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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect some sympathy?

76 replies

Cupcake99 · 29/12/2017 18:19

I've just come home from a funeral.my uncle (mothers brother) went out hunting the day after Boxing Day and through a freak accident managed to shoot himself. It was a real shock to all the family. My fil decided to come to the funeral, presumably to offer support to myself and my mum, but as we crossed the road outside the church he tried to engage me in conversation, starting with "I feel abit down today..." I looked at him and said "well just imagine how I feel!" I then completely ignored him and stomped off to my car. I know he is a self absorbed asshole who has trouble with social cues but seriously?? I'm mad at my husband as well for not pulling him up on it :(

OP posts:
Phosphorus · 29/12/2017 18:23

Well you might have let him finish the sentence. You have no idea what he was going to say.

You behaved like a petulant child.

Nikephorus · 29/12/2017 18:24

To be honest you sound a bit self-absorbed too. FIL came to the funeral when he didn't have to and tried to make conversation with you - you don't know what he was going to continue with because you decided to make it all about YOU, not your mother, not your dead uncle but you. Given that FIL was the same generation as your uncle it's entirely possible that he's feeling a bit too mortal right now, or maybe he was trying to give you the opportunity to talk about the funeral by opening up on his feelings slightly. You know he has problems with social cues but you throw a hissy fit because he potentially struggled with what to say after a funeral? You might want to think about how you come across.

CanWeJust · 29/12/2017 18:25

So because you feel you have the right to be more upset he isn't allowed to feel a bit down? You could be inconsolable but that doesn't mean he (or anyone else) can't feel affected.

You said it yourself he doesn't really get social cues. He was telling you he felt down and though I understand you were grieving, in this respect I feel like you are being the self absorbed, childish one storming off to your car without waiting to at least hear what he has to say.

Psychobabble123 · 29/12/2017 18:26

I agree with nike, wholeheartedly. You need to apologise OP

HarrietKettleWasHere · 29/12/2017 18:26

That's an awfully quick turn around for a funeral isn't it?

48 hours?!

You must all still be in shock....

Psychobabble123 · 29/12/2017 18:27

Oh gosh Harriet yes I hadn't clocked that!

Namechangetempissue · 29/12/2017 18:27

YAB a bit U - but it is obviously a very difficult time for you and I can see why you would be snappy. Maybe if he could have finished his sentence he may have been trying to offer comfort or a shared experience?

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/12/2017 18:27

I’m guessing he has form for this? You’ve witnessed him being self absorbed and inappropriate many times before?

Otherwise it was daft if you. I know feelings run high at funerals though of course, sometimes people don’t behave well.

OverwhelminglyCrap · 29/12/2017 18:28

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InsomniacAnonymous · 29/12/2017 18:28

You sound like a self-absorbed drama queen. You should have let him finish what he was saying. You were incredibly rude. He was kind to come to the funeral.

Mumof56 · 29/12/2017 18:28

I then completely ignored him and stomped off to my car

Ucalled for reaction. I would expect better from a 5 year old.

iklboo · 29/12/2017 18:28

Are you in the UK? Very quick turnaround for a funeral following a shooting, accidental or not if you are.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 29/12/2017 18:28

There'd barely be time for a coroner's report in that time frame, let alone a church funeral.

Psychobabble123 · 29/12/2017 18:29

OverwhelminglyCrap Indeed! I had no idea the Police could do it so quickly!

InsomniacAnonymous · 29/12/2017 18:29

Wasn't there an inquest?

sheepskinrug · 29/12/2017 18:30

Sorry to say I think you were a bit rude. However, it is understandable given that you were so upset and shocked by your uncle's sad death Flowers

PinkHeart5914 · 29/12/2017 18:30

But you don’t even know what he was going to say Confused

Why can’t he feel a little down? Do you think only you had the right to be upset or feel down?

Your want your dh to pull him up on what?

Stormed off to the car? Are you 8?

Pancakeflipper · 29/12/2017 18:31

I think he should have been allowed to complete his sentence and then you could decide if he was self-absorbed.

And as for the funeral after the quickest inquest and investigation? How did you manage that? We have a 3 wk wait for my relative and they died from natural causes.

BoucleJacket · 29/12/2017 18:31

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ivykaty44 · 29/12/2017 18:31

Gosh sorry for you loss

But how have you managed to get a death certificate so quickly and a cause of death? Usually there is an inquest after a sudden freak accident death

FittonTower · 29/12/2017 18:31

My FIL died in hospital, he had dementia and a pre-exsisting heart condition and they still had a post-mortum. If they didn't for a freak shooting accident then I'd be putting in some serious complaints, not getting all mardy because your father in law was sad at a funeral.

PinkHeart5914 · 29/12/2017 18:31

Also yes why no inquest?

The man shot himself and no questions were asked they just had a funeral for him? How odd

MynewnameisKy · 29/12/2017 18:31

I would assume @Cupcake99 is not in England.

Irish funerals usually turn around in 3-4 days even with a post mortem. Inquests don't open for weeks.

apostropheuse · 29/12/2017 18:32

That's an unbelievably quick time frame for the circumstances.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 29/12/2017 18:32

Over Christmas?