Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask how I can find out if the man down the road is a pedophile?

108 replies

Robyrollover · 29/12/2017 14:11

Potentially this is just gossip, but I have been told that there is a man in my road that is on the sex offenders register for looking at indecent images of children.

I have 3 young DC.

Is there a way to find out?

OP posts:
Elendon · 29/12/2017 16:29

He happened to be caught. The perfectly lovely next door neighbour might be a bit more circumspect. You would never know. Ever.

And stop listening to gossip.

perfectstorm · 29/12/2017 16:29

This is the link. It applies only where the child is at risk of harm, and the person has contact with them. I suspect it's for offending that has involved an actual physical assault, unless the perpetrator is a partner or something. I don't know, however. But the wording does imply that, because they need to balance the risk of offenders constantly having to move, and therefore being harder to monitor.

I think there's more of a risk in worrying about the creepy guy down the street and nobody else, honestly. Child sexual abuse is incredibly common and most of the time people aren't charged or convicted because the child doesn't disclose, or there isn't enough evidence to do anything when they do. Most abuse happens when someone you know grooms the whole family. It's usually someone you know, and probably trust. That wouldn't be this man.

Children being attacked by strangers is very, very rare, thankfully. Common sense, and vigilance around their behaviour with people you know is the best protection.

The really hard thing is that you can't protect them completely without also harming them in terms of learning independence and trust in others as they grow up. It's like all forms of confidence tricks; the criminal relies on the human need and instinct to trust other people. And that need and instinct is also essential as we can't form relationships without it.

There's a really good book, often mentioned on Mumsnet, called The Gift Of Fear. It talks about how we prioritise manners to such an extent that kids, and adult women, are scared more by being thought rude than by potential assault. I think teaching our kids that their bodies are their own, and that it's okay to say no and to remove themselves from situations that make them uncomfortable, and that it is NOT rude to do so, but rude of the adult to place them in that position, is key.

We can't mind-read, and know who around us poses a risk. We can only arm our kids against that risk.

Elendon · 29/12/2017 16:31

When people found out he was moved with a police escort.

How did they find out? You conveniently forgot to add this.

Elendon · 29/12/2017 16:34

I agree with 'the gift of fear' as a must read.

And it's not a pitchforks book. It's very much empowering in the correct sense of the word.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2017 16:37

The chances are you're probably already chatty/friendly with a pedophile, but you just don't know it. And several rapists.

Someone you work with, know, walk your dog with or are friends with IS a sex offender. Act accordingly and teach your children accordingly.

ilovekitkats · 29/12/2017 16:38

I didn’t “conveniently forget” anything. The man was approaching children in the playground and parents were suspicious. They contacted the police who confirmed his record and escorted him, for his own safety, when he was rehomed.

SnowGlitter · 29/12/2017 16:40

This is the link. It applies only where the child is at risk of harm, and the person has contact with them. I suspect it's for offending that has involved an actual physical assault, unless the perpetrator is a partner or something.

Sorry if I've misunderstood, but to clarify...

If there is any conviction of a sexual nature against a child/children, then a disclosure can be made. It doesn't matter whether it's a one off, grooming, online activity, etc.

The level of disclosure made depends on the perceived risk to the child. That is based on a lot of things.

If there is a disclosure to be made then

a) you will be told this, but not given any details at all
b) be told this and given vague details such as a conviction was made of X but that is all.
c) be given full details of the convinctions, number of convictions, circumstances around it etc.

The amount you are told is based on what you need to know to protect your child and the risk posed to your child by the person.

If it is someone who you wouldn't reasonably leave you child with without supervision (e.g. a man who lives down the road) then you will be told nothing.

perfectstorm · 29/12/2017 17:02

I don't know, because it's been a long time since I did any law at all (well over a decade now) and law moves at a breakneck speed, even if I had a good memory, which alas I don't.

All I do know is that they constantly have to balance the risks of a person who has offended re-offending, against the risks to him (rarely her) of being assaulted, or losing their home and support systems which then makes it a lot more likely that they will reoffend somewhere else. Someone who has nothing to lose, and no support, and is not being monitored, is arguably likelier to abuse again.

Therefore I'd be surprised if they told a neighbour, whose kids were never alone with the person and never had reason to be, if he has a conviction for eg online child abuse viewing. I don't know, though. That's purely an uninformed guess.

They need to balance competing risks, and also the rights of any potential victims against the rights of someone who is at very serious risk of being victimised, if a history is made public. It's not simple.

SnowGlitter · 29/12/2017 17:27

perfectstorm Yes. I thought your post was unclear, but probably wasn't!

