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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a tiny bit grumpy about my Christmas

127 replies

FluffyAnimalsRule · 26/12/2017 19:31

DH and I have house guests and PIL came over for Xmas Day so there were 9 of us for lunch. MIL was rude from the second she stepped through the door, served herself all her food while we were still taking things to the table and didn’t eat much so had finished before the rest of us had even had a single slice of turkey and then sulked that we were still eating. Even the DCs were waiting until everyone had food before they started!

Presented with cream and whipped brandy cream as the options to go with the xmas pudding (and so as not to drip feed there was a chocolate mousse cake for those that didn’t like xmas pud and she’s never eaten custard in the 20 years I’ve known her) she pushed her bowl away, stomped her foot like a three year old and said in the most obnoxious tone I’ve ever heard ‘I want custard. I’m not eating any until I have custard, where’s the custard.’ I repeated the cream options and said we hadn’t done custard. She literally ripped her cracker hat off and threw it on the floor along with her spoon and said ‘i’m Not having any then’. I didn’t want it escalating any further in front of DD1 (5) and DD2 (4) so I went to make custard and th n got DH to take it to the table as I would have thrown it at her. I remained in the kitchen and cleaned up from the main course, so I missed out on pudding. And I don’t want a debate about the fact that there should have been custard from the start - I’m aware that not everyone likes cream, but everyone that was at lunch likes, or has previously liked, cream rather than custard so I hadn’t made any.

Then after lunch MIL opened the box for one of the games that DD2 had got for Xmas, started playing with it herself and then lost some of the pieces and said ‘it’s going to be better without all the pieces anyway - they’ll have more fun with it’.

By the time PIL left I was thoroughly miserable and then the house guests wanted to watch TV programmes they knew I hated all evening and they are staying 3 more days. They won’t even get themselves a cup of tea despite me showing them where everything is, so i’m up and down every 2 minutes if they need anything.

AIBU to allow myself a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself, some chocolate that I don’t share with anyone and a glass (or bottle!) of wine.

OP posts:
PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 20:56

Also ops MIL did throw a toddler tantrum...

Rossigigi · 26/12/2017 20:57

I had to read that twice- I thought you said MIL but then thought you were talking about a child.
Medal for you for not throwing her out.

LemonShark · 26/12/2017 20:57

PasstheStarmix I can only see one post from wherethevioletsgrow, that's not picking to pieces, or have I missed something?

Gemini69 · 26/12/2017 20:57

reply.. PISS OFF.. Xmas Grin

PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 20:59

She was highlighting what I said when people have said far worse on his thread and said they'd push her save in a pudding and all sorts. Just wondered why I was the target. It's Boxing Day and people need to chill out. At the end of the day i said my comments was from personal experience and not aimed at all elderly people and I apologise if I didn't word it correctly. Now we can leave it can't we?

PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 20:59

face*

user1497997754 · 26/12/2017 20:59

Lazy has got it spot on def text her that reply....you must have the patience of a saint by the way

Maelstrop · 26/12/2017 21:01

Why on earth would your sil stir the shit by sending you that ridiculous text? Just text back saying “Fine, I’m glad mil said something because we found her incredibly rude yesterday, she had a toddler style tantrum and was very poorly behaved all day”. Get your DH to send it. What a silly pair!

wherethevioletsgrow · 26/12/2017 21:01

I didn't pick you to pieces passthestarmix but I have some experience of seeing a relative deteriorate with dementia and it is very upsetting. I would hate to have heard anyone refer to my relative as throwing a toddler tantrum, that is all and I did not like the generalisation that all old people are rude.

Tipsntoes · 26/12/2017 21:03

I don't think there was any generalisation that all old people are rude, just the opposite, that it's not "normal" and may be a sign of deteriorating health.

PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 21:05

Thanks I don't think there was either and I didn't make up 'toddler tantrum.' OP said in her post her MIL was behaving like a 3 year old' Violet.

PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 21:06

I didn't think MIL had dementia? If that was the case Violet than obviously that would be very wrong and I think a lot of people would comment very differently on this thread including OP.

Rossigigi · 26/12/2017 21:08

Regarding this talk of dementia- are you all aware that there have been initiatives this Christmas to look out for changes in behaviour of elderly relatives as this MAY be a sign of dementia. Christmas is often a time that people see relatives that they may not have seen for a while or spend more time with them than usual. So may notice changes in behaviour that they may not normally see.
So yes, people should rightly be concerned about behaviour changes.

PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 21:09

I was also speaking about my own personal experience in a light hearted manor and not meaning to 'generalise.' Sorry if anybody got offended by it though Confused

PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 21:09

manner rather

Original poster
FluffyAnimalsRule · 26/12/2017 21:13

violets - I’m sorry if my description of MIL as behaving like a 3 year old has upset you, but she really was acting last he a toddler thrown by a temper tantrum and there’s no other way to describe it really. I’m not old people bashing. If I were I’d have bashed her with the flaming custard jug...

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyAnimalsRule · 26/12/2017 21:14

Typos : like a, not last he! It posted before I could correct, sorry

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyAnimalsRule · 26/12/2017 21:16

And throwing not thrown by - although now I feel like throwing my phone as well. I’m much better at typing on full size keyboards!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
FluffyAnimalsRule · 26/12/2017 21:20

No current known dementia. But. This seems like MIL just being intensively MIL on a bad day rather than completely different from usual. Usually wouldn’t start eating before everyone else but the custard I can imagine if she’s in a bad mood even though she’s not done it before

OP posts:
goose1964 · 26/12/2017 21:21

if this is out of the blue it could be a precursor to a stroke. Admittedly I've only known 2 people who've had strokes but both of them had weird behaviour in the previous couple of days.

I would have told her to stuff the custard, I would have brought my own brandy butter if I thought there might not be any

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 26/12/2017 21:23

Hmm, last time my MIL was here she threw a tantrum and left saying :" I don't have to bear that, I am only here for the kids anyway." because we had other guests. Cue DH and FIL following her to cajole her for an hour or two.
I am completely sure she doesn't have dementia, she is a narcissist though.

PasstheStarmix · 26/12/2017 21:27

Sounds a bit like my DM EatTheChoc and similarly she is also a narcissist. It stressful isn't it?

WildRosesGrow · 26/12/2017 21:28

Not RTFT but can I recommend tins of Tesco Value Custard to keep in the cupboard? Much less effort than 'making' custard, very cheap and as good as most I've tasted.

I've felt like having a tantrum like that about lack of gravy in the past but managed not to give in, but I do remember the disappointment. However it's not a great way for an adult to behave, maybe your MIL was upset about something else as well. I'm sorry people are being so trying.

Butterymuffin · 26/12/2017 21:32

Get your DH to deal with this, including sending Lazy's text to the SIL. Why are you being expected to suck it all up?

said ‘i’m Not having any then

I'd have said 'Fine, up to you' and carried on. Do not let people treat you like this! If DH wants to confront her, let him!

Original poster
FluffyAnimalsRule · 26/12/2017 21:35

Roses - sounds like a fine plan. And I had so little custard product in that I made it from eggs and cream, properly. Didn’t have any form of instant or reheatable! I’m now angry at myself for even thinking about doing it, but I really had to get some bloody custard on the table!

OP posts:
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