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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a tiny bit grumpy about my Christmas

127 replies

FluffyAnimalsRule · 26/12/2017 19:31

DH and I have house guests and PIL came over for Xmas Day so there were 9 of us for lunch. MIL was rude from the second she stepped through the door, served herself all her food while we were still taking things to the table and didn’t eat much so had finished before the rest of us had even had a single slice of turkey and then sulked that we were still eating. Even the DCs were waiting until everyone had food before they started!

Presented with cream and whipped brandy cream as the options to go with the xmas pudding (and so as not to drip feed there was a chocolate mousse cake for those that didn’t like xmas pud and she’s never eaten custard in the 20 years I’ve known her) she pushed her bowl away, stomped her foot like a three year old and said in the most obnoxious tone I’ve ever heard ‘I want custard. I’m not eating any until I have custard, where’s the custard.’ I repeated the cream options and said we hadn’t done custard. She literally ripped her cracker hat off and threw it on the floor along with her spoon and said ‘i’m Not having any then’. I didn’t want it escalating any further in front of DD1 (5) and DD2 (4) so I went to make custard and th n got DH to take it to the table as I would have thrown it at her. I remained in the kitchen and cleaned up from the main course, so I missed out on pudding. And I don’t want a debate about the fact that there should have been custard from the start - I’m aware that not everyone likes cream, but everyone that was at lunch likes, or has previously liked, cream rather than custard so I hadn’t made any.

Then after lunch MIL opened the box for one of the games that DD2 had got for Xmas, started playing with it herself and then lost some of the pieces and said ‘it’s going to be better without all the pieces anyway - they’ll have more fun with it’.

By the time PIL left I was thoroughly miserable and then the house guests wanted to watch TV programmes they knew I hated all evening and they are staying 3 more days. They won’t even get themselves a cup of tea despite me showing them where everything is, so i’m up and down every 2 minutes if they need anything.

AIBU to allow myself a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself, some chocolate that I don’t share with anyone and a glass (or bottle!) of wine.

OP posts:
CottonSock · 26/12/2017 21:37

If she wasn't drunk I'd be a little concerned about her mental health.. whatever her age

Tipsntoes · 26/12/2017 21:39

It could have been the Queen herself, there's no way I'd have gone and made custard from scratch partway through dinner. I can't believe the other guests or DH "let" you.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo · 26/12/2017 21:41

My MIL has dementia. Last time we went out for a meal as a family, about 3 years ago, she started before we all had our food. DH queried it gently, but she was emphatic that she was starting even though others had no food. She proceeded to tell the (over-stretched) waiting staff how to do their jobs. Our grown-up DCs were agog, but we've come to expect this kind of behaviour from her now. So, yes, dementia is ONE cause of changed behaviour, and if it's suggested by people who have first-hand experience then it shouldn't be dismissed out of hand. When my MIL was rude in the restaurant, she hadn't been formally diagnosed, but the formal diagnosis wasn't long after that. Most diagnoses are long after the first symptoms are there.

Original poster
FluffyAnimalsRule · 26/12/2017 21:42

Buttery - I considered that but the way she said it made it clear that if there was no custard she would tantrum and/ or be passive aggressive and overtly nasty for the rest of lunch so I felt I was doing the lesser of two evils.

If She’d done it today I’d tell her to fuck off if she felt like that and sit in the car until the grown ups had finished but yesterday I just sucked it up

OP posts:
Namethecat · 26/12/2017 21:52

My mil decided to go away on a coach holiday with a friend of hers. Trouble is they had a tiff a few weeks ago and haven't quite got themselves back to the friendship they had before. We've had practically 2 hourly phone calls all through the past few days of horrible hotel, tasteless food, rubbish entertainment, bad company that she can't wait to come home etc . I'm not sure if having her here would be less stressful !

buttfacedmiscreant · 26/12/2017 21:55

Fluffy, how about having a smaller scale do-over on NYE or NYD? A seasonal meal with just your family so you can have the meal you wanted without the drama.

DeadGood · 27/12/2017 07:36

OP if I was feeling extremely generous I would have whipped the cream and added icing sugar and vanilla. But making custard from scratch when there was a whole table sitting around a hot pudding - how would that even work?! Doesnt custard take ages?

