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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how I can find out if the man down the road is a pedophile?

108 replies

Robyrollover · 29/12/2017 14:11

Potentially this is just gossip, but I have been told that there is a man in my road that is on the sex offenders register for looking at indecent images of children.

I have 3 young DC.

Is there a way to find out?

OP posts:
TheHungryDonkey · 29/12/2017 15:27

Stop the gossip. Google Bijan Ebrahimi. I lived in that neighbourhood at the time. That's how an innocent man was stabbed to death and set on fire. Gossip.

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 29/12/2017 15:30

Really? Personally I'd rather they were kept in prison if actually convicted

Well when you run the country you can make it so. In the meantime the paedophiles have to live somewhere HmmConfused

Graphista · 29/12/2017 15:32

I'm allowed my opinion - csa survivor here don't think if convicted they should be released and there's also a lot of people in prison who don't need to be could create the space.

Babycham1979 · 29/12/2017 15:33

Oh, Jesus. This is the stuff of vigilantes. Ignore the gossip and leave the man alone!

Has nobody read To Kill a Mockingbird?

ragged · 29/12/2017 15:33

I wouldn't want to know. I couldn't make that info valuable.
Anyway, ask the neighbours if they heard anything dodgy. There would be buckets of people within my 5 mile radius that knew a lot of detail (if there is detail).

Andrewofgg · 29/12/2017 15:38

"Paedophiles have to live somewhere too." Really? Personally I'd rather they were kept in prison if actually convicted. They can't be "fixed"

It's only a handful of the worst murderers (a couple of score men, and I think two women) who du whole-life tariffs. Other murderers, let alone people convicted of offences less serious than murder - such as accessing these pictures online - are released. And they have to live somewhere.

OP No, there is no way you can find out. If this man worries you, don't interact with him. You no doubt teach your children about the dangers of life generally.

And don't spread the gossip. It can do no good and if it's not true it is viciously harmful.

Babycham1979 · 29/12/2017 15:39

OP, I wonder if anyone in your neighbourhood is currently spreading malicious rumours about you. Getting funny looks in the street? Anyone avoiding you? Recent spate of vandalism against your property?

Or, are you a completely innocent member of the community who's a victim of some idiot's slanderous hearsay? How would you like it?

wanderlust99 · 29/12/2017 15:43

I was horrified to see in a community newspaper that a man a few doors up had been convicted of downloading tens of thousands of category 4 images (the worst). He was spared a jail sentence because he willingly handed over his computer after his wife shopped him Hmm. He was also a white collar professional and felt remorse and the judge felt it necessary to add that the breakdown of his marriage since then had caused him deep distress like I bloody care. He was put on the SO register but was not thought to be a risk as he had never approached any children. I must admit that I feel utterly sick when he is looking out the window when the children are playing outside.

BackBoiler · 29/12/2017 15:49

I have heard about a couple who heard the same about a man who lived down the road. They went out together, got pissed and decided it was a fabulous idea to break into this man's flat and spend the next several hours torturing him.

It turned out they were completely wrong, he just looked 'odd'. They ended up hurting their kids more by receiving lengthy jail sentences because of malicious gossip and getting vicious with too much alcohol inside them!

ilovekitkats · 29/12/2017 15:51

www.sarsas.org.uk

OP there is a way you can find out , thanks to Sarah’s Law, named after Sarah Payne. Her mother Sara campaigned so that people like you can get access to this info.

ilovekitkats · 29/12/2017 15:53

Op, that link appears to be wrong, google Sarah’s law

SilverySurfer · 29/12/2017 15:57

No-one knows how many paedophiles there are or where they live. My eldest niece had a boyfriend who everyone in the family thought was fantastic - kind, caring, funny, always took time to play with younger niece, until youngest DN thankfully found the courage to tell her DM what he had been doing to her. It could be a father, brother, uncle, cousin, family friend, neighbour - anybody.

The only thing you can do is ensure that your children are taught, appropriate for their age, what is unacceptable behaviour and what to do if confronted with such, updated as they get older.

LadyLance · 29/12/2017 16:00

Under Sarah's law (the child sex offender disclosure scheme) you are allowed to ask the police if someone with access to a child has a past history of child sexual offenses. The police can decide what, if any, information to disclose in order to keep a child safe, and I imagine they would be willing to tell you if the person in question didn't have any convictions. Any information given out is subject to a confidentiality agreement and breaching this would be a criminal offense.

