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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my 'lie-in' takes the piss?

92 replies

ifihadonlyknown · 24/12/2017 07:23

DS is a crap sleeper and an early riser. I'm often up with him at half three. He's a happy. healthy boy but just crap at sleeping. I usually whisk him off (hes in with us atm) to the lounge and park him in front of the tv and feed him colossal amounts of milk to keep him quiet till a social hour and let the rest of the house sleep.In order to cope with this shitty routine I go to bed stupidly early and have no sort of social life or leisure activities-he's still small, it'll get better... Anyway, DH has finished work for Christmas and says he'll cover the baby and I should have a few drinks and relax for a change. I oblige and neck a fairly substantial amount of prosecco and its the best night i've had in about 2 years. DS wakes up at usual time, I play dead and sure enough DH gets up to him. great. Except he's talking in the loudest voice imaginable, to the point that I could narrate every fucking thing they are doing and I cant get back to sleep because of the noise. Then at 06:23 he brings DS into our bed so he can slap me in the face and pull my hair (as 8mo babies do) and proclaims that I've had my lie in and he's going to bed! I have to climb out of bed with Ds and head for lounge. He's snoring now. I'm up as usual with DS and a bit of a hangover wishing I'd not bothered and had an early night. Is it me?

OP posts:
KrisCringleWinterWonderland · 24/12/2017 07:54

There's a lot here that needs changing, sounds like.

gamerchick · 24/12/2017 07:56

Sorry OP but you've allowed and enabled this to happen. Time for a stern conversation about the joke that was your lie in and what you want to happen next time.

The 11am lie ins stop now, you should be sharing the load until the bairns older as it is.

Igottastartthinkingbee · 24/12/2017 07:59

Ok I'm nowhere near your level of need but similar happens in this house. It drives me mad that I have to ask for a lie in when I just let his happen. By the time I've kicked him up the arse to take DC downstairs