Inlaws disorganisation

[ToffeePennie]

The in laws were due on Christmas Eve to visit here. We decided not to go to them as the children have been unwell and therefore we didn’t want them outside in the cold to go to their grandparents. This is the only opportunity they will get to see these grandchildren for about 3 weeks as they leave for sils place tomorrow.
We should have been to see them at 10am until around 4pm. Instead I told them to come at midday and leave around 6pm, that way I could cook a meal and they could do their family’s Christmas Eve traditions with the children.
As it turns out they didn’t arrive until 4:45pm because they had to do their Christmas shopping and wrapping all their gifts.
Our oldest child actuallly cried to sil and dn because grandparents weren’t here after his nap as promised.
When they did show up: mil acted all “pathetic” and hard done by. She kept saying that this was her first proper meal all day, that she’s not had a drink all day, that she’s been so busy with work, she’s not stopped doing things all week. She’s exhausted and she’s not sure how she’s going to manage. This is her usual tactic to stop dh getting angry with her, because he will excuse her behaviour if she acts like this. (Dh is actually really angry with them both and her moping has done nothing but spoil the atmosphere)
I can’t help but he disgusted by their behaviour. We haven’t said anything yet because it’s christmas but their lack of organisation is really starting to have bigger impacts on our children and I’m seriously doubting if we want them in our lives if they are going to repeatedly upset the children in this manner.
This is not a one off but myself and dh thought they would be much more sensible around Christmas - especially as they have grandchildren whom they adore.
So Aibu to be absolutely fuming with them and what would you do in that situation?

I bet if you had an envelope full of money for them they would have been early. Stop being their cashcow, and lower your expectations whilst trying to manage DC's

For god’s sake, stop paying for them! They’re like irresponsible teenagers! I completely get why you’re considering nc, they would drive me nuts too.

She will have eaten and drunk as normal (possibly more than normal) and somehow managed to come round with a proper bounce to her step when she walked up the drive
You know that for a fact, do you, OP? Assuming the worst of someone here makes me wonder what else you assume about the situation, rather than actually believing what mil says. And what does fil say? Does he agree? IIRC you mentioned patchy phone reception because you're in a rural area. Maybe that explains the lack of updates by phone. Maybe they didn't hear the phone (ringtone too quiet when in handbag?) or didn't think to regularly check messages because they were busy?
Tbh, sounds like you are truly sick and tired of them, and won't be happy whatever. You've had a weird relationship with them so far (can't believe you agreed to pay their sky bill when struggling to pay rent - thats enabling them to be pathetic and disorganized, so you've only got yourselves to blame really.
As op said, you know what they're like, so plan accordingly. Stop expecting them to live to your standards. And for God's sake, stop propping them up financially or otherwise if it's enabling them to continue to duck their own responsibilities!

We’re still waiting for PIL to arrive. They were due to be with us the first weekend in September.

theEagles we do this with my Sister too. We’ve even been invited there and she’s not been in when we’ve arrived.

@OP

Off-topic but...

She works in a shop ... This is entirely their fault as they are terrible with money and cannot manage to afford their mortgage without working

Most people need to work to afford their mortgage - you are in a very privileged position if you don't.

While your interactions with your ILs are clearly annoying, and YANBU to be extremely frustrated, try not to look at everything they do through that lens - it may mean you misinterpret things

Titty
We used to get this with brother and his wife. Nc from the violent thug and his wife with psychopathic tendencies is so refreshing.

It does actually sound as if their lives are extremely stressful - yes, through their own fault, but stressful nonetheless.

They probably need someone to sit down with them and help them to try to reorganise things properly, not just hand over money and start to resent them.

Cambionome sitting down with someone and sorting their stuff out only works if they are going to change their ways in future otherwise it is an entirely wasted error. I have lost count of the times I have written my sister a budget, sorted out all her debts, got her on payment plans to manage things in future, arranged the cheapest utilities etc. She always ends up back where she started because she knows I’ll just sort it all out again. I don’t think the OPs PIL are in this mess because no ones willing to help them. They do this because they know they can.

Bluegrey I think the OP meant she is still working at an age when most people have paid their mortgage off and can retire because they have mismanaged their money. Obviously most people who aren’t pensioners work to pay their mortgage but you expect to be past that at retirement age.

gamerwidow fair enough - apologies OP if I picked that up wrongly

My dad is the king of being late. Or saying he’ll visit. He said he’d come for two christmases in a row but didn’t turn up with less than 24 hours notice. I just don’t tell the children now, so that when he inevitably doesn’t turn up, they’re not disappointed.

He’s not been invited for Christmas since and I have extremely low expectations of him. I inwardly think ‘Yeah, whatever’ when he says he’ll visit.