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Original poster

Another MIL one (sorry) - photo book

57 replies

PhotoFauxPas · 26/12/2017 22:01

Name changed for this one

MIL makes a photo book every year as a Christmas gift. This goes to DH, his siblings and (I think) a number of elderly relatives that we don't see often. This year, amongst many many photographs on many many pages there are 2 (admittedly quite small) full frontal nude pics of my pre-school age DC. One in the bath, the other in our house while they were playing dress up. I took both of these photos and sent them to DH family whatsapp group. They are both quite funny/cute IMO which is why I sent them.

I felt sick when I came across them in the book. I don't feel at all comfortable with this. I know its overwhelmingly likely that these books don't get much attention from their recipients but I just feel really uncomfortable with people I don't know looking at pics of my naked DC.

DH doesn't respond well to criticism of his family. He says he is ok with these photos being in the book. I'm now questioning whether I am over-reacting. For background, in last year's book there were pics of all the grandchildren (including my DC) standing up in the bath where bare bottoms were visible beneath some bubbles. I didn't feel great about this but didn't say anything.

I haven't contacted MIL yet as didn't want to kick up a fuss on xmas day/boxing day.

I'm just wanting to gauge how others would feel about this so I can work out how to approach it with MIL? What I really want to do is ask her to try to remove these pages from all the books she has given out but I suspect this is a massive over reaction.

I wonder whether it is worth mentioning it at all or whether I can just prevent this happening again by not sending naked pics in future. Is this all my fault in the first place?

WWYD?

OP posts:
RicottaPancakes · 26/12/2017 22:22

I'd be more worried about the whatsapp photos. I know it's a closed groups, but they are still "out there" , at least the albums are most likely to just sit in someone's drawer.

StripySocks1 · 26/12/2017 22:23

I agree with previous comments, if you don’t want them to print them then don’t give them the photos in the first place, your PIL are from a different generation where it was fine to have those kind of photos in an album.

When I’m sharing photos of my dd I always think about whether I’d want it shared if it was me, so no nude photos at all, no photos of her crying or having a tantrum etc.

Straycatblue · 26/12/2017 22:25

So there are some photos of your children naked in a few family photo albums that you yourself have shared online and the photo albums are all going to your relatives who you have met albeit you dont know them very well.

What exactly are you concerned about , do you fear the family members are going to scan the pictures of your children and sell them to paedophiles online or photocopy them and hand them out?

Its all a bit hysterical to be honest.

Mishappening · 26/12/2017 22:26

My photobooks are full of my DC and DGC with nothing on when they were very small. They are really cute. Stop worrying and be very grateful for the photobooks - they are blooming hard work to create, believe me. Thank her for her kindness. They will be treasured possessions when your DC have flown the nest.

Nothomealone · 26/12/2017 22:27

My DM is terrible for sharing private things to all and sundry so I Have to be super careful with what I share with her. Don't share anything online that you wouldn't pin on a postcard to your front door. That is the amount of control you have once you have sent an image out there.

I wouldn't say anything now, maybe wait to Easter and then announce a new policy regarding pictures, your DC and nakedness.

Floralnomad · 26/12/2017 22:31

I think you are over reacting , you took nude photos and sent them to relatives , presumably because you thought they were nice or cute whatever and MIl has put them in a book that goes to relatives , I fail to see the issue . In future do not send out nude pictures and when they bath at relatives houses ask them not to take photos anymore . Personally I’ve never been a fan of nude pics of children in the bath .

ClareB83 · 26/12/2017 22:32

Don't ask her to take those pages out. It's an over reaction.

Do have a chat in a couple of months time about not taking/sharing/reproducing naked pics of DCs.

If during the year naked pics are taken remind MIL not to share or inc in picture book due to your 'new' policy.

Aridane · 26/12/2017 22:32

Well, if OP is going to start a new policy on nakedness, she needs first to stop sending out naked pictures of her children.

Would be a MASSIVE overreactions to asl for partial dismantling of photo book when OP whatsapped the offending pictures in the first place

MiddlingMum · 26/12/2017 22:34

This confirms my view that pictures of children should never be shared on social media in any way at all. Children cannot give consent. They may not mind when they are older, or they may be furious and hate you for it. Children's privacy does not belong to adults to spread around as they see fit.

