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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a CF Xmas present?

81 replies

Quiettiger · 27/12/2017 19:03

I'm not quite sure how to deal with this, but I'm sure the vipers of MN can advise (and help). In the grand scheme of things, it's a first world problem, but anyway...

About 6 years ago, I was heavily railroaded into loaning a old book to DH's cousin (A) by DMIL. It had sentimental value as it belonged to my own DM as a child, it is at least 60 years old and I was very clear that I wanted it looked after and I wanted it back. I never as a rule lend books, but I was backed into a corner at the time. Anyway...

After about 6 months I asked for the book back and was told it had "been lost". I wasn't very happy about it, but had to let it go as I'd loaned the book and that's the risk you take. "A" showed no remorse, nor gave an apology for losing it and when I commented on it to DMIL and told her how upset I was that the book had been lost, she told me basically it was "tough shit" and that I'd been stupid to loan it in the first place. Hmm DH was very angry about it on my behalf. We duly moved on and I harboured a major grudge I dealt with it in an adult way.

So fast forward a few years and I have my own DD. I'm still upset about the book because I valued it myself as a child and I would have liked to pass it on to my own DD. I ask DH's cousin if there is any chance she may still have the book despite it being lost and she says no, as she charity shopped a pile of old books and that it was probably in the job lot. Still no apology.

On Christmas eve, "A" turns up out of the blue to say "Happy Christmas" with a gift for DD. I'm a bit Hmm about this as DH hasn't heard from her for about 18 months, let alone ever had Xmas cards or gifts from her before, but in the spirit of Xmas I'm polite.

DD opens her gift, and it's only the bloody book that had been lost! I wasn't impressed, but thanked her for her "gift" and remained polite. I wanted to punch her in the face but I am irrationally angry at her giving my book to 3 year old DD with out giving it back to me or acknowledging she's had it for 6 years.

I know IBU about being angry, because I have the book back at least. Some of the anger is probably because there is bad blood between "A" and I because of other very extensive back story relating to DH and his family, so I may not be looking at this particularly rationally...

But I think "A" was being a complete CF giving a gift like that to DD instead of just giving me the book back and apologising. DH thinks she was trying to "be nice" and give DD a gift for Xmas.

AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
Cleanermaidcook · 27/12/2017 21:08

I suspect they sold it but cant prove it, it was years ago though not long after they first came out so wasn't worth as much then :(
I did try countless times to get to the bottom of it to no avail. Eventually decided it was a lesson never to loan books ever again.

ToastyFingers · 27/12/2017 22:43

Explain to your DD that auntie stole the book from you, and so it was never hers to give. Offer to swap it with her, for whater sort of toy she's into and a bag of haribo.
Dd is happy, you have your book back, and you know never to trust SIL again.

CurryWorst · 28/12/2017 11:19

I would have words with MIL.......Don't think that is going to help matters now is it?

Well no, what with her being dead and all.

MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2017 11:37

Missed the bit about MIL's funeral. I would not communicate with CF again.

ATeardropExplodes · 28/12/2017 11:42

Well no, what with her being dead and all

Yes that was my point.

MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2017 13:36

Have you not heard of crossposting Teardrop?

Maelstrop · 28/12/2017 13:40

I’d be crazy cross. I’m still holding a grudge against a colleague who borrowed my favourite book years ago then claimed she didn’t have it. I’m very precious about my favourite books and refuse to lend them out anymore. I’ve got about 4 that don’t leave the house.

Original poster
Quiettiger · 28/12/2017 14:52

There's been an update to this! I'm genuinely Shock at the cheeky fuckery! "A" texted DH to see if our DD liked her gift because I didn't seem pleased. No shit sherlock and was a bit "off" with her apparently. Hmm

He sent a text back basically saying "what the fuck did you expect, you gave Quiettiger's precious book to DD, after keeping it for 6 years, you're lucky she was polite!"

"A" hasn't responded.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 28/12/2017 14:56

Bravo! What a diamond of a DH you have Quiet

GlitteryFluff · 28/12/2017 15:00

Well done to your DH!