Therefore I'd be surprised if they told a neighbour, whose kids were never alone with the person and never had reason to be, if he has a conviction for eg online child abuse viewing. I don't know, though. That's purely an uninformed guess

No they wouldn't, but some people on here seem to think that they would.

Izzabellasasperella · 29/12/2017 18:11

There is a convicted paedophile who lives very near to me. The terrace house next to him is for sale. My question is if a family with young children bought it would you tell them?
As far as I know he hasn't re-offended but he did a fairly long prison term for the offence.

perfectstorm · 29/12/2017 18:40

I read again, and you're right; it was unclear. I was trying to make it plan that I was offering an opinion, instead of definite information (other than the link), but I think I was so hesitant, I was clear as mud instead! Sorry. I've seen so many people post legal bollocks with great authority on MN over the years, and was trying to sidestep that. Instead, my meaning wasn't obvious!

Andrewofgg · 29/12/2017 19:20

As to Sarah's Law: If a man goes to the police and says he is concerned about his ex's new partner who has access to his children - can he ask for information?

I can well see that in the hands of some men that would be a weapon of control - but for others not. And even if the requester's motives were all wrong something might show up if the new partner's record was checked.

Would the police tell the father or only tell the mother and leaves her to decide what to do?

Genuine questions, and someone here might know.

perfectstorm · 29/12/2017 19:44

That's a really interesting question.

perfectstorm · 29/12/2017 19:46

I mean that genuinely, I should add! On MN on AIBU that can come across as snarky - it isn't, I'm interested in an answer, too.

I'd imagine it's a case by case decision, and that social services would be involved if the mother needed to be advised of something, but it would be interesting to know if that's correct, and if so, how that is calibrated.

MadCap · 29/12/2017 19:47

A group of parents from my dcs' school successfully lobbied our local mp to have a convicted pedophile rehomed from a flat above a nursery and overlooking the school. He was found out because he was pictured in the local paper and his address named. He was convicted of harrasment and grooming of children under 10 online. He'd also turned up drunk at the school fair (before anyone knew he was a pedo).

Jayfee · 29/12/2017 19:53

Sometimes if you google the street name and the man has been found guilty, info comes up.

RunningOutOfCharge · 29/12/2017 19:54

You are more like kelt to find paedophiles within your own family and circle of friends!

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 29/12/2017 20:00

Forget about the strangers, it is the people you trust the most that is likely to be a problem, simply because they have access to your children.

Obviously sexual abuse by family members hardly ever makes it to the news, the one that we hear about are those rare cases where an unrelated person takes away a child.

So rather than trying to find out if the neighbour’s is a paedofile or teach your children about stranger danger, you should concentrate on making it clear where boundaries are when it comes to their body and to trust you enough to tell you if they ever find themselves in such a situation.

dragonwarrior · 29/12/2017 20:00

No.

You can make a request under Sarah's law but they won't tell you unless they think your children are in immediate danger i.e. this man is your new partner. I know from experience, I was told to just avoid him at all costs and that there was nothing they could tell me that would change the way I currently safeguard my children so not a no and not a yes.

Elendon · 30/12/2017 10:02

This is a disturbing article from the Guardian. The whole situation seems to be out of control.

www.theguardian.com/society/2017/dec/29/estimated-20000-british-men-interested-in-sexually-abusing-children-police-chief-says

Andrewofgg · 30/12/2017 11:21

I suppose the camera and the printing press were once regarded in the same way. The genie is out of the bottle, isn't it?

Elendon · 30/12/2017 11:32

Well it certainly circumvents the CRB, which still should stand. I don't understand your 'genie out of the bottle' remark.

Andrewofgg

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 30/12/2017 11:33

I'm fairly certain my estate has more than its fair share of peadophiles.
Some of he high flats are not popular to rent and the Housing Association has, in the past, filled the gap with homeless persons referrals. Because we' re also quite a distance from the nearest school-its a particularly handy spot to put people released from prison for sex offences.
I could certainly liven up residents assocation meetings by pointing this out [evil grin emoticon]
But I don't- because, as pp have said, the most sensible response is to simple observe normal child protection precautions. Theres nothing to be gained by trying to find out if someone is or isn't a peadophile.

Elendon · 30/12/2017 11:53

Please let's not demonise homeless people. The paedophile could be living next door in your perfect forever home.

You would never know because most are intelligent and clever, have a standing in society, are well liked and get away with it.

Desmondo2016 · 30/12/2017 12:15

You can only request the information if the subject of the request has access to your children. ie the new partner of your children's father. In this situation you would not qualify. You're best off trying Google or your local Facebook gossip page if you're that concerned. Or you could tell him the rumour and ask him. If he's someone you see regularly enough to feel you have a right to the info then presumably you would also want to give him the heads up if the rumours are untrue!