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Original poster

To not buy for people who’ve forgotten my son’s birthday yet again

99 replies

Turquoisetamborine · 26/12/2017 09:40

Son’s birthday is today. He wanted money from us so that’s what he got. He got a sad few items, mostly superhero themed which he hasn’t been into for at least six years.

I know Boxing Day is a crap birthday but surely people would realise that and try to make up for it by getting him a card not a fucking joint present with his Christmas present.

I’m actually keeping a note today of who forgets like they do every single year and I’m not getting them anything for their birthday. When they ask why I’ll just say sorry thought we weren’t doing it anymore.

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Original poster
Turquoisetamborine · 27/12/2017 11:02

Dozer I realise I was impolite to text my old friends on Boxing Day to ask to stop the gift exchange but I was inscensed by the shit gifts from them that DS had just opened and really couldn’t take anymore. I like them but one of them is really hard up and the other is not at all badly off but amazingly tight.

An example of the tight one was when we went out for a meal and I ordered a meal which immediately made me vomit. The restaurant was great about it as there’d been a serious error in the preparation of the dish. They knocked my meal off the bill and I said I’d have to go home as I felt so ill. Tight friend texted me later to say she hoped I was ok but could I please transfer my third of the bill as we always split it. This is one example of many.

Honestly her gifts are laughably inappropriate and just a demonstration of how tight she is in every aspect of her life. The things she gives I wouldn’t give to a charity shop.

The other tat or missing gifts from other family members just added to the stress of it all.

Nerfballs I think that’s why my DS loves his Boxing Day birthday because of the decorations etc and everyone being off school. He sees the good in it like you thankfully!

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AlexanderHamilton · 27/12/2017 11:05

There is nothing wrong with b & m bargains. I've bought my children, nieces & nephews & parents presents from there. My Ds (13) isn't into supe heroes but I can't expect people to remember he prefers star wars when as his older sister is a Marvel/DC addict.

With regards to his birthday I think it depends who the family are. I buy only for my nephew & neices for birthdays. I don't buy for friends or cousins children. I'd expect presents from grandparents & from my & dh's siblings only.

Original poster
Turquoisetamborine · 27/12/2017 11:05

And to the poster who said H needs to confront his mother about the lack of birthday gift. He has tried before but she never changes. I think next year we will try to offer to buy appropriate things for the children which she can pay us back for. She doesn’t drive and I think she finds it hard to carry things home so she would probably welcome this option. She has bipolar so you have to approach things the right way with her and choose your battles.

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Turquoisetamborine · 27/12/2017 11:09

Alexander there is nothing wrong I suppose with B&M. I do buy household things like cotton wool etc from there but do find they sell a lot of rubbish as well.

From my experience of 10yr olds very few are still into super heroes. Remember my friends would know this as they have their own boys.

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wanderlust99 · 27/12/2017 11:13

Maybe I'm too old now but what exactly is the correct/required ettiquette when 'making a fuss' of ones birthday? In my family you give a present and a card. This may or may not be given on the day. There is no fuss made. Are we doing it wrong?

HoppingPavlova · 27/12/2017 11:13

My relative has a birthday either Xmas eve or Boxing Day. Reason I can’t recall is because they celebrate it in June. Parents started it when they started school as otherwise none of their friends could ever attend a party etc and it’s carried on. They obviously know when their bday is but are more than happy as an adult to keep the date in June. June was picked as was before July school hols (we are not in the UK).

redexpat · 27/12/2017 11:14

I dont mind a joint present as long as it is a joint present, and not a christmas present halved. Eg we budget 150kr for dn. I found a lego set for 275 so that was definitely a joint present. Any big presents like bikes have always been joint in my family.

Mn really has opened my eyes to how thoughtless a lot of people are.

AManWalksIntoABarOuch · 27/12/2017 11:16

Joint Christmas and birthday presents are horrible unless it was agreed before hand because it was big or expensive.

lalalalyra · 27/12/2017 11:16

That's really shit of family to do that.

DH's nephew has a Boxing Day birthday and this year asked for a joint present (we have a budget for Christmas and birthday presents that the whole family stick too). It felt very, very wrong giving him only one thing.

The other kids are currently jealous, for the first time I think, as he's 'pooled' presents for a few people to get something expensive he's coveted for ages.

BrutusMcDogface · 27/12/2017 11:26

Did your friends reply to the texts, op? I'm interested to know what they thought!

I have a Christmas baby and so far she's been treated well by friends and family but I also plan on doing her a June party when she starts school.

GoReylo · 27/12/2017 11:28

I could not agree more. Every year I overlook that some people forget my DC's December birthday. Now they're on the Shit List. I'll just send their kids a card (that's more than they do for mine).