DeadGood · 27/12/2017 07:39

OP if I was feeling extremely generous I would have whipped the cream and added icing sugar and vanilla. But making custard from scratch when there was a whole table sitting around a hot pudding - how would that even work?! Doesnt custard take ages?

Personwithhorse · 27/12/2017 07:42

Next year arrange to go away and tell all the relations next week, so they have a nice long time to make their own plans - and custard!

PinkietheElf · 27/12/2017 07:55

Spoiling your Xmas is one thing but someone being that nasty and cross and unpleasant and risking spoiling my DCs xmas is another - especially as I know how much work you will have gone to, OP, to make it a lovely time for them.

NO GUESTS NEXT YEAR ON THE DAY.

PostNotInHaste · 27/12/2017 08:05

Where's your DH in all this ? I think he now needs to text SIL and say her behaviour was concerning and step up with tea making to give you a break if attempts to get other guests to do it themselves fail. Next year definitely needs to be different.

It is hard when someone who has always been difficult develops Dementia , you don't know where their bad behaviour ends and the disease begin. And as someone said, Christmas is the time when sometimes families realise the extent of someone's decline when everyone is together for longer periods of time.

The other thing you sometimes see with the elderly is UTI's causing issues so one to watch maybe. However whatever is or isn't going on it's time for your DH to start dealing as his family.

He11y · 27/12/2017 09:02

The problem here is your concern with being seen as a good host. Your sil’s text would cause much hilarity in our house given the way your mil behaved but you’ve taken it to heart. Why? Who cares what they think if you know you’ve done the best you can and you aren’t going to do it again anyway? Stop looking for external approval to make you happy and you’ll find things easier.

That said, it does sound like something is going on with your mil to be fair - that’s not normal behaviour, even for nasty drama llamas.

eloisesparkle · 27/12/2017 09:35

Great post LazyDailMail

FluffyWuffy100 · 27/12/2017 09:42

I do not believe that behaviour is within the boundaries of ‘normal’ for an adult.

princesssparkle1 · 27/12/2017 09:53

@Greenshoots1 and @AmateurSwami

I agree. Sounds like EOD to me 😞

princesssparkle1 · 27/12/2017 09:55

Great post @LazyDailyMailJournos

eloisesparkle · 27/12/2017 09:58

OP What did your dh/her son say re the behaviour.
Such inappropriate behaviour would lead me to believe it may be dementia rearing its head. But I'm not a medic.

Can't you just buy tea bags for your visitors if you've run out and you don't make coffee ?

Sparkletastic · 27/12/2017 11:22

Reply to SIL 'She clearly hasn't been honest with you about her behaviour yesterday. I'm waiting for an apology or she won't be welcome at ours again,'

monkeysee100 · 27/12/2017 14:02

I hate that. I don't care if it's 'new money' according to the MN jury but I can't stand when people help themselves first and wolf down food before everyone else.

My FIL does this. He has health problems which I thoroughly sympathise with but surely can't be helped by plating a massive serving (badgering for the things that aren't quite ready), wolfing half then having to leave the table before anyone sits down and eventually the house because of ill affects

Badbadtromance · 27/12/2017 14:05

I'm so done with rude Xmas invitees. Sling them out

PepperSteaks · 27/12/2017 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cagliostro · 27/12/2017 14:17

I would reply saying exactly what she did

Original poster
FluffyAnimalsRule · 27/12/2017 21:34

Thanks for all the replies! Have had a much better day today -
House guests have all left and I have my house back so have been playing games and making gingerbread men with the DDs. 😃

Pepper - why are you saying this isn’t true? It so is. And there were other people here that could verify it.

Next year I shall suggest we just have a quiet Christmas with me, DH and the DDs. DH is going to have a word with FIL about Xmas Day and he would have slung his mother out on Xmas Day but I asked him not to escalate, for the kids’ sake.

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyAnimalsRule · 27/12/2017 21:36

I haven’t replied to SIL. I’m leaving that to DH as well.

OP posts:
eloisesparkle · 28/12/2017 09:31

OP you are right to let your dh deal with it.