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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to refuse to open presents from DH?

63 replies

loobybear · 24/12/2017 14:20

We are really tight for cash this Christmas as a close family member got married a couple of weeks ago and the cost of attending the wedding (it was in UK but hours away so had to pay for hotel plus clothes for the quite specific dress code as well as gift and petrol money) has really strapped us.
We agreed not to get each other gifts and instead to plan something really special that we are going to do together next year. We were both pretty happy about this and both promised that neither of us would get the other a present. All was fine but last night DH tells me not to come in the room for a minute and eventually admits he's wrapping presents for me. I'm raging. I'm really ill just now so even if I wanted to go out and get him a gift I woudlnt be able to face the crowds with how I'm feeling. He says that he got paid a bit extra this month due to something getting backdated so decided he could use that to get me some gifts (close to £300 worth!!) and thought he was doing something nice for me.
I was stumped with what to do at first, I'm not opening gifts from him when I have nothing for him and I thought about getting him to take them back (which he offered to do) but Id feel guilty about that as he told me he spent loads of time looking for gifts I would really love and he feels proud of what he got me this year. So I thought the best solution would be to keep them aside until I'm able to go and get him some gifts and swap them at a later date (will have to be after my next wage). Would this be unreasonable to do? It's the best I can think of. Any other ideas?

OP posts:
VileyRose · 24/12/2017 14:21

Write him a poem?

StillGotTheTreeUp · 24/12/2017 14:22

Gifts are about giving, not receiving.

Open the gifts, get him something when you can/want.

NoMudNoLotus · 24/12/2017 14:23

Just open the gifts .

Gemini69 · 24/12/2017 14:24

AAwww what a lovely Husband you have.... you can explain and maybe get him something when you feel up to it Xmas Grin

Tinselistacky · 24/12/2017 14:24

Wake him up with breakfast in bed.
Or something else..... Blush

Mrstwiddle · 24/12/2017 14:24

Oh, I feel bad for him, just open them tmrw and get him something later in the month

Fruitcocktail6 · 24/12/2017 14:24

Open the gifts and be grateful ffs. I know DP's gone overboard with me this year, I've got him 3, he's got me 7..: I'm really excited about opening them!

CremeFresh · 24/12/2017 14:25

You had an agreement, he broke it so he'll just have to suck it up !

PinkHeart5914 · 24/12/2017 14:25

Just becuase he has gifts for you doesn’t mean you have to buy him anything. He got some extra money and wanted to treat his wife, it's hardly a crime.

He bought them knowing he wouldn’t be getting anything, maybe he just wanted to treat you without expecting a gift back!

Open them, enjoy them

kaytee87 · 24/12/2017 14:26

Your dh sounds lovely. I would be very hurt if I bought someone gifts and they didn't open them. I do love receiving presents but I mainly love seeing people open a gift from me that I know they will like Smile gives me the fuzzies.

meredintofpandiculation · 24/12/2017 14:26

He shouldn't have when you'd agreed not to, but he has, and he seems to have put thought and effort in, with the thought that you'd be pleased. And now it's obvious to him that that he's made a mistake, and you're not pleased. I feel quite sorry for him!

clarrylove · 24/12/2017 14:26

Write up 12 clues. Each one leading to a treat you will take him on that month. Could be a picnic by a lake, cream tea somewhere, a sporting event..., concert. 12 gifts to open and you Don't need to part with a penny yet.

loobybear · 24/12/2017 14:27

Gifts are about giving, not receiving.

That's part of my issue, I feel really awkward receiving gifts at all. I was genuinely really happy that we weren't doing them and planning things to do together instead. I just don't any to be sitting there opening all these really expensive gifts from him and have nothing to give him back.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 24/12/2017 14:27

I think if he’s gone back on the deal then he appreciates that you won’t have anything for him. I understand it’s coming from a kind place but it’s a bit unfair to make you feel crappy about a deal he agreed to. I think I’d be pissed off he’d gone from spending nothing to suddenly having £300 disposable and spending it with no discussion though.

MsHopey · 24/12/2017 14:27

Me and my husband once said we weren't getting each other presents for an anniversary. But I saw a good deal and got him a mug, a few beers and a card. Not a big deal. But he went on and on about the fact that he didn't have me anything and how guilty he felt.
Honestly ruined the whole thing for both of us, he felt guilty and i felt pissed off that something nice had made him feel like crap. I actually felt he was quite selfish turning something nice into something shit and all about him.
Say thank you and enjoy the gifts. I'm sure he doesn't give a shit that you didn't get him any thing.

kaytee87 · 24/12/2017 14:27

Brilliant idea @clarrylove! Some of the things could be as simple as going to the cinema or trying a new restaurant

PurpleWithRed · 24/12/2017 14:28

There are two ways of looking at this. I suggest you go gracious, thankful and feeling blessed and making him feel good rather than miserable and angry and provoking a row. Save the discussion about whether it was a good or bad thing for another time.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 24/12/2017 14:28

I'd open them, if he was that bothered about receiving in turn he'd have not bothered to give.

Ilovewheelychairs · 24/12/2017 14:28

My husband and I have literally just got married and are totally skint. For Christmas I’ve made him a list of 12 date ideas that we’ll do next year (1 a month). He can choose which and when we do them, and it means the cost is spread over all of next year!

Rebeccaslicker · 24/12/2017 14:28

He wants to give them to you, OP. Anything else will hurt his feelings hugely, especially as he's put lots of thought into it. Let's face it, giving is actually more fun than receiving.

I would open them but remind why you don't have anything to reciprocate with - he knows that.

We're sort of similar tbh. We said one present each as we've just moved house, but I've got DP some extra things and I know he's only got me one thing. He'll be cross but he'll also like them a lot, so I can live with that :)

kaytee87 · 24/12/2017 14:29

Op even if you feel awkward the best gift you could give him is to look really pleased and excited about his presents and thank him.

loobybear · 24/12/2017 14:29

Write up 12 clues. Each one leading to a treat you will take him on that month. Could be a picnic by a lake, cream tea somewhere, a sporting event..., concert. 12 gifts to open and you Don't need to part with a penny yet.

I like this idea! He loves treasure hunts so I could maybe set it up around the house for him to find. Nice idea!

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 24/12/2017 14:29

He sounds lovely op!!
I get your point but bless him!
We had a similar promise but I found I couldn’t get nothing. I’ve got two token gifts for dp to open tomorrow when I’m at work. I couldn’t have him have nothing.

kaytee87 · 24/12/2017 14:30

@loobybear let us know how the treasure hunt goes and what activities you'll do. I might do something similar for my dh bday, lovely idea.

Aridane · 24/12/2017 14:32

YABVU - he sounds lovely

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