To feel a tiny bit grumpy about my Christmas

[FluffyAnimalsRule]

DH and I have house guests and PIL came over for Xmas Day so there were 9 of us for lunch. MIL was rude from the second she stepped through the door, served herself all her food while we were still taking things to the table and didn’t eat much so had finished before the rest of us had even had a single slice of turkey and then sulked that we were still eating. Even the DCs were waiting until everyone had food before they started!

Presented with cream and whipped brandy cream as the options to go with the xmas pudding (and so as not to drip feed there was a chocolate mousse cake for those that didn’t like xmas pud and she’s never eaten custard in the 20 years I’ve known her) she pushed her bowl away, stomped her foot like a three year old and said in the most obnoxious tone I’ve ever heard ‘I want custard. I’m not eating any until I have custard, where’s the custard.’ I repeated the cream options and said we hadn’t done custard. She literally ripped her cracker hat off and threw it on the floor along with her spoon and said ‘i’m Not having any then’. I didn’t want it escalating any further in front of DD1 (5) and DD2 (4) so I went to make custard and th n got DH to take it to the table as I would have thrown it at her. I remained in the kitchen and cleaned up from the main course, so I missed out on pudding. And I don’t want a debate about the fact that there should have been custard from the start - I’m aware that not everyone likes cream, but everyone that was at lunch likes, or has previously liked, cream rather than custard so I hadn’t made any.

Then after lunch MIL opened the box for one of the games that DD2 had got for Xmas, started playing with it herself and then lost some of the pieces and said ‘it’s going to be better without all the pieces anyway - they’ll have more fun with it’.

By the time PIL left I was thoroughly miserable and then the house guests wanted to watch TV programmes they knew I hated all evening and they are staying 3 more days. They won’t even get themselves a cup of tea despite me showing them where everything is, so i’m up and down every 2 minutes if they need anything.

AIBU to allow myself a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself, some chocolate that I don’t share with anyone and a glass (or bottle!) of wine.

Sound particularly rude!
What did your DH say? Did she eat the custard?

And at least I bit had DF for one day, poor you 3 more days I'd be going MIA

only

MIL has history for being a cow, but she’s never been quite this bad before. DH would have sent her packing but I didn’t want to spoil things for the kids. She may have a medical problem setting in but it’s hard to tell because she’s always been a cow. Not usually with such hideous manners though.

The house guests are from my family and I’ve told them repeatedly I’m happy for them to get their own stuff, but if I don’t offer it they just don’t get anything and I don’t want them to go home and moan about my hosting so I’m sucking it up.

But never again. Never, ever again.

I feel like a Christmas grinch but I actually love Christmas and I’m sad I haven’t had one!

Honestly what is it with aging parents? They revert back to pre school! Infact I think ore schooler behave better! That's a bit of a sweeping generalisation. Would you make such a generalisation of any other group? All young parents? All disabled parents? All blonde parents? Or is it just aging parents that are fair game?

Is she usually like that her behaviour is very odd tantrums about custard isn't usual adult behaviour.

If you starve them of tea long enough, may be they'll go home early?

I do wish I hadn’t made the sodding custard as it validates her behaviour but if I hadn’t, I could tell she would make it even worse for people by being even more vile and I didn’t want the DDs to see a full on fight between me and MIL.

yeah don't feed the grandparents it's the worst thing you can do. They'll never leave! They'll be dozing off and permanently camped out in your front room if you're not careful!

Sadly I just lost all the tea bags in the house so if they want anything more this evening they’ll have to have coffee and I don’t drink coffee so I don’t make make it as I don’t know how people want it...

Second post of the day where bad behaviour is being equated with mental illness. "She's always been a cow" is very different to it being dementia; some people really are just rude and objectionable.

You were being the bigger person and no she didn't deserve the custard but you were protecting your dc from anymore of her craziness. Hopefully you can subtly encourage her early departure?

Is she ok? Unless she normally behaves like this I would be worried about her.

You sound like super woman, next time they ask for something. Tell them where it is in the kitchen and ask if they can bring you one too :)

I too wondered Dementia. Why didn't your DH sort it? And sort the cups of tea!

OP, no one is going to berate you for not providing custard, but I do think you’re in the wrong for a) making custard for someone behaving that badly and b) making cups of tea for your guests. Tell them to make them themselves!

Dear me, I'd have struggled not to laugh in her face if she'd done that performance in front of me.

Stop pandering to your other guests, tell them once again that if they want a drink/anything else to go and get it or make it and not to wait for you to offer. If they don't like it/moan later that's their lookout and no reflection on you.

In future OP do not invite any of these 'guests' to Christmas at yours, if they end up alone and miserable and feeling unwanted tough luck.

My answer when guests want a drink/food etc. after I've shown them where everything is is, "Yes, of course, help yourself!" Buggered if I'm running round like a skivvy when people come to stay. And your MIL sounds like a total idiot. What embarrassing behaviour. Have yourself a big glass of wine and cherry pick all the best chocolates / biscuits from your closest selection box!

So sorry your Christmas meal was ruined!

Not to excuse her behaviour, but I'm sorry to say that the extremity and bizarreness of it makes it sound as if she may be slipping, mentally.

My grandfather, who was always fairly irascible, became much more extreme / rude as he declined. I don't think he ever ended up getting a formal diagnosis of dementia, but he certainly suffered from loss of inhibitions.

Doesn't help you much to say that though. Hope Boxing Day has been much nicer!

When I was about 10, I wrote at school that we had Christmas pudding with custard.

DM was mortified, because we had had home-made brandy butter, the pudding was old family recipe etc. We would never dream of serving it with custard.

I guess this thread is the total opposite!

Yes, I was going to say surely she must either be ill or have drunk far too much (and/or have a hidden drink problem)?

I am drinking wine, eating chocolate and looking at my particularly fabulous Xmas tree. I am going stop being a Christmas grinch and start being festive again. And reheat some of the leftover homemade fabulous xmas pud I never got yesterday - assuming there is some in the fridge. I shall consume this in private in the kitchen so I don’t have to share and then ask if anyone needs anything.

I shall then grab the tv remote back and put on something I want to watch rather than sitting back and letting them hog the remote and if they don’t like what I put on they can go sit somewhere else...

I'm normally first in line to call out bad behaviour, but hers sounds really odd - especially playing the board game by herself as it sounds like regressive behaviour which can be a sign of dementia.

That's the spirit OP - enjoy the wine, pudding (dare I ask with or without custard?) and the remote.

Ugh. Dementia, surely, not that that makes deranged behaviour much easier to deal with. Or drunk. Is she usually rude and demanding?

To all the PO witchunters, there are tropes around old people being difficult because sometimes they are. Ageing diseases of brain and body leave a lot of people in chronic pain, poor, vulnerable, and with receding social skills and support base, to put it mildly.Not guaranteed to make you nice tempered. These tropes exist so we understand and make allowances. not for any other reason.