Is this a CF Xmas present?

[Quiettiger]

I'm not quite sure how to deal with this, but I'm sure the vipers of MN can advise (and help). In the grand scheme of things, it's a first world problem, but anyway...

About 6 years ago, I was heavily railroaded into loaning a old book to DH's cousin (A) by DMIL. It had sentimental value as it belonged to my own DM as a child, it is at least 60 years old and I was very clear that I wanted it looked after and I wanted it back. I never as a rule lend books, but I was backed into a corner at the time. Anyway...

After about 6 months I asked for the book back and was told it had "been lost". I wasn't very happy about it, but had to let it go as I'd loaned the book and that's the risk you take. "A" showed no remorse, nor gave an apology for losing it and when I commented on it to DMIL and told her how upset I was that the book had been lost, she told me basically it was "tough shit" and that I'd been stupid to loan it in the first place. DH was very angry about it on my behalf. We duly moved on and I harboured a major grudge I dealt with it in an adult way.

So fast forward a few years and I have my own DD. I'm still upset about the book because I valued it myself as a child and I would have liked to pass it on to my own DD. I ask DH's cousin if there is any chance she may still have the book despite it being lost and she says no, as she charity shopped a pile of old books and that it was probably in the job lot. Still no apology.

On Christmas eve, "A" turns up out of the blue to say "Happy Christmas" with a gift for DD. I'm a bit about this as DH hasn't heard from her for about 18 months, let alone ever had Xmas cards or gifts from her before, but in the spirit of Xmas I'm polite.

DD opens her gift, and it's only the bloody book that had been lost! I wasn't impressed, but thanked her for her "gift" and remained polite. I wanted to punch her in the face but I am irrationally angry at her giving my book to 3 year old DD with out giving it back to me or acknowledging she's had it for 6 years.

I know IBU about being angry, because I have the book back at least. Some of the anger is probably because there is bad blood between "A" and I because of other very extensive back story relating to DH and his family, so I may not be looking at this particularly rationally...

But I think "A" was being a complete CF giving a gift like that to DD instead of just giving me the book back and apologising. DH thinks she was trying to "be nice" and give DD a gift for Xmas.

AIBU to be annoyed?

‘You’ve found it’ would have been out of my mouth before I’d had a chance to think about an appropriate response.

Please please let A respond. I love it when a CF gets caught out!

Shifty Ops issue isn't with her mil though really is it?

Shifty - the issue was not with my MIL, although she offered the loan of my book and I was annoyed with her about it.

The issue was (and is) with DH's cousin "A" who had absolutely no qualms in "losing" the book for 6 years, not giving a shit about it when she was asked to look after it and losing it, her failure to apologise and then gifting it to my DD as a Xmas present. If she had borrowed the book and returned it in a timely manner with a thank you, I'd have said nothing and carried on with my life not giving it a second thought.

The fact she didn't and as I said in my OP, I don't like "A" anyway because of other issues, I accept that clouds my judgement towards her and I harbour a grudge.

I consider it part of a long line of other transgressions that I won't forgive her (A) for either, because quite frankly I consider her a nutjob and her behaviour is not acceptable. I suspect she feels equally the same towards me. It's something I can happily live with because we're mostly NC.

Yup. Understood. Issue wasn’t MIL. But she was still part of your OP and you still blame her. Then you drip feed she’s dead. I think it’s bizarre you still have a grudge against the dead woman instead of simply admitting you lacked the balls to say no politely in the first place.

Crikey, Shifty, let it go. You are way over invested in the MIL.

I too would have been terribly upset by A losing the book and failing to care or take responsibility.
But she sounds like a very strange individual.

As she clearly didn't understand the significance of losing the book, it is not at all surprising that she wouldn't understand that gifting to your daughter was bizarre behaviour.

But I don't understand why you and others posters are saying they would feel violent toward A at the book being returned .

If A was such a complete C.F. she would have kept the book.If that had been the case and you had gone to A's house and seen your precious book on her shelf I would understand more.

She's odd, but clearly she wanted the book to get back to where it belonged.