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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To expect some sympathy?

76 replies

Cupcake99 · 29/12/2017 18:19

I've just come home from a funeral.my uncle (mothers brother) went out hunting the day after Boxing Day and through a freak accident managed to shoot himself. It was a real shock to all the family. My fil decided to come to the funeral, presumably to offer support to myself and my mum, but as we crossed the road outside the church he tried to engage me in conversation, starting with "I feel abit down today..." I looked at him and said "well just imagine how I feel!" I then completely ignored him and stomped off to my car. I know he is a self absorbed asshole who has trouble with social cues but seriously?? I'm mad at my husband as well for not pulling him up on it :(

OP posts:
HarrietKettleWasHere · 29/12/2017 18:47

Yes, Christmas Day is still on the 25th in cypress as it is here. So that's still a remarkable amount to have to organise during Christmas week.

Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 18:48

Don't worry about it, OP. It's understandable to snap under all the strain.

What a tragic accident. Flowers

RadioGaGoo · 29/12/2017 18:49

Don't expect any sympathy here OP

Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 18:49

Lots of countries try and bury on the same day/next day.

OP, I have reported the insensitive posts.

Original poster
Cupcake99 · 29/12/2017 18:50

@iklboo no fil don't know my uncle at all

OP posts:
Brandbrandbrandy · 29/12/2017 18:50

Under the circumstances it is totally understandable that you were upset and on edge, hence lashing out the way you did.

But when the dust has settled a bit, you might feel differently and recognise that you didn’t give your fil a chance to finish his sentence.

Original poster
Cupcake99 · 29/12/2017 18:51

Thank you @Cantuccit I am quite shocked at some of the answers although as a previous poster stated I probably made a mistake posting this in mumsnet! Live and learn

OP posts:
iklboo · 29/12/2017 18:53

In that case - and from your earlier posts - I can kind of see why you snapped at him. Unfortunately he may be one of those people who are completely tactless or don't know what to say in sad / awkward situations but don't know when to keep schtum either.

AmIthatbloodycold · 29/12/2017 18:54

What? Is there still hunting? Why did you not let the
Man speak? What a quick funeral for a shooting. Hmm

BoomBoomsCousin · 29/12/2017 18:54

Funerals in many countries, especially hot ones, traditionally happen quickly. If you don’t believe the OP report the thread and read something else instead of troll hunting and sowing doubt on a thread about the recent loss of a family member.

OP you don’t know what he was going to say, so it does seem snappy. It sounds like you FIL has form for making everything all about him and you were grieving and somewhat shocked, so it’s not necessarily surprising you were not entirely polite or open to what he had to say. Don’t worry about it much. Hide behind the excuse of your grief and act as though it didn’t happen. Is FIL likely to have seen it as rude, or is he pretty oblivious to social cues all round?

YellowFlower201 · 29/12/2017 18:55

Sorry for your loss. I guess you've said your bit. What has fil said/done in response?

Seniorcitizen1 · 29/12/2017 18:57

Are you aged 5?

AmIthatbloodycold · 29/12/2017 18:58

Cantu cut. How many did you report?

VioletCharlotte · 29/12/2017 19:04

I didn't realise Boxing Day hunts were a tradition outside of the UK.

Original poster
Cupcake99 · 29/12/2017 19:06

@BoomBoomsCousin he probably dismissed it as he just doesn't register things that don't directly relate to him

OP posts:
Original poster
Cupcake99 · 29/12/2017 19:06

@YellowFlower201 he hasn't responded at all

OP posts:
Original poster
Cupcake99 · 29/12/2017 19:07

@VioletCharlotte it wasn't a Boxing Day hunt-here in cyprus hunters are allowed to tramp around the mountains in season,and shoot birds,rabbits etc. he was off on his own

OP posts:
MNHQ
HebenotafraidMumsnet · 29/12/2017 19:08

Evening, folks. Just popping by with a reminder that we don't encourage troll hunting. If you have concerns please hit the report button rather than make accusations on a thread. Thanks.

iklboo · 29/12/2017 19:08

The uncle went out hunting, not went on a Boxing Day Hunt (horse & hound). Hunting is still a fairly popular pastime in Cyprus I believe.

LoniceraJaponica · 29/12/2017 19:13

There is shooting round where we live. All the beaters were having a drink in our local on Boxing Day. We were offered a brace of pheasant.

Sorry for your loss Cupcake. It must have been quite a shock.

Original poster
Cupcake99 · 29/12/2017 19:16

@LoniceraJaponica yes it was a complete shock

OP posts:
Inthetropics · 29/12/2017 19:18

Funerals in my country happen the same night of the day of death or in the next day. Family stay awake through the night and pray, pay their respects.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. YANBU

Original poster
Cupcake99 · 29/12/2017 19:20

@Inthetropics thank you

OP posts:
Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 19:26

@Amithatbloodycold just the zapped ones.

Alison100199 · 29/12/2017 19:43

Sorry for your loss OP but I think you were harsh to him. Grief does odd things to people but you were rude.

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