To leave the cheap, familiar north for expensive, scary London?

[RedPandaMama]

Am I mad?

DP is 27 and a civil servant, I'm 21 and currently on maternity allowance with no job to go back to, but have a degree and experience in retail, sales, hospitality and admin so surely could get something. We have a 4 month old DD.

He currently works in Manchester and we live in the north west, though he's originally from near Luton. Currently renting a 2 bed terrace in an area we don't like and don't plan to stay in more than 2 years. Plan was to rent (only £575pcm) and save like mad for the 2 years and we would then have a 15% deposit for a nice 3-4 bed semi in a reasonably nice small village about an hour out of Manchester.

However I'm getting cold feet about the north. I've lived here my entire life, went to uni here as well. I'm bored of it. But it is cheap, and my family live here.

His family are near London & Bristol. I love the idea of moving to London and so does he. We've looked at Crystal Palace as a possible area. He'd get a 5k salary bump but our rent cost would almost triple and childcare for DD would be 20% more expensive. Commute costs would actually be about £1000 a year less.

It's London. Amazing and different opportunities for me, new area, new people, a fresh start - I'd love all that. And he'd love to do it to. Free museums and things to see. BUT we would have to forget all ideas of buying a house for the foreseeable future and rent.

I think - we're young, we can afford to live moderately comfortably provided I find a job, loads of opportunities for DD and close to his family (who are much more supportive and lovely than mine!)

Are we mad? Would you do it?

You're young. Crystal Palace is a great area: pretty much a London Village in its own right but commutable into all the other areas of London.

If you can afford the move, you really have nothing to lose because if you do it for a few years, you can then move anywhere else.

If you can afford to buy, that would make really good sense because you will probably make money in the move in relative terms because of the house price differential.

Things only become more 'concrete' (as in 'we have to stick with this location') as you approach secondary schooling - and you are a way off that.

I think you should do it. I moved to London on my own at 23 and really enjoyed it. If you're renting you have nothing to lose and now is the best time to do something adventurous while you have no ties to a house or children. Also it's fairly easy to find work in London, particularly at your age and if you're open to different things.

@deptford

Unless I’m misreading I think the op has at least one child as she’s currently on maternity.

The thing is, you're 21 and you don't really know what sort of location really suits you yet. And you never will know unless you give different places a whirl. Living in a place is as much a relationship as being with a person. Some people settle down with the person they met at 16, and it all works out great. Others of us have to kiss a few frogs on the way - and by doing, find out a little about what we like, what we don't like; about ourselves, in short - before we commit and settle down.

Choosing somewhere to live is a bit like that. Some people know what they like from the off, some people are too timorous to find out, so settle for what they know, some people don;t have an opportunity to experiment, some people never find it (because life is finite), some people are born wanderers and like little bits of everywhere. But, generally, if you have the opportunity to explore, it's probably worth exploring.

Unless you can find a well-paid job then I'd say no. It's just too expensive (think £1,400 on rent alone for a two bed in CP or at least £1,100 for a two bed in a crap hole area in zones 4 - 6). If you do make the move and you end up being a SAHM then think about the possible physical cost and stress of him being a London commuter.

Bristol is great, as PP have said. Not cheap but a hell of a lot cheaper than London. As your own family aren't the best, I think being close to his at this stage in your lives would be really beneficial for everyone involved.

London is a great place to visit but i wouldn't want to live there again!

Don’t come to London renting with kids. You’ve no hope of buying so it offers no stability for kids with school catchments etc if you get priced out an area you’ve called Home. Long term rentals are few and far between so there’s a lot of selling up by landlords when your settled.
It’s depressing and shit.

Not sure on the Bristol rental market but I’d imagine you’d stand more chance of moving out slightly but buying than there is in London?

Oh I’m not even London I’m much further out than Crystal Palace but still suffer the London affect

Don’t come to London renting with kids

This is definitely the point imo. Rents are bonkers in London and they can go up rapidly.

London is awesome if you have some stability, but I just don’t think you have that when you’re renting privately.

It doesn’t matter so much when you don’t have children. London is so much fun when it’s just you and you don’t mind where you live, can take any job without worrying about childcare etc.

I think some of the other posters have made some good points re other cities. Only because you have a DC.

I was born & raised in Clapham, DH in CP. We are in Wandsworth & have a small house. If we decide to move we will go to another city, I hate the idea of the home counties with DH commuting all the time.

@popcorn

Slight derail, but I wish we could do the same; move to a cheaper city instead of Home Counties - I really think it’s the worst of both worlds here for me, (others might love it). It’s so expensive but lacking in all the fun stuff you can access in a big city. We can’t bloody leave due to dh job in city FFS .

