in with no DCs present, equal to the length of time of his golf and that you each have one lie in.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/12/2017 09:26

I'd go. Everything is difficult with small dc. In general I think you just need to get on with it. Get back into routine after new year.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 30/12/2017 09:26

Can you leave on New Year’s Day - but in the evening. Bath little ones, pop them in pyjamas & drive home after 7pm? They’d probably nap in the car which will make the journey less stressful & you’ll only have one night of having to deal with keeping them quiet overnight at someone else’s house?

extinctspecies · 30/12/2017 09:27

Sounds like fun.

Go and enjoy it.

And I would stay for the 2 nights, not one - that way you have the day in the middle with no long journey so you can relax together.

diddl · 30/12/2017 09:30

So, if he's wanting a fun catch up & golf-are supposed to spend all/most of the time looking after the kids?

If most you either need to change that or you ight as well just be at home!

Sounds as if him taking the toddler might be the best.

Spadequeen · 30/12/2017 09:30

Why can’t he take his turn with the crying baby? You said he’s very good at sharing the load

DivisionBelle · 30/12/2017 09:31

For those of you saying he should take the eldest: Presuming the 2 Dads are planning the golfing, are you just expecting that the other Mum will happily mind 2 toddlers on her own without being asked??

mumof2sarah · 30/12/2017 09:35

I'd be snatching their hands off to go, it's a wonderful break in what will be a beautiful setting.

Take away some of the packing things,, I'm sure the babies will be fine being fed on your knee or in buggies for two days and there's a lot more space already.

OuaisMaisBon · 30/12/2017 09:39

He wants to be with his family, out playing golf with his pals whilst you look after both children? How does that count as being any better than leaving you behind?

category12 · 30/12/2017 09:40

Don't go up and down to the dc all night - make no attempt to put them to bed, (if dh disagrees, let him put the toddler to bed). Keep the baby with you. It'll be less stressful than trying and he/she will probably fall asleep during the party.

You'll have fun.

HermioneAndMsJones · 30/12/2017 09:43

He goes and takes the kids.
Ther won’t be any playing golf, very little sleep and it will be hard to relax but who cares?he will be with friends, will catch up them as he is so keen to do.

The reason why he is so keen is because he is going to do little parenting and little of the hard work.
The guy who is already stating that he will be able to go and play golf with friends and ‘catch up’ isn’t one that is pulling is weight sorry. Because doing any of those will Be hard with two very young children in tow. It will only be possible if someone else (YOU, the mum) is going to look after them....
Same with you thinking ahead of the routine (I suspect he won’t be suffering when said routine is messed up in coming back home), taking all the stuff (has he ormally handling all the organisation or you do?) etc....

Christmascheerful · 30/12/2017 09:43

Be clear with dh its your trip too and expect equal help
But I would Definitely go. I've done 3-4hour car trips regularly since my dd was newborn to now as my family are from another part of UK to where I love now it's been no problem!

I would definitely go for it what a nice opportunity

pluginbaby00 · 30/12/2017 09:43

Well if you decide to go and you say he generally pulls his weight you need to sit down right now and establish how he is going to make it less awful for you. Perhaps even enjoyable!

Get it set in stone that he will do certain things, be that giving you long lies, doing more of the wake ups. or equal time in lieu for his golfing while you have to do the childcare. Be specific, even some of the most well-meaning men seem to just assume you will enjoy sitting with the other mum and all the kids. That's not a break for you.

Do you really need to take 2 high chairs? For 2 nights I would just make do/feed kids on someone's knee or sit beside them on floor!

missmapp · 30/12/2017 09:46

In my experience these things are always better than you imagine. It sounds like your hosts have a toddler too? That will help as it means they have toys/ safe house etc Just prepare yourself that routines will go out of the window, relax and enjoy. I would ( and have) felt exactly like you in the build up to trips to stay with friends, and it is always better than I imagined.

HermioneAndMsJones · 30/12/2017 09:47

And btw with NO OPTION of him going on his own?? Is he the one to dictate what the family is doing? If he wants something then it has to happen?
F*k that. You entitled to have a voice and your of heard and taken into account too.

As for you getting up at night... well that’s it, isn’t it? If the routine is messed up, the baby doesn’t sleep, it’s not going to impact him. He will be rested (but you will be knackered), he will do his game of golf (whilst younwill Ben looking at two dcs on your own). No wonder he is keen to go.

But what about YOU?
Yu haven’t said a word of what could be nice for you do when you are there. There is something for your DH, something for your toddler and then... what’s in it for you? Bar tiredness and stress?

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