RandomMess · 26/12/2017 22:37

I would tell MIL that now the DC are getting older you've realised that this photos aren't appropriate anymore and to a) not take them anymore and b) not put them in the photo book.

With that approach you aren't criticising what has happened but are still flagging that it needs to stop.

Original poster
PhotoFauxPas · 26/12/2017 22:38

Ok thanks all.

Like I said, I get the message re sending them to the WhatsApp group and I will not be doing so again. In my defence, this group has only a few people in it and there were 2 naked pics out of hundreds of pics sent this year. Not all these pics ended up in the book and I was surprised that the naked ones did.

It is very useful to see other people’s views on this because obviously when it’s your own DC you are often blinded by emotion.

Thanks again

OP posts:
user1499333856 · 26/12/2017 22:39

Moving forward don't send pictures like this. Problem solved.

There isn't anything you can do about the current book, so take this on the chin and learn from it.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 26/12/2017 22:41

I wouldn’t be happy but neither would DP. We wouldn’t send the pics though. You may send them to just family but you don’t know who they will then show them to.

I wouldn’t kick up a fuss if I was you as it was you who originally shared it but just be more careful with sending them in the future

Lethaldrizzle · 26/12/2017 22:41

I have no problem with the naked pictures that exist of me as a child. Even though I did not give consent!

Smurfy23 · 26/12/2017 22:42

If you didnt send them then that is different.

Maybe have a quiet word with IL's at some point (not right now) and say it made you a bit uncomfortable that someone non family would be seeing those so could they not put any similar pictures in in the future

BlackberryandNettle · 26/12/2017 22:42

If you put it on the family WhatsApp group, haven't the family all seen them already?

buttercup54321 · 26/12/2017 22:45

You shouldn't be taking and sending photos like that in the first pace so its your fault. Mil thought it was ok to share because you did it first.

Witchend · 26/12/2017 22:49

I would be much less comfortable with them going electronically, even to people I know than in a photo book.
I think as you sent them electronically then you can't really complain that they've been used, especially as it sounds like your mil does that every year.

madeyemoodysmum · 26/12/2017 22:49

I had many nude pix in albums as a child as did my peers. The older generation didn't think of them as we do now. I don't think you can blame your mil.

You sent them on social media. The buck stops with you. Sorry.

MidniteScribbler · 26/12/2017 22:49

This confirms my view that pictures of children should never be shared on social media in any way at all.

I don't actually agree with this. I see nothing wrong with putting a nice photo of your child/ren. My own personal policy is that if I would get upset at seeing a picture on a billboard, television or at a 21st birthday party, then it doesn't get posted. A nice photo of children playing, smiling at the camera, fully dressed, is not something to get concerned about.

Thirdshepherdfromtheleft · 26/12/2017 22:51

But you took the photos and you distributed them to family members? So.... Learn from your mistake and don't do that. I can't see how it's a MIL problem really.

fabulous01 · 26/12/2017 22:54

I don’t allow in laws to take photos in bathroom and I don’t send them any. People of that generation don’t really understand so I made that a rule when they were young.

Bambamber · 26/12/2017 22:58

I won't repeat what everyone else has said. I will add though that if your they're taking naked pictures while the children are with them, perhaps have a word and just ask if they mind not using naked ones for the photo books. They probably think you don't mind naked ones being shared

TimesNewRoman · 26/12/2017 22:59

I would feel the same as you OP, so it's good to see some other feedback here as you do get caught up a bit when you have young kids and feel protective.
But sending to PIL and SIL is different to photobooks lying on various relatives coffee tables.
Don't send any more and maybe drop a comment at a later date that you read some article about pics being hacked or something and that you definitely don't want bare bum pics shared in future.

StripeyDeckchair · 26/12/2017 23:20

If you don't want pictures of you're naked children in the annual photo book then don't share them with anyone.

Once you've shared them then you've lost control, any one of those people could post it openly on the internet and it could end up anywhere.

Ywbu to expect your MIL to remove it, or to say anything.

Learn from this lesson - you are the gatekeeper of photos of your children.

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