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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another MIL one (sorry) - photo book

57 replies

PhotoFauxPas · 26/12/2017 22:01

Name changed for this one

MIL makes a photo book every year as a Christmas gift. This goes to DH, his siblings and (I think) a number of elderly relatives that we don't see often. This year, amongst many many photographs on many many pages there are 2 (admittedly quite small) full frontal nude pics of my pre-school age DC. One in the bath, the other in our house while they were playing dress up. I took both of these photos and sent them to DH family whatsapp group. They are both quite funny/cute IMO which is why I sent them.

I felt sick when I came across them in the book. I don't feel at all comfortable with this. I know its overwhelmingly likely that these books don't get much attention from their recipients but I just feel really uncomfortable with people I don't know looking at pics of my naked DC.

DH doesn't respond well to criticism of his family. He says he is ok with these photos being in the book. I'm now questioning whether I am over-reacting. For background, in last year's book there were pics of all the grandchildren (including my DC) standing up in the bath where bare bottoms were visible beneath some bubbles. I didn't feel great about this but didn't say anything.

I haven't contacted MIL yet as didn't want to kick up a fuss on xmas day/boxing day.

I'm just wanting to gauge how others would feel about this so I can work out how to approach it with MIL? What I really want to do is ask her to try to remove these pages from all the books she has given out but I suspect this is a massive over reaction.

I wonder whether it is worth mentioning it at all or whether I can just prevent this happening again by not sending naked pics in future. Is this all my fault in the first place?

WWYD?

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 26/12/2017 22:03

I would just not send naked pics of them.

KindergartenKop · 26/12/2017 22:04

It's not your fault btw, people have different views on this stuff and mil can't come read your mind, she just thinks your kids are gorgeous.

HeebieJeebies456 · 26/12/2017 22:05

i don't think it was acceptable for you to Whatsapp/send frontal nude pics of your dc to anyone/anywhere in the first place Hmm

You shared them 'publicly' amongst the family, you already know this is where she sources her photos from for her annual photobook - so it was up to you to be careful about what you shared, or at least tell her not to use them elsewhere once you'd sent them.

Iloveanimals · 26/12/2017 22:05

Yh I wouldnt have sent them in the first place.

Redken24 · 26/12/2017 22:06

Wouldn't have sent them but not a lot you can do now.

KC225 · 26/12/2017 22:07

You have already distributed the photographs by sending them to family what's app group. She probabaly thinks it's.ok as you did it first. As the above poster said, you need to stop posting photographs that you don't feel comfortable being 'out there'

Yukbuck · 26/12/2017 22:07

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I guess it's one of those things with split opinions. I bet your MIL assumes you have no issue with it since YOU sent the photos to a group message!

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 26/12/2017 22:08

Don't send naked or semi-naked pictures!! Why are you sharing those?!

Supermagicsmile · 26/12/2017 22:08

I agree with the above. They shouldn't have been shared been shared in the first place imo as there was no gunarentee this sort of thing could happen. If someone shared pictures with me in a family what's app group or similar I would assume they were happy for me to use in a family photo book!

KatnissMellark · 26/12/2017 22:09

I would tread very carefully here. You sent the photos and presumably didn't specify they were not to be shared. Accusing your MIL of not being careful enough re DC safety/privacy and raising the possibility that those people she's shared the photos with would misuse them will be VERY emotive. Your DH is not onside. Ultimately you should think about what outcome you want (no further naked photos to be shared/reproduced I presume?) and how you can achieve that, with minimal fall out. Another vote here for just don't share any more nudey photos...

PeonyBucket · 26/12/2017 22:09

I wouldn't be pleased about it, but I wouldn't have sent the pictures in the first place. I wouldn't say anything, just don't send any more pics.

Caulk · 26/12/2017 22:09

I’m confused why you would take photos of naked children and share them with other people. Maybe familiarise yourself with the pants campaign on NSPCC so you can help your children deal with online safety as teenagers

Original poster
PhotoFauxPas · 26/12/2017 22:09

I'm not sure whether it makes any difference but the members of the whatsapp group are DH, PIL and SIL. Photo book goes to more people than that.

OP posts:
Tipsntoes · 26/12/2017 22:10

I wouldn't worry about it. I don;t think you can complain about MIL sending the pictures to family, when you'd already done that.

What is it that concerns you about the printed photos v the family group?

Smurfy23 · 26/12/2017 22:10

I would have felt a bit uneasy about it too tbh but not really much you can do.

You now know what could happen so just make sure any photos you send out in the future are ones you would be happy to see in the photobook

Quartz2208 · 26/12/2017 22:10

Stop sharing I would see sending them to what’s app as giving consent for the photo books you know she does

Nocabbageinmyeye · 26/12/2017 22:10

I can't believe you even really sent the photos in the first place, and I don't mean that in a crazy beware of the paedophile way, I mean why would you send on naked photos?

Anyway, you sent them on and by that she took it as you being OK with them being seen and put them in the book. I would say nothing but a little cop on in future and don't send naked photos of your kids to anyone. Sorry but I think the blame on this one lies at your feet.

Out of interest how many people are in that what's app group?

PurplePotatoes · 26/12/2017 22:11

Agree with the other posters I'm afraid, i think she probably thought that seen as you had already circulated them to family that they were fine to use for wider family.

Original poster
PhotoFauxPas · 26/12/2017 22:12

BTW I do get the point about sending pics to the whatsapp group and I won't be doing that again

OP posts:
Original poster
PhotoFauxPas · 26/12/2017 22:16

The concern I have with not saying anything is that I didn't take last year's bath photos. They were taken either by MIL or SIL so not sending pics isn't necessarily going to end the problem. When we stay with PIL all the grandchildren jump in the bath together and if I want to stop them taking photos I would surely have to explain why.

OP posts:
NotEnoughCushions · 26/12/2017 22:16

I'm sorry but I think it's a lesson learned about not sharing any pictures electronically that you wouldn't want to be passed on. Once you forward/share them you have no control on what they might be used for.

In this case my guess is that they will be put in a bottom of a drawer and no damage done but I would always think really carefully before sharing naked pics of my children.

overmydeadbody · 26/12/2017 22:18

I agree with the others, you shouldn't have sent them in the first place

Mrsmadevans · 26/12/2017 22:19

You sent them in the first place and it is not unreasonable for your MIL to think nothing of putting them in the book .

ReanimatedSGB · 26/12/2017 22:21

I think you really, really need to get over yourself. Family photos of preschoolers without clothes are lovely and loads of people take them. It's such a shame that people think there is anything wrong with small children not wearing clothes. Unless there is a huge back story of there being a known unsafe individual in your family group, there is really nothing to fuss about here.

kaytee87 · 26/12/2017 22:21

I wouldn't like it but I wouldn't send naked pictures of my ds to people. If we do take a cute bath picture we put a smiley face over his private parts or crop his bottom half out.