Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help, how do I handle this?

61 replies

Higlyhighly · 28/12/2017 15:02

Abit of back story or else this won't make sense.

My best friend and I have been best friends since we were 4, we are now 29. We fell out 5 years ago really badly because she moved away to France.

All was good for the first year, we kept in contact via emailing. She then wanted me to visit her, twice a year or so. My DH and I have never had a lot of money, we have minimum wage jobs and always holiday in this country. When I worked out how much it would cost me, with parking at the airport, flight cost, taxi the other end and money to spend whilst I was out there the cost was getting on for £250 which we just couldn't afford at the time and I explained this to her.

The year we fell out was when my mum and dad paid for flights to Spain for me and my DH to have one of those Sun Holidays, so the accommodation was like £40 for a week just so we could go abroad one year. My friend hit the roof when she found out and said I was selfish for not visiting her when we said we couldn't afford it. We fell it massively over it, a lot of hurtful things were said from both sides and 20 odd years of friends was gone.

We haven't spoken in 5 years. She's back for Christmas currently and she messaged to say she would like to come over this evening and see me. I now have two DC's so I said it will have to be at my house and she said that's fine.

I've agreed to it but I'm fucking bricking it. I'm nervous and I don't know how this is going to go. How do I approach it? AIBU for feeling like this?

OP posts:
CheapSausagesAndSpam · 28/12/2017 15:07

Don;t be scared. She was unreasonable. If she's mean or has a go at you, ask her to leave.

She probably wants to sort it all out.

Emigrating is hard and she was probably desperate for a visitor.x

Original poster
Higlyhighly · 28/12/2017 15:09

I hope she isn't mean because I will have my two DC's here and that wouldn't be fair on them in their own home.

I understand she was desperate for me to visit but we genuinely couldn't afford it at the time Sad

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 28/12/2017 15:10

Well, the worst that can happen is that she has another massive go at you and you're in the same place you are now.

Hopefully she wants to come because enough time has passed for her/you to feel differently, and you could re-start the friendship again???

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Will there be any other adults around?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 28/12/2017 15:10

sorry, x post.

redexpat · 28/12/2017 15:10

Well she surely wont have some all that way for a fight will she? It is hurtful when people say they cant afford to do x sith you but then have the money to do y with someone else. Was she aware that your mum paid for the flights? I would also say that you really find out who your friends are when you move abroad. You could approach it by saying im sorry for the unecessary and hurtful things I said back then. I think the fact that you costed it in such detail shows that you really did want to go. Does she understand how tight things were for you? Lots of people say theyre broke without really meaning it. She might have been looking forward to hosting you and others and been disappointed with several people and taken it out on you.

Original poster
Higlyhighly · 28/12/2017 15:12

No other adults, my DH is at work till 10pm.

I just think it's going to be massively awkward! We haven't spoken in 5 years, we were so close more like sisters. It almost feels like she died, I grieved over it and now she's been resurrected! The feeling is weird

OP posts:
Original poster
Higlyhighly · 28/12/2017 15:15

red yes she was aware that my parents paid for the flights but said they should have paid for me and my DH to visit her. I don't think she initially knew how broke we were but when We had the arguement I laid it all bare and told her exactly how broke we were but it fell on deaf ears. I had my hen party in France just so she could be there but she didn't see that as me trying.

OP posts:
KiteMarked · 28/12/2017 15:16

I hope the conversation goes well.

FannyWisdom · 28/12/2017 15:16

She hasn't come this far for a row, it'll be ok.

If it's stilted be ready with something neutral. Good luck lass Grin

Original poster
Higlyhighly · 28/12/2017 15:17

Thankyou! I'm hoping my two DC's will break the ice if there is an awkward silence 😕

OP posts:
princesssparkle1 · 28/12/2017 15:21

Please enjoy seeing her again. A renewed friendship is a wonderful thing 😊

Lizzie48 · 28/12/2017 15:22

I suspect she wants to offer you an olive branch, it's unlikely she's arranged it in order to have round 2. Hope it works out and you're both able to start again. You were close for a very long time.

Do let us know how it goes, OP. Thanks

SignoraStronza · 28/12/2017 15:25

Hope all goes well op. Let's hope she's offering an olive branch.

Ketzele · 28/12/2017 15:26

Good luck, OP. Hopefully you will end the evening having regained a good friend.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/12/2017 15:26

Wow she was massively unreasonable. I’ve lives abroad and know all about people visiting/not visiting. She chose to move, not you.

MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2017 15:28

I'd say it sounds like an olive branch. Keep us posted.

HeadSpin5 · 28/12/2017 15:28

Good luck!

Xmaspuddingdisaster · 28/12/2017 15:29

Get some wine in and good luck

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/12/2017 15:33

If she didn't want to make up with you she wouldn't have contacted you at all to suggest it. That's positive, isn't it?

It may be that you'll find you've outgrown each other now but at least you will be able to smile and say 'goodbye' without animosity - or you'll be best buddies all over again, but...

Wait and see, it will be fine whatever the outcome. :)

savagehk · 28/12/2017 15:34

What's the worst that can happen? If she's unreasonable, you ask her to leave. The relationship is already broken, so hopefully it can only improve from here. Good luck!

LemonysSnicket · 28/12/2017 15:34

Why couldn’t she come visit you?

wanderlust99 · 28/12/2017 15:38

OP she sounds very self centred so personally I would be polite and civil but wouldn't be overly apologetic. She behaved badly and for me the friendship as it was is water under the bridge.

lalalonglegs · 28/12/2017 15:41

I think the fact that she has asked to come to visit you means that she will not want to create an atmosphere. It sounds as if she is hoping that you can be friends again and is extending the olive branch, so I would just make her welcome and, if you can afford it, get in some nice things to eat and drink to send a sign that you value her too.

PieAndPumpkins · 28/12/2017 15:41

Ah good luck. You've likely both grown up and changed a lot in five years. Just see how it goes, nothing lost right?

Gemini69 · 28/12/2017 15:45

Good luck with your friend but I'm sorry she's a brass necked Cheeky Cow... Xmas Hmm

If she starts down the path of seeking an apology from you.. explain your Finances to NOBODY.... Show her the Door.... Xmas Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread