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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To begin to hate my partner of 10 years.

61 replies

Amberlight003 · 26/12/2017 21:01

Me and my partner of 10 years have done nothing but argue this Christmas. The thing is he does nothing but blame our arguments on me and sees absolutely no wrong in his actions.

1st argument, one of many where he’s been an absolute started on Christmas Eve morning. I did my daughter a Christmas Eve box. My understanding of a Christmas Eve box is to put a few things together to get her ready for santa. So I put a book, pyjamas, dvd, teddies, chocolate,and some cookie mix for Santa. In the morning I got it out of the wardrobe and said to dd to sit on the bed for her box from mummy and daddy. He stormed into the bedroom just as I got it out and said with a face like a slapped arse ‘what, you’re giving it to her in here, the elves are supposed to deliver it, what a shit idea to give it to her in here’ I said it’s not from the elves it’s from us to get her ready for xmas. He said fine ‘come on then Lillie, let’s sit on the bed and open your box that mummy got out of the wardrobe’ in a really loud, arrogant and aggressive tone. I snapped and told him to snap out of his mood now. He said ‘well you’re ruining the magic of Christmas, all because you’re jealous of Santa Claus, you’ve put some presents from us and they should all be from santa, because you can’t bear him taking the credit, it’s just weird’ All this was said with such aggression, scrunched face, arms in the air, raised voice. I said he sounds pathetic. I said I haven’t ruined any magic that it’s out of order for him to go on like this, not all presents have to be off santa and that I’m not jealous of an imaginary man. He said it’s me that’s out of order and he went back to bed and told us to go downstairs, Me and dd opened the box downstairs in the end without him there.

We argued about this for hours and I was furious that he wouldn’t apologise or see he was out of order. He point blank refused to apologise. He said it’s his opinion. I said that’s fine but it’s the way he addresses things but he wouldn’t have any of it.

At this moment I can’t stand the bloke. I actually hate his fucking guts. There’s been one thing after the other and he’s often like it, not just this Christmas. When pulled up on it he just throws it back in my face and acts like i deserve to spoken to like shit. It seems so standard to him now. How do I get him to realise that this sort of thing (e.g the Christmas Eve box saga) is not the norm in a loving relationship?

OP posts:
HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 26/12/2017 21:03

You can’t. He’s a dick.

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 26/12/2017 21:03

You deserve better

SandysMam · 26/12/2017 21:03

LTB, life’s too short.

MiniAlphaBravo · 26/12/2017 21:04

Leave him/pack his bags for him & change locks?

Mxyzptlk · 26/12/2017 21:04

Well, he's wrecked any magic for DD, hasn't he.
If he's always like that you're better off without him, imho.

ItsChristmoose · 26/12/2017 21:06

Yep ltb

Maelstrop · 26/12/2017 21:06

Why are you with him and please don’t say he’s a great dad, because no way would a good dad behave in that way. You need to think about what he brings to your life.

loveablether · 26/12/2017 21:07

I bet he didn't bother his arse doing much for the prep for Xmas? He sounds like he's got comfortable with talking to your this way? Out of order. Especially at Xmas time.

SandAndSea · 26/12/2017 21:07

So sorry you're going through this. He sounds like a right dick. Flowers

MistressDeeCee · 26/12/2017 21:08

He's a pain in the arse. In your shoes I'd think about years and years of his over-the-top joy-draining angry moods, the thought of putting up with that bullshit in my elder years, then I'd get rid of him. No man is worth misery.

Mxyzptlk · 26/12/2017 21:14

Also think about years and years of your DD seeing and hearing it, and maybe being on the receiving end of it too.

Amberlight003 · 26/12/2017 21:15

Currently in bed after 2 hours of non verbal. Bought a £10 chocolate cake with sauce in the middle for Christmas Day pudding. Went to cook it on Christmas Day, was told he didn’t want any yet can we wait until later. I said u can warm your piece up even if I cook it now. He said forget it I won’t have any. Me not wanting to waste a £10 cake on just me and a 2 year old said I’d wait until later. Never had it yesterday, decided to have it tonight. Comes out the oven, I take a quarter out and leave just over half the cake for him. He cuts into it and says there’s no sauce in it, ‘thanks a fucking bunch for taking all the sauce’ to be honest there was no sauce left in the bit he had. I said it was hardly my fault, without me sticking my fingers in the entire cake to see which bits contain sauce, I’m none the wiser. He said im a fucking liar and never admit to anything when I’m wrong. Wtf!! How would I know his bit wouldn’t have sauce inside?! Anyway he threw it straight in the bin. So the £10 cake did get completely wasted. Sick of his attitude.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 26/12/2017 21:17

Your poor DD.

Allthetuppences · 26/12/2017 21:21

Utter waste of your time. He's not civil just an argumentative dick. Sort your stuff out, call a solicitor in the morning (or book an appointment online as some are all fancy that way).
Get him to pack a bag and you can start a new year separate looking forward to your lower stress life.

Serafina111 · 26/12/2017 21:23

He sounds horrible. Please leave him

redexpat · 26/12/2017 21:24

He sounds horrid.

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 26/12/2017 21:25

Have you asked him outright why he's so angry and unhappy? If he says there's nothing wrong, then you need to ask yourself if you want to stay with someone who rants at you all the time. If he opens up and says what's wrong, it might be a starting point to improve communication between you, because it sounds dire at the moment. Sending you a hand hold either way.

Bananalanacake · 26/12/2017 21:28

It looks as though he said "shit" in front of your dd. I can't stand people who swear in front of children. Is he often aggressive to you in front of her.

babyturtles · 26/12/2017 21:28

Holy fuck, what a cunt of a man

Why are you wasting your life with this arsehole?

Chunkymonkey217 · 26/12/2017 21:30

You poor thing Sad and your DD. Seriously, you’d be better off without him. He sounds like a HUGE twat, and will most likely never change. Do you really want to be putting up with this in another 10 years? Spare yourself the emotional abuse, the guys a dick and will not change. LTfuckingB.

eatsleavesmostly · 26/12/2017 21:31

How old is your DD? Either way, you are being treated with little to no respect and this is not normal or acceptable. Relationships should not have the interactions you have described. Can you leave? Are you in a joint home?

notapizzaeater · 26/12/2017 21:32

Is he like this all year round ? Is he stressed by Xmas ? Not that they are excuses - tbh I'd be making exit plans

Rudgie47 · 26/12/2017 21:32

Theres something wrong with him, has he got depression? If he thinks he has he needs to get treatment. If he hasnt and its just him then he needs to pack his bags and go to his Mums. I'd finish it with him, because I'd end up really angry with him and its not worth it. Tell him your relationship is over. Hes a knobhead.

gamerchick · 26/12/2017 21:32

I feel really sorry for your bairn having to put up with all that.

SugarPlumLairy · 26/12/2017 21:34

Your Xmas present next year should be to spend it without that fuckwit. LTB as a New Years resolution.
Good grief sounds like he's just looking for excuses to be an arseho,e😡

As for Xmas eve boxes/jealous of Santa nonsense, WE give the presents in this household, Santa does stocking fillers. Why? Because WE are Santas helpers. I don't want DD expecting giant barbie dolls houses or something that we can't afford and getting upset that Santa thought she was bad. We told her Santa puts love in people's hearts and they, in turn, help him put presents in kids homes for Xmas.

Back to your OP, he's a twat, you're not BU, chocolate cake being thrown away waslast straw, dear LTB or get some marriage counselling. Hugs to you OP.

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