Midwife Consultant bully!

[libertysilk]

Expecting my third child, and, as I'm 45, am monitored quite a lot. I have 3 weeks to go. I've had a complication free pregnancy. Scans and tests all normal and within expected parameters.
Due to my age, I've been refused the option of giving birth in my local birth centre as its not attached to a maternity ward. I challenged this, and was booked an appointment with a midwife consultant.
She wants me to be induced at 38 weeks, due to statistics of women my age having problems. She keeps saying I'll haemorrhage or have a still born. In a meeting on Wednesday she took my hand in hers, and placed it on her stomach. Said she wants the best for me and wished me well.
My midwife has ok'd me for a home birth, and disagrees with the consultant.
I feel I'm being scare mongered, and bullied.
I'm part of a group run by a midwife and doula with 38 years experience between them. They support me along with my midwife, and say I am healthy and fit and perfectly able to have baby at home. They've said the midwife consultant is behaving professionally and is bullying me, and I should report her.
I'm in two minds.
I'm not naive, and will not put my baby at risk, but, this is putting huge stress on my pregnancy, including confusing and upsetting the father too.
AIBU to be upset?

Second paragraph from the Doula UK website:

“Doulas are usually experienced women who have completed some basic training. We do not offer clinical skills and are not medically trained.”

So yeah, definitely take their advice over a consultant’s.

I'd listen to the consultant. I was like you and took their advice. DC born safely and with all equipment available if necessary.
Why take the risk? So you birth a healthy baby at home and can say , "I told you I was right". But what if you have complications.

Your child, your choice but consider the possible implications.

Well actually refusing the induction and having a homebirth will cost the nhs significantly less money than having an induction would.

She is presenting you with the evidence so you can make an informed choice. However fit you are you are still at increased risk of haemorrhage and stillbirth . In my view safety of your baby should trump your wish for the perfect birth. However she delivered the message, the message is evidence based and correct.

Yabu

But then my friend has just given birth to dd sleeping at just over 40 wks.

I'd listen to them

Yes because doctors, nurses and midwives aren't people and never ever get it wrong. My midwife was amazing. However not everyone is. Go with your gut op. Your body, your baby.

As with the tummy touching, it's a it odd but I wouldn't be bothered by it. But again everyone's boundaries are different.

I think they're right. You're 45 is it really worth the risk? I don't really understand this "I'm entitled" mentality with some pregnant women surely the baby's life is more important to you than that,you've had other labours, does it really matter where it is? I know for me I couldn't have cared less where I laboured and gave birth because when you're in pain generally you don't give a fuck about that sort of thing. But then I would have put my life above my baby's,I told them any problems save my baby first and I understand not everyone feels that way. Anyway I'm sure everything will be fine but honestly I think she just meant to put her point across as a medical professional in the best way she could.

Well to be honest Pen, I think they should. There should be a duty of care to minors to enable doctors to overrule parents' wishes if it's in the child's intetests, but if an adult was daft enough to refuse treatment, let them get on with it.
Keeping with the broken leg anology, I would not be able to demand a team of doctors come to treat me at home, which is what pregnant women can do to give birth, thus denying other women the resources.
I think enough is enough.

Oh and a doula really doesn't have any say on medical consultation.

Personally I think a home birth at 45 IS risky
OP .

Put aside the annoyance at the bedside manner personally and focus on having a simple hospital birth and getting that baby out

Best of luck and I salute you for having a baby at my age !!!

It's easy to be blasé when nothing has gone wrong. The evidence is clear, the risks are significant. When my placenta failed there were very few signs. Thank goodness I was induced and my baby was delivered safely (and happily, it was a lovely drug-free labour). The hand on tummy thing sounds odd, but the advice does not.

@Pengggwn yeah that's why I said I understand not everyone feels that way,oh and it was my opinion I didn't say she has to follow it

Going with your gut instinct is seriously bad advice. This isn’t a HCP’s opinion, it’s evidence based facts.

By all means advise the OP to read the evidence and make whatever decision she wishes after that. But acting on gut instinct when there’s evidence to be read is silly. If OP decides to then still have a home birth, that’s her choice. Some people are more risk averse than others and for some a homebirth will be more important than a higher chance of a stillbirth.

Vivslabeaver, only if the home birth was straightforward.

"In a meeting on Wednesday she took my hand in hers, and placed it on her stomach"

Why would the midwife place your hand on her tummy?

Can you get a second opinion?

I have to say I find your mindset quite hard to understand. The worst case scenario if you're right and you do what she suggests is that you end up with a more medicalised birth than you want with more interventions (which, of course, is always a risk for anyone giving birth). The worst case scenario if she's right but you do what you want is a dead baby. How can you be weighing those things equally? She does sound pushy, but then if she really thinks you're significantly more likely to haemorrhage or have a stillbirth wouldn't you expect her to try pretty hard to persuade you?

cathf. Well if it goes very badly it will also be cheap for the nhs. Horrible to say but true is that dead babies don’t cost the nhs anything. Not when all the information has been correctly given and someone chooses not to follow advice.

@Pengggwn so you're saying I can't reply to a thread with my opinions because 100% it's her choice. So why is there a thread and why are there any replies? Odd to pick on just my reply and go on about it. I've said my views to the OP nothing to do with you really but you have your own opinions too and I'm not telling you that you can't have them

Exactly @peng. There are already limitations to what patients can request as well. Smokers have to quit smoking before a friend of mine will operate on them. You can’t rock up to your gp or oncologist and demand a certain cancer drug, even if it’s life saving; if it’s too pricy, you’re not getting it in many cases.

Believe it or not, there are highly qualified people already making the ethical decisions or ‘having a serious think about what we want the nhs to be’. I know, because I know some of them. So far, they haven’t had to go as far as @flouncy suggests, so homebirths and liver operations for alcoholics are still available for now. That may change over the next years and decades, but I don’t see how the op taking everything the consultant midwife says as gospel is going to change anything. I’d definitely want to speak to a doctor or another consultant midwife at least, as the consultant sounds a little unprofessional.

As patients there are things we can do and we do have certain responsibilities, but nobody has to accept treatment if they don’t want it. Nobody will hold anyone down and force treatment on them. They also don’t have to accept the first opinion they’re given

We all have a duty to cost the NHS as little as possible, but for some reason, pregnant women seem to be immune from this and can make all sorts of costly demands which are often pandered to

Quite aside from the rest of your post, home birth is cheaper than hospital birth.

Midwives attending hom births are autonomous professionals, They know what to do if there's an emergency.

Outcomes for mother and baby are better at home for multiparous women. Yes, age is a risk factor, but if it's the only one, it wouldn't make me twitch.