Midwife Consultant bully!

[libertysilk]

Expecting my third child, and, as I'm 45, am monitored quite a lot. I have 3 weeks to go. I've had a complication free pregnancy. Scans and tests all normal and within expected parameters.
Due to my age, I've been refused the option of giving birth in my local birth centre as its not attached to a maternity ward. I challenged this, and was booked an appointment with a midwife consultant.
She wants me to be induced at 38 weeks, due to statistics of women my age having problems. She keeps saying I'll haemorrhage or have a still born. In a meeting on Wednesday she took my hand in hers, and placed it on her stomach. Said she wants the best for me and wished me well.
My midwife has ok'd me for a home birth, and disagrees with the consultant.
I feel I'm being scare mongered, and bullied.
I'm part of a group run by a midwife and doula with 38 years experience between them. They support me along with my midwife, and say I am healthy and fit and perfectly able to have baby at home. They've said the midwife consultant is behaving professionally and is bullying me, and I should report her.
I'm in two minds.
I'm not naive, and will not put my baby at risk, but, this is putting huge stress on my pregnancy, including confusing and upsetting the father too.
AIBU to be upset?

I think it depends on your attitude to risk. Certainly with one of mine I was prepared to have a stillbirth to avoid a c section. Each to their own I think.

Head of the hive? WTF? Assume goady TFIC post.

In fact I’ve reported your post. Many in here have had still births

The point of this thread is to agree with the OP and her choice and to agree her consultant is a bully. She's not looking for advice.

I think you are incredibly selfish OP. however I hope everything works out for you and your baby.

Headofthehive - that is one of the most insensitive posts I've ever seen.

No I am not being Goady.
I had the situation where I was told that I almost certainly would have a stillbirth. And delivered expecting such. I wasn't prepared to have a section. IT wouldn't have altered her outcome, yet would have left me less likely to be able to have the number of children I desired.

I find that a really weird attitude. You chose hypothetical future babies over the one you were actually carrying?

Oh my! I have to say, I am genuinely shocked and surprised, maybe naively so, as to how passionate and emotive responses have been. As women, we might not all agree, but a level of sensitivity, instead of point scoring or goading, should come into account surely?
The whole reason I posted was to get a balanced view outside of those who know me or my family. I'm glad I did. I've had several days now, not that I haven't been agonising for weeks already, to really discuss with loved ones and weigh up all my options.
I've decided to have a sweep at 38 weeks, so, just under a week. I'll deliver in the birthing centre attached to the hospital. Yes, I am 45 and have to realise this, and be realistic, and not romanticize the birth. Reality has bitten!
Thank you all again for your input, its been extremely insightful and helpful.

What a great update. It must have been very hard to read some of these responses.

Good luck OP. You'll be welcoming your new baby soon, congratulations.

Yes, good luck OP and enjoy the baby!

Good luck. I hope it goes well. I had DD in hospital, and my experience was very positive. Unlike many mumsnetters I didn't view hospital as a hostile place to have a baby. I was well looked after and loads of support with breastfeeding. In fact, if I had had DD at home she would have been formula fed from the start as I couldn't get DD to latch on for several days.

Good for you OP. I wish you all the best for the birth and to enjoy your new baby x

More power to you liberty. It is a really hard call when you don't completely agree with the medical advice given. Getting the balance right is really tricky.

In my recent birth, I was only given the option of the consultant led unit. However, the birth was really straight forward in the end, it was just me, my partner and one Midwife. A consultant popped her head in the door at one point just to say hello. I had the option to go home immediately after the birth. The experience was exactly as it would have been on the midwife led unit.

All the best.

Ps, you might want to think about more than one sweep, I was told by several midwives that 2 or 3 is better a day or two apart. They did seem to help me along.

@libertysilk well done difficult decision I know but a sensible one, good luck!

Fwiw I think you have made the right decision. Best of luck and enjoy your baby!

If you really want to avoid a chemical induction, and in case the sweep doesn't take, talk to them now about a balloon catheter. I'd never heard of one and you very rarely hear about them, but when they could see that I was extremely reluctant to have a chemical induction they finally brought it up.

It's a little balloon that they put in your cervix, inflate, and it triggers labour. Extremely effective apparently, and avoids the issues associated with IV syntocin.

And yes a very emotive thread! Your plan sounds great imho. Good luck x x

Balloon catheter induction
www.verywell.com/what-is-a-foley-catheter-induction-of-labor-2758962

@Headofthehive55
You are truly ugly and selfish.
Why would you say something like that?
I've been in the position of losing my twins and believe me, they could've chopped my head off if it meant they would live.
You need a reality check my dear,because someone always has to be the statistic, don't ever think it won't be you.

Excellent response OP! I have to say I have been left open-mouthed at some of the judgemental and insensitive comments. So pleased to read your update and wishing you all the best for you and your growing family!

Headofthehive55 what a hideous thing to say

OP I admire your ability to rationally think it all through and take the various points on board. I think you're doing the right thing.

Good luck - I hope you have a smooth and trouble free labour.

Headadofthe hive, that's a disgusting thing to say. Totally vile.

Goilod decision, OP, made with facts. It's hard to remove the emotion but you've done the right thing.
Inductions can go well. BTW i had an epidural and it was wonderful to deliver painlessly as my bones ache in my 40s!

Thank you couldnt
My baby was below the legal limit for termination - I presume you don't agree with women being forced to carry when they don't wish to?
As it happens, the neonatal consultant remarked that refusal to have a section actually saved my babies life. Her lungs were more able to function you see.
It's about the risks you wish to bear, and the choices you wish to take.

It's hardly a vile wish - it is actual policy in a lot of units due to the difficulties with extreme prem babies.