So there is a way to find out, although it's worth remembering that not having any convictions doesn't mean someone hasn't committed a crime, especially when it comes to sexual offenses.

ilovekitkats · 29/12/2017 16:02

OP, the link is right, go to general information and it’s on there.

Sarah’s Law. Use it. The police might not tell you but they have to consider your request.

A paedophile moved into our village, onto a housing estate filled with families, opposite the park. When people found out he was moved with a police escort.

xXKXx · 29/12/2017 16:04

Google peadophile data base and type in your location

Iprefercoffeetotea · 29/12/2017 16:04

Ignore the gossip and move on. I suppose he's a gentleman of a certain age living alone, so of course that makes him suspicious?

Lizzie48 · 29/12/2017 16:10

I would be concerned, too, OP, especially as a SA survivor with 2 little girls. But the thing to do is teach our children to stay safe, about stranger danger and the NSPCC PANTS campaign. Sadly, children are in more danger from people they trust.

Gossip can be really dangerous too, however. We don't want to encourage vigilantes to take the law into their own hands and attack someone they suspect of being a paedophile. Innocent people get targeted that way, and none of us want that.

thegrinchreaper · 29/12/2017 16:11

I worked with them in my old job (as part of my role). The probability of one living on your street or nearby is very high.
I wouldn't worry about it, though, you aren't going to leave your kids with someone you don't know anyway, are you.

MammaTJ · 29/12/2017 16:12

My Mums next door neighbour is a paedophile and lives opposite a park. He has spoken to my DC in the past, but not since his first conviction and certainly not after his 2nd as he is still in prison for it.

If my mum had not read about it in the paper, and told me I would not have known, but my DC were never in danger from him as they would not have been alone with someone I knew as little as I did him!

SnowGlitter · 29/12/2017 16:15

The Police won't even fill in the paper work for an information request under the Child Sex Offenders Disclosure Scheme (Sarah's Law) unless you have a valid reason to be asking.

Valid reasons include:

My mum (children's grandma) has a new boyfriend and is insisting that he is there when the children stop over night without me.

My ex has a new partner who spends time with him and the children.

etc.

But even then they will ask to you to provide them with valid reasons why you need to know and wouldn't trust e.g. the grandma or the ex to appropriately safeguard.

You certainly do not have the right to ask about the man who lives down the road on the basis that you have heard rumours and you sometimes chat to him when you walk your dog and want to know if it's still ok to do so.

They would not confirm if there was nothing to disclose because not confirming this would necessarily confirm that there was something to disclose but that they were not going to do so.

You are bound by the data protection act if you are told anything and obliged to keep it confidential so, other than not talking to him anymore, there is absolutely nothing you could do about it.

Original poster
Robyrollover · 29/12/2017 16:15

Ignore the gossip and move on. I suppose he's a gentleman of a certain age living alone, so of course that makes him suspicious?

He’s not, actually.

OP posts:
PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 29/12/2017 16:16

Give him a nod hello in passing, don’t worry about his past, worry about teaching your children how to be safe. Ignore the gossips. That way nobody is hurt or threatened. You’re not planning to invite him into your home anyway so don’t give it another thought.

Original poster
Robyrollover · 29/12/2017 16:21

Ignore the gossip and move on. I suppose he's a gentleman of a certain age living alone, so of course that makes him suspicious?

He’s not, actually.

OP posts:
bellabasset · 29/12/2017 16:25

Yes you can check. I think that being aware of a person's history gives you the knowledge to take appropriate action. For e.g. there were rumours about the male in a family (with dc's) who had moved in recently. I checked it out and he had admitted having child porn on his computer.

My NDN, whose little daughters run round stark naked, is thankful he does not overlook her garden. Another neighbour who has older dc's and is overlooked has warned them not to play football near the fence as there are young children around. He doesn't mix with anyone but people are aware and can take sensible precautions.

I know the case a PP mentioned and it was desperately sad, his family were talking about his lack of support. While people have the right to know they also have a responsibility to behave appropriately and not take the lse

SnowGlitter · 29/12/2017 16:27

Yes you can check. I think that being aware of a person's history gives you the knowledge to take appropriate action. For e.g. there were rumours about the male in a family (with dc's) who had moved in recently. I checked it out and he had admitted having child porn on his computer.

Who did you check with?

Under CSODS, regardless of who makes the inquiry, only the person with responsiblity for protecting the child who might be at risk is disclosed to.