Job opportunities also rubbish here, unless you’re prepared for a mammoth commute. Sorry, I’m a big tale of Home Counties woe today !

London is a wonderful place to have children, but obviously the cost of living is a constant cause of worry for some people.

That said, well-paid jobs are easy to come by. For example, the receptionists at my office are all on £30k+ and get a degree of flexibility over their hours. PAs can start on £30k and ultimately earn double that within 10 years
Professional graduate jobs are another league...

My brother and his wife are both relatively low earners by London standards but have bought a flat in Woolwich which is an easy commute into their works, has decent (but not outstanding desirable) schools and functional (but not chi-chi) shops
They share a nanny with a local family and it works out cheaper than nursery but they'll be using a nursery when the free hours kick in

They love it there, and have a great bunch of friends so most of their socialising is done at peoples houses or picnics in parks rather than going out to pubs and restaurants

North London / Home Counties here. 2 DC now teens. I made the most of all the free stuff you get in London. DC love living where we live. They live the freedom the tube network gives them.
Crystal Palace is very expensive. Given your dh had family in Luton I would look along the Thames link you could rent something for more like £800 than spending £1500. Then when you go back to work although DC will be in nursery you should have some form of support if anything goes wrong.

Moved to London from the NW at 21 and have never looked back.

As someone said upthread you if you hate it you can always move.

FWIW my family were totally against London. Said people would take advantage of me and I would end up either raped or murdered.

Needless to say I am still here and am still in one piece

Oh totally misread!!

If you don't do it, you'll always wonder what if... You're young and have a good support network, I would do it.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag
Is it because of DHs salary or industry? Based of some of our research salaries are not too bad & the savings on transport/mortgage means a better quality of life. One friend just gone off to Birmingham (finance) & one to Bristol so it will be interesting to see how they find it.

Can i ask why your not happy where you are? Im not sure why I’m so against the HCs.

@popcorn

It’s mainly that he doesn’t want to leave the company he works for. It’s one of the industry leaders and if we moved elsewhere, he’d have to work for a smaller company with fewer opportunities for promotion etc. They have offices in a few other places, but their biggest office is west London. He also has a final salary pension with this company and I don’t know what would happen to that if he moved. I know that’s a factor for him too.

I don’t like it so much here, as I find where we live a bit of an in-between place, when you have the sort of income we have, (definitely not mega bucks, but managing). If we had the money for a massive country pile, that would probably be lovely, even without the amenities London and other cities provide. But, as it is, we’re near the centre of a rural town with not much going on. We have loads of pubs and restaurants but they are almost all chains, so it can feel a little soulless despite the lovely Tudor buildings etc. There just isn’t much to do out of the house here and our house isn’t all that spacious, which is what makes it the worst of both worlds for me.

On the upside, we’re close to countryside, but then a lot of cities can boast that too AND they often have much nicer, bigger parks in them too. It is safe here and there are good schools, so it’s not all bad.

Your right, progression is an issue as there is less jobs at the top. I was thinking there might be more growth what with companies expanding operations outside of London & more & more people relocating.

Don’t get me wrong, I love London & all it has to offer but having my mum around the corner is a lifesaver & we are lucky with the primary schools. It is expensive though & if we had family elsewhere we would move.

Final salary pension is rare so he needs to hang onto that!

Totally see your point about your area. I’m not entirely sure I’d be happy with the massive country pile, I’d be scared of the dark etc. Would love offstreet parking though.

It’s a tough one, the friends who have gone to Birmingham have a lovely large house in Moseley (spelling?) & short commutes. To stay where we are for the same we need another mill, which obvs don’t have.

Do it. Now is the precise time on your life for taking a chance like this. Don’t let it be som thing you regret and if worst comes to the worst then move out after 12/18 months but at least you’ll never agonise over the ‘what ifs’...

Without DC I'd have said go for it. With a child, it seems batshit to move to somewhere really expensive, with your own relatively limited earning potential (could you afford to work?) and nowhere near any support network. It seems you'd get all the downsides of London and not many of the positives.

What grade is your DP? There will be more opportunities for promotion in London but unless he’s at least an SEO with promotion prospects to 7 or above I think your cost of living increases won’t be worth the salary uplift. You could probably have a nicer quality of life where you are. London is fun when your young but you’d feel the difference in living costs.

I agree renting is difficult with schools etc, though many have to do it. I think though with such a young baby you could plan to 'do' London for a set time. Just be aware though that if you end up wanting to stay long term you'll be in for a world of difficulty. Trust me, I'm in it!