To think my 'lie-in' takes the piss?

[ifihadonlyknown]

DS is a crap sleeper and an early riser. I'm often up with him at half three. He's a happy. healthy boy but just crap at sleeping. I usually whisk him off (hes in with us atm) to the lounge and park him in front of the tv and feed him colossal amounts of milk to keep him quiet till a social hour and let the rest of the house sleep.In order to cope with this shitty routine I go to bed stupidly early and have no sort of social life or leisure activities-he's still small, it'll get better... Anyway, DH has finished work for Christmas and says he'll cover the baby and I should have a few drinks and relax for a change. I oblige and neck a fairly substantial amount of prosecco and its the best night i've had in about 2 years. DS wakes up at usual time, I play dead and sure enough DH gets up to him. great. Except he's talking in the loudest voice imaginable, to the point that I could narrate every fucking thing they are doing and I cant get back to sleep because of the noise. Then at 06:23 he brings DS into our bed so he can slap me in the face and pull my hair (as 8mo babies do) and proclaims that I've had my lie in and he's going to bed! I have to climb out of bed with Ds and head for lounge. He's snoring now. I'm up as usual with DS and a bit of a hangover wishing I'd not bothered and had an early night. Is it me?

Op that's madness, I recommend the whisperer book you can download it to to your phone/tablet. Your dd and dh are grown up enough to understand you are running yourself into the ground and need to get the baby in a better routine so you can sleep.

If you are all off for a few days do it now. Not only that but get a cleaning rota in place you aren't a maid ffs get the other two helping and stop doing everything and letting them treat you like a skivvy.

Could you start the sleep re-training now, when everyone is home for Christmas? Then you will have a good few days of it behind you before your DH needs to go back to work. You do need to do something though, I agree I find your martyrdom 'maybe next year' to be depressing. You do not have to suffer like this but you seem reluctant to do anything to change things.

When my son used to wake at that time I would give him the bottle in the cot and let him feed himself back to sleep. Could this work for you?

Why do some men act like complete martyrs for looking after their own children.

Ah OP.

Make the baby go back to sleep at 3.30am. It's utter madness. He doesn't need milk at 3.30am. He needs to be asleep.

Do some reading about the subject. Get a plan. Get your dh and stroppy knickers dd to help or fuck off somewhere else for a few nights. You are letting everyone walk all over you.

I get why it's got like this. You will have been a zombie for months. But now is time for a change.

My tuppence worth (if ypu aren't vsick of advice by now!)
Do you still find it hard to lift your son in and out of the cot? If so your husband needs to do tge 3.30/4am wake ups till your baby figures out what night time means.
If you can now lift baby out of the cot you should alternate nights.

Yeah I agree with the general consensus op.
Your DH and DD sound awful. Sorry but a grown man and a teenager are old enough to understand and your DD "effing and jeffing" at you is unacceptable.
Stop being a martyr they also need to deal with the realities of having a child in the house.

OP I just wanted to give my sympathy. I bred two children that didnt sleep. The youngest one was the worst.
I too couldn’t sleep during the day and I would have to endure ‘if you were that tired, you’d be able to sleep during be day.’ From people, DH included. I have hallucinated with lack of sleep and my bedtimes were 6.30pm latest for a long time.

As you’ve said, it won’t be forever. And this morning wasn’t a lie in, it was a ‘fuck all’

I hope you get it sorted. I just wanted to offer you some virtual support and understanding.

Your being a muppet to accept this. If norm lie in is 7.30am on a weekday and 11am on a weekend then there isnt some alternate universe for you.

You need to ask your DH, why he sleeps to 11am but expects you up at 6.30am? He wont be able to give a logical amswer.

With an 8month old you dont need to do the Christmas morning. Demand your real lie in!

" If I don't give him what he wants he'll scream the house down I will get a grumpy teenage DD effing and jeffing at me and DH doesn't get up for work when he's overtired."

Bully for them. Perhaps your dd could be more compassionate and accommodating and your dh more adult and efficient. Like reasonable people are when there's extenuating circumstances, like a baby in the house. Fgs.

I suggest at the weekend, you take the first lie-in on Sat, and whatever lie-in you get is what DH gets on Sunday.

If DH brings LO back to bed at 6.30 to take over the 'lie-in', that's what you do on Sunday. If he wants a proper 11am lie-in on Sunday, he needs to give you the same on Saturday.

Your DH is an ass. Why does HE get to have his lie ins and you get fuck all? No way. You need rest too ffs
And on top of that you do all the housework? You're not his MAID!
My ex used to do this. Reason why he's my ex now.

In terms of DH not getting up for work - this is his issue and he needs to sort it as an adult. Many, many dads (and mums) do night wakings and still manage to get to work.

Your DD, just explain to her and apologise and say there might be some nights of screaming while you sort it. This is just life unfortunately, lots of siblings will get disturbed by their baby brother/sister at some point.

I would maybe give him milk in bed at 3am and then try to get him back to sleep (even if it takes hours), just keep cuddling him, telling him ‘sleep time now’ or whatever you do to get him to sleep usually. Just persevere the same way you would if he woke at 1am.

He will soon ‘get’ that he doesn’t get up at that time. Watching telly in the early hours every day can’t really be good for an 8month old.

You can gradually cut down the amount of milk he has (or not if he has it and goes back to sleep and that works for you). I would just concentrate for now on getting him to sleep whatever it takes though.

DH should really be sharing this with you.

6 fucking 23? Heads would roll can he not read a clock?

I would tell him that tomorrow (or Boxing Day if it’s important to you to all get up together on Christmas Day) you will have your REAL lie in.

For context my DH doesn’t get up with the EBF baby (2mo) in the night at all now unless I’m really struggling to wind her/sort a poonami or something, so I am up every time baby is, but every morning he now takes her once he’s awake and I catch up on sleep. Every morning. There is NO reason your DH can’t on the weekends. It is normal compromise that has to happen when you have a baby. It is quite simple, he gets to sleep at night so he can get up in the morning. A five year old could understand that logic. FFS I am really angry for you.

Your first mistake in this scenario this morning was to leave the fucker to go back to sleep! I'd have kept the baby in the bed with you both, let him see how much of a lie-in he'd have got then.

And yes, you are letting him walk all over you with this - fgs stop making it so easy for him!

Op I'm a lone parent. And even I don't entertain that crap.
To me, the morning isn't before 6.30- before then it's night time. So I'm not getting up no matter how much they scream- unless sick of course.
Tbf, I've trained my two nicely to play until mummy rises, and youngest is only 17months 😁
When my dp stays he gets up with them for me and lets me sleep til whatever time I want- because I deserve the rest. I wake up and send him a message and he'll bring me tea and a bacon sandwich in bed. He's a diamond, I fully plan on keeping him. But my point is, if my partner who isn't my dcs dad sees it, how the hell can yours not? He's not a pleaser- except to himself. Nobody is that blind to see what this is doing to you!

Hope you get it sorted, you deserve so much more

yanbu
anytime before 9am is no sleep in and even that only at a push.

I hope you put dc back in bed with h. and found a lovely quite space to sleep.