to assume if I fancy someone they fancy me?

[Helenaslexandria]

Is this weird? Does anyone else feel the same? If I come to the realisation that I quite fancy someone, I basically presume they also fancy me. I put it down to finding people who don't fancy me distinctly unattractive. AIBU - is it all in my head? - or is this a reasonable assumption? Just me......?!???

YABU.

I'm not sure that strategy worked particularly well for Harvey Weinstein, or his alleged victims.

Babycham1979 I'm not certain he cared.

You are being both unreasonable, naive and unrealistic. There has to be a mutual attraction. Just because you fancy someone doesn't automatically mean that they fancy you. How old are you?

How presumptuous of you

Well, it's a nice idea in practice but apparently David Tennant hasn't got the memo.

So, no. This isn't a given and not sure why you'd think it would be.

Do you fancy everyone who might fancy you?

Doesn't necessarily work like that, unfortunately!

I admire your confidence, OP

Doesn't work like that- thank God!!

I've had plenty of people fancy me whom I didn't like back and vice versa.

Just you!

I wish it were true though, there's loads of men that I wished fancied me prior to meeting my husband!

Why would you assume that?
I wish it worked like that! Id have myself a jake gyllenhaal 😍

Op, I think I understand what you mean...

I feel like I'm the same, but my confidence is fairly low, so it's almost like I don't let myself fancy someone (for fear of rejection) until I feel like they fancy me, if that makes sense?!

I'm the opposite. Can only fancy someone who clearly doesn't fancy me. Someone who fancies me becomes unattractive to me.

Yeah I get you, it's not being conceited, it's about picking up on their attraction for you. I'm bi and I've sometimes fancied women who appear to be straight (because I don't know them well / they have male partners) but they've also turned out to be bi - it's a similar thing I think. A lot of our processing takes place at an unconscious level.

IPerhaps you fancy them BECAUSE they fancy you and you’re picking up on that.

Hehe - I suppose what I suspect is that if I get to the point of fancying someone a bit, there may have been some unconscious or otherwise- not flirtation exactly- but perhaps a vibe of some sort. Neither a sexual botherer nor a naive maiden. Perhaps just an odd sort of optimism.

I’m the same, OP

I think it’s because when I’ve ‘fancied’ someone, it’s based on more than ‘Oh, they’re fit’. I wouldn’t assume that they reciprocate this. But for me, ‘fancying’ involves a connection, the ‘look’ in their eyes, the excuses to touch etc. At that point, I’ve never been wrong about the reciprocal feeling.

Yabu, unfortunately it doesn’t work like that

You might think his a sex god but he might look at you and think meh she’s ok

Cross post! We’re talking on the same level!

I think you are mistaking fancying someone for chemistry. If you fancy someone, they really don't necessarily fancy you. If you have chemistry with someone then quite likely they fancy you too. There's a distinction between the two.

I wish that was my experience !!
:-/

Surely if this was true Tom Hardy would be beating a path to my door as we speak...

"If you have chemistry with someone then quite likely they fancy you too. "

Yes, but someone can think there's chemistry when the other person hasn't felt it at all. It's not something you can measure objectively.