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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how I can find out if the man down the road is a pedophile?

108 replies

Robyrollover · 29/12/2017 14:11

Potentially this is just gossip, but I have been told that there is a man in my road that is on the sex offenders register for looking at indecent images of children.

I have 3 young DC.

Is there a way to find out?

OP posts:
rothbury · 29/12/2017 14:30

I have a very good friend who works in this area.

They have advised me that if most people were able to see registered sex offenders, there would be few of us that didn't have one in our immediate road/vicinity.

I cannot see the benefit of you knowing about this particular man unless he is working with children/asking if he can babysit.

Why do you stand around chatting to someone who lives at the end of your street anyway? unfriendly southerner emoji

Anaiis · 29/12/2017 14:31

There were some stats published by the police earlier this year which said there were iirc over 100,000 people being investigated for crimes involving abuse images. As such, given that number is likely to be only a proportion of those who have viewed them, the chances are most of us live in the same road, or very close to, someone who has committed an offence of this nature.

It's also worth pointing out that in contact offences, most child abusers are a family member of the victim, or a close family friend. Hence the importance of teaching children that no one has the right to touch them in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable, and if anyone does or says anything of that nature, they must inform you. Sadly it's not as simple as stranger danger.

CaramelEmporium · 29/12/2017 14:35

I get why you'd want to know OP and the reasons why, I'd feel the same.

Original poster
Robyrollover · 29/12/2017 14:38

“Why do you stand around chatting to someone who lives at the end of your street anyway? unfriendly southerner emoji“

We walk our dogs at the same time

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 29/12/2017 14:39

Genuinely can't understand why you'd want to know.

You don't have more than a passing acquaintance anyway

viques · 29/12/2017 14:39

Just make sure you know the difference between a "pedophile'" (sic) and a paediatrician. so easy to confuse the two as those ignorant vigilantes found out a few years ago.

Original poster
Robyrollover · 29/12/2017 14:40

The stats are eye opening. I had no idea. If it is this prevalent, what is being done to prevent access to this stuff? It’s sickening. Then again , I guess more should be done to ‘fix’ these people?!

Not sure if knowing there’s that many of them makes this any better...

OP posts:
RoseWhiteTips · 29/12/2017 14:41

Paedophile - not to be confused with paediatrician. Hmm

RoseWhiteTips · 29/12/2017 14:42

Should have read viques’ post...

NoqontroI · 29/12/2017 14:46

I would think many of us have a sex offender living in our street. I can't see why you would need to know who it is, what difference is it going to make to you. I'm assuming you don't let your small children go out on their own?

MiltonTheChristmasCockroach · 29/12/2017 14:47

If you Google then there's sites like this where you can search.

  • disclaimer: never used it so have no idea how accurate/up to date it is

theukdatabase.com/

SpiritedAweigh · 29/12/2017 14:47

try putting your postcode in here

QuiteLikeable · 29/12/2017 14:48

MN is most contradictory today. I was just on a thread where it was suggested that the OP seek therapy because she got cross at her daughter ruining her new trousers.

And now it's beyond the pale to want to know if there's a dangerous neighbour a few doors away.

Baffled.

HotelEuphoria · 29/12/2017 14:48

No, I wouldn't want to know. Like PP have said, there could be dozens of similarly inclined people without a criminal record living in your town.

Until he was caught for sexually assaulting a young woman early on the way to work one morning I had no idea the man living on the opposite side of my quiet road of mainly elderly people was a sexual predator with a fetish for women's underwear.

I am glad I didn't it would have put paid to early morning walks.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2017 14:50

I'm more baffled at your post QuiteLikeable and how those two examples have nothing to with each other.

SpiritedAweigh · 29/12/2017 14:52

I'd want to know.

Like Id want to know if there was a convicted burglar a few doors down.

I guess I'd just want to be more aware and be able to warn my kids that person in particular is someone we never talk to, even if they are a neighbour.

deptfordgirl · 29/12/2017 14:56

Please don't listen to gossip. Think of that poor man who was beaten to death for taking pictures of teenagers who were vandelising his house because they thought he was a paedophile. That makes me feel so sick and angry. Just don't leave your children in a vulnerable position as you shouldn't with any stranger.

QuiteLikeable · 29/12/2017 14:59

Worra, in the first example, everyone was up in arms that a 7 year old could have the capacity to understand what it means to ruin their stuff. And in this example, apparently protecting children from a paedophile is ridiculous.

I dunno, it made sense in my head but my fingers just aren't typing it up properly! Grin

Bluelonerose · 29/12/2017 15:01

I do understand why you would want to know but tbh use be more wary about the ones who HAVEN'T been court yet.

SnowGlitter · 29/12/2017 15:10

There's nothing you can do.

If the person is to have regular, potentially unsupervised contact with your child/ren, then you can make use of the child sex offenders disclosure scheme. Just think that there might be someone dodgy on your street? Yes, quite possibly. And there's nothing you can do.

If you don't want to ever risk having a chat with a person who has an unpalatable interest in children, then you're best off not speaking to anyone. Given that all sex offenders are friends with/known to/related to someone.

SnowGlitter · 29/12/2017 15:11

SpiritedAweigh That database is nonsense.

Graphista · 29/12/2017 15:13

"Paedophiles have to live somewhere too." Really? Personally I'd rather they were kept in prison if actually convicted. They can't be "fixed"

That said sadly I agree many simply haven't been caught yet so you still need to prepare your DC and stay aware yourself. Most abuse is committed by people close to/part of the family.

It's also not uncommon for rumours like this to be started as vengeance for a failed relationship, other perceived wrongdoing.

Nikephorus · 29/12/2017 15:16

Just don't leave your children in a vulnerable position as you shouldn't with any stranger.
This ^^ surely; protect your kids and teach them how to protect themselves and then it won't matter whether you've a paedophile next door or not. You can't tell just by looking (I had one as a neighbour - he was a primary school headteacher and only got found out because his laptop got nicked - he came across as a really nice guy, good neighbour, decent father etc., ended up with a prison sentence (rightly so)) so take reasonable precautions with everyone.

Seasonseatings · 29/12/2017 15:18

We have one living nearby, it means that I won’t let my DD play out on her own, he keeps going into prison and then getting released, my heart always sinks when I see him.

Try google? If he is convicted there may be a reference to it online

SnowGlitter · 29/12/2017 15:20

Just don't leave your children in a vulnerable position as you shouldn't with any stranger.

Quite. Although given that the majority of children are at risk from someone they are close to and who is trusted by the parents...

In somecases, it's an extended family member, e.g. aunt/grandparent, who has introduced the person to the child. Sometimes knowingly. Although not always for nefarious reasons. But either way...

You just don't know.

Which is why we teach our children to be safe and 'private pants' and all that.

You can't just focus on one man on at the end of the road who you sometimes chat with when walking the dog about whom there have been rumours.

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