MrsMaxwell · 27/12/2017 11:34

DSD bday yday also - is a truly shit day to have a birthday and most people including family forgot Sad including stupid SIL who managed to post 50 photos of her baby’s first Christmas but not see she missed her own neices 13th bday. Sad

Anythingforacatslife · 27/12/2017 11:36

From my experience of 10yr olds very few are still into super heroes. Remember my friends would know this as they have their own boys

To be fair, I know lots and lots of teenagers (and adults), boys and girls, who are massively into Marvel/DC and so would have thought it a fairly safe present to buy.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2017 11:46

Turquoise, I don't think you were wrong to send the text saying 'no more presents for son and me for birthdays and Christmas from now on'. Your 'friends' will get it, unless they're unbelievably insensitive to other people.

I mean, they can't possibly receive nice gifts from you every year and think that scrabbling around for some meaningless and thoughtless 'stuff' is in any way adequate, can they, really? The gravy train has pulled in at the last station...

I have an October nephew and a mid-December niece. I take great pains to ensure that if I'm giving money, it's a 'full amount' of what I want to give for birthday even if it's the same again for Christmas - it's not a homogenised and lesser amount. And birthday paper all the way!

I'm a late-January birthday myself and that is mostly forgotten. I don't mind as an adult but it was upsetting as a kid.

It's not all about presents, it's about thought behind them and when there isn't, that is stark in its obviousness. You're free now :)

Original poster
Turquoisetamborine · 27/12/2017 11:46

Brutus yes they replied. The hard up one said it was a relief to have a few less presents to buy. I didn’t try to stop the gift exchange years ago but she said it was sometimes the only present she got so we carried on as more babies were born and it became more expensive.

The tight friend replied that was fine and we can still spend money on a nice meet up for lunch over Christmas. Neither were offended. They both know we have a big holiday coming this year as that was the excuse I made.

I’m always entirely relieved when anyone suggests stopping gift buying so would imagine they would too apart from they were getting much better gifts than they were receiving.

Anything, my 30 odd yr old brother still likes superheroes but he still wouldn’t welcome a gift of that theme.

The money DS was given for Christmas and birthday will be put together to get a larger present which he really wants and some of it saved for our big holiday. There’s very little tat which he finds amusing anymore.

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Turquoisetamborine · 27/12/2017 11:47

Lying witch I feel very free!! My list has gone down from 45 to now 31 in three years including Christmas birthdays!!

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Turquoisetamborine · 27/12/2017 11:50

Mrsmaxwell that really is shit!! Happy birthday to DSD anyway. We’ve found that making the day an amazing experience from just ourselves and not relying on other people has made it much better.

He chose the activity and food and could do anything he wanted all day. He preferred that over waiting round on relatives to call in.

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PositivelyPERF · 27/12/2017 11:58

Wish your dsd a happy thirteenth birthday from me, MrsMaxwell

Fundays12 · 27/12/2017 11:59

I think you need to just stop buying these people gifts. Most of hubbies family forgot our sons 1st birthday. I was a little upset but then thought you know what you saved me loads of money as I now no longer need to buy for there kids as they obviously want to stop it all.

However dh mums birthday was yesterday and normally I organise a gift and card but due to have broken multiple bones a couple of weeks ago haven’t been able to get out. DH did not get her a card or present which I find unacceptable. I got her a card yesterday but was not well enough to go shopping for her unfortunately. I am probably going to go online to see if I can order flowers and get them delivered to her.

Butterymuffin · 27/12/2017 12:14

Did you tell your tight friend that your meal was knocked off the bill, so you wouldn't be paying your third as it wasn't charged for in this case? That's unbelievable. I'd have already stopped socialising with someone who behaved like that.

Re the Boxing Day birthday, I would work on getting a 'tradition' in place to celebrate your son's birthday on that day, that will also fit with general Christmas patterns. So going to the cinema could be a thing - lots of new releases and big films out, like Last Jedi is this year. Or going for a non-Christmassy meal out like burger, pizza, curry. Going bowling. You get the idea.

Greenshoots1 · 27/12/2017 12:27

people are skint at this time of year.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2017 12:35

That's no excuse, Greenshoots, you budget for presents to give out at any other time of year so what's different just because it's Christmas? That is a really crap 'reason'.

You either care enough to do this present-buying thing fairly, or you don't, in which case better not to bother at all and I'm behind Turquoise 100% in her not putting up with this nonsense anymore.

Greenshoots1 · 27/12/2017 12:36

it isn't an excuse, it is a fact.

MrsMaxwell · 27/12/2017 12:38

Grenshoots that attitude is rubbish - esp when it comes to a kids bday.

Her own gran and brother didn’t bother either thanks pps.

LizzieSiddal · 27/12/2017 12:39

“people are skint at this time of year”
Hmm

If you know someone had a Dec birthday, save up for it! Especially if it’s a young relative!