MillennialFalcon · 28/12/2017 15:01

I'm glad your DH is sticking up for you. I wouldn't want anything to do with his relative again.

Gemini69 · 28/12/2017 15:59

hahahaaaa I like your Husband OP lol brilliant Xmas Grin

Mooey89 · 28/12/2017 16:11

Well done DH!

She’s a prick!

Original poster
Quiettiger · 28/12/2017 16:23

Yes, DH is a keeper. He's usually quiet and polite, but he knew how upset I was over the book. Even he was surprised I was so calm about it to A.

OP posts:
ShiftyMcGifty · 28/12/2017 16:26

“DMIL's coffin as it came out of the hearse at MIL's funeral last year.”

Bloody hell, that’s some drip feed Confused

Knittedfairies · 28/12/2017 16:31

The fact that your DH is usually 'quiet and polite' makes his response even more....delicious. 👏👏👏

DeepanKrispanEven · 28/12/2017 16:36

I don't think people realise how surprisingly valuable old books can be. I was amazed when I discovered that what I thought of as a fairly run of the mill old book on my shelves was worth well over £100. I wonder whether your MiL would have been quite so keen to lend it if she had realised your book might have that sort of value?

MyOtherProfile · 28/12/2017 16:58

Wow go DH! Wonder if she will reply.

Original poster
Quiettiger · 28/12/2017 16:58

ShiftyMcGifty - I didn't mention it in my OP because it wasn't relevant to the book. The woman is bonkers.

I could drip feed with all sorts of weird and inappropriate things she's done to us over the time I've known DH.

Weeping and wailing on DMIL's coffin is the least of it. She's a nutter. Grin

OP posts:
ShiftyMcGifty · 29/12/2017 16:30

But you did mention your MIL in your OP and in fact you downright blamed her into “heavily railroading” you into loaning it to the cousin
as well as blaming you for being stupid enough to lend it out and oh yes, “tough shit” when you sought sympathy from her.

That’s important and relevant but her being dead isn’t. Christ, talk about holding grudges.

TheDoorMat · 29/12/2017 18:00

I can relate to your story and it makes my blood boil
I had the same, I used to be heavily into photography (college/Uni) BIL would visit every weekend, every weekend he would ask to "play" with camera stuff!! One lens (£700 quids worth) was one he always messed around with, I rarely if ever used it. He wanted to buy it, But I didn't want to sell. Over the course of a year he pestered, in the end I gave up and said I would sell only on the condition he never sold it on, except back to me. Then he didn't have enough money!! Would I take a crap lens as PX? again only if he promised never to sell on, I would store the lens and the money in a box and give it back when the novelty wore off. He took my lens that night, and returned with the crap lens as PX but no money!!, the weeks turned to months but still no money, eventually I told his wife (my sister) she was furious and demanded he paid the very next day. Next day I got the money. 2 days later I saw his father taking pictures using the lens, I commented it was superb quality, he replied yes, he knew..he'd just bought it off his son 2 days previous!! Enraged I confronted BiL who found it all amusing adding that his dad would get bored soon and probably loan it out indefinitely back to him.
That's when I realised what a TWAT he was and that eventually I would get my revenge.

Sorry for the hijack, But as I said at the beginning I can fully relate to how you must feel.

...and yes, BIL card is still marked, but its over 5yrs since I've met the SOB and since then he's screwed my parent too!!

Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 18:10

Shifty, that's a bit OTT Confused. OP obviously still cared about her MIL despite this incident.

My mum has given away some of my things, and then given me cash for them. I was so annoyed but I still love her.

Cantuccit · 29/12/2017 18:11

DoorMat, i love that you're still waiting for revenge after 5 years Grin i hooe you get it,

BluebellTheDonkey · 29/12/2017 18:18

LadyB49 CF = cheeky fucker

ShiftyMcGifty · 29/12/2017 19:59

Cantuccit, I think you missed my point spectacularly. I said not mentioning the MIL was dead until much later was a massive drip feed. OP thinks not and feels all those ill feelings are perfectly relevant but not mentioning the person has been deceased for a year isn’t.

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