To not buy for people who’ve forgotten my son’s birthday yet again

[Turquoisetamborine]

Son’s birthday is today. He wanted money from us so that’s what he got. He got a sad few items, mostly superhero themed which he hasn’t been into for at least six years.

I know Boxing Day is a crap birthday but surely people would realise that and try to make up for it by getting him a card not a fucking joint present with his Christmas present.

I’m actually keeping a note today of who forgets like they do every single year and I’m not getting them anything for their birthday. When they ask why I’ll just say sorry thought we weren’t doing it anymore.

honestly, why does it matter?

Yes it’s a fact people are skin by, but why does that mean a child’s birthday is ignored?

Why not cut back on someone’s Xmas present or Xmas drink or food so you CAN afford the child’s birthday gift?

Greenshoots may just be a GF, me thinks.

*skint

I think you may be right, Lizzie, still, nice to see that they're in a minority for absurd reasoning.

I've never bought birthday presents for any children in my family, and no one has ever bought birthday presents for my children, or for each others, because it is a waste of money and a pain in the neck, a demanding obligation and a source of offence.and reading threads on here I am so glad we have never bothered.

It seems to be nothing other than a source of angst.

No body is ever happy, everybody expects and demands more, accusing people of buying crap, or passive aggressive or thoughtless presents. The OP is calling the presents her DS got "sad"

All this stuff people are buying that get such responses costs money, what a horrendous waste of time and money and resources for everybody. Expectations are totally out of kilter with reality, and the waste is quite frankly obscene.

how about just drop it?

A child should have something nice from their parents. and maybe a couple of little bits and pieces from people who a) remember b) have the money and c) happen across something appropriate.

Children don't need it if it is a source of stress for the person buying, or the person buying can't afford it, or if the person buying can't find anything appropriate.

Whats the point of just buying something because thats the date and you are expected to, just for the sake of it, whether you can afford it or not, whether the gift will be liked or not.

But this thread isn't about you and what you do, Greenshoots so how about you drop it since you are just trying to goad? I've noticed you doing that on other threads too.

“A child should have something nice from their parents. and maybe a couple of little bits and pieces from people who a) remember b) have the money and c) happen across something appropriate.“

Who put you in charge of everyone’s Family? I love buying gifts for my 10 nieces and nephews, brother, sister, and friends etc. And I’ll carry in doing it if that’s ok with you.

Seriously? Can't believe you are so worked up about presents and getting stuff???? Trivial as fuck

I love buying gifts for my 10 nieces and nephews, brother, sister, and friends etc. And I’ll carry in doing it if that’s ok with you.

you do what you like, up to you, no one has any right to demand it of you, though.

But this thread isn't about you and what you do

no, its a thread in AIMU asking if the Op is being unreasonable. Yes, my answer is totally unreasonable to be so grabby and whiney about nothing.

Seriously? Can't believe you are so worked up about presents and getting stuff???? Trivial as fuck

exactly

Oh bore off Greenshoots it's really not difficult to grasp what the Ops issue is. It's all fine and well to say what you do but it's perfectly obvious that the Op and her family and friends engage in that most unusual tradition of exchanging gifts at birthdays. If people want to opt out or suggest 60p tat lower value, token gifts then they should use their words and say so. Instead they happily accept gifts from Op for themselves and their dc while giving zero thought to her child. It's pretty normal to feel hurt when people you think care demonstrate their lack of fucks in this way.

it's really not difficult to grasp what the Ops issue is. It's all fine and well to say what you do but it's perfectly obvious that the Op and her family and friends engage in that most unusual tradition hmm of exchanging gifts at birthdays

what the point if all it leads to is this sense of being hard done by?

There is no point at all

I agree op. I have a DC with a "Xmas" birthday but we always give for both. It's just not on to give one joint gift.

YA definitely NBU! I would do the same and save yourself the hassle. My DS is a Christmas Eve baby and so far (he is only two!) most family and friends have made a big fuss and given separate presents wrapped in birthday paper, but we may need to give him an "official birthday" as he gets older. Your poor DS, hope he enjoyed his day and Happy Birthday to all the Christmas babies out there!

Tight bastards. Stick to your guns op. My birthday is boxing day and I have always got two separate gifts. Your poor dc

My DS sometimes asks for money for his birthday but I don't give it to him because I know he will be unhappy not having many actual presents to open on the day. Sometimes this means I give a smaller gift for Christmas than birthday or vice versa. May be you could try something like this and ask MIL to give money as she would probably find that easier.

I get the whole joint Christmas/birthday thing sucks! My twins have got joint presents to share, where you usually wouldn’t give sibling presents to share? Why are twins different?!
Happy birthday to your DS.

Sorry for your ds, that sounds shit.
My cousin had a baby on Xmas day this year. I hope people remember his birthday and don't ignore / forget it.

Happy birthday to your DS!

No worries, my birthday is tomorrow, a lot of people will forget as they do every year. It's also quite a big one to me (25) and I'm in no mood for it! Hey ho, I'll indulge in

We stopped buying for people who never bought for my dc....

I have one brother who is forgetful so we have agreed to not exchange birthday presents as its hard to keep track of all the dates but he always remembers the dc at christmas and buys them a present. fair enough.

but my other brother i would buy for xmas and bday for his dc and never get anything in return for my dc....not even at xmas. So I simply stopped buying for them.

though tbf a boxing day birthday is pretty hard to forget the date of....so they cant use that excuse.

Green shoots I do get what you are saying and in an ideal world I would like to only have to buy for H and my own sons. I have tried and failed to extricate myself from buying for my many nieces and nephews plus adults who don’t have children (daily only now) but people seem to like it and when I suggest it stops they don’t like it.
This is possibly because I buy nice gifts and wouldn’t give anything I’d be embarrassed by so no wonder they don’t want me to stop.

I now have a policy of stopping buying once a child reaches 18. Except for my sister, she’s a special case as she’s lost her Mam so I’ll always spoil her with extras.

While we do have to continue this charade then I do expect care and thought to be put into the gifts to us and that all of our birthdays are remembered including Christmas ones or I won’t buy for them. Fair enough I think. The gifts really don’t have to be expensive. I’d be quite happy with a bottle of prosecco or a candle for myself and the kids like nothing more than a fiver in a card to put towards something they’d like.

Family not daily! That would be expensive!

Do him a big party in June/ July. It's the best way to go with Christmas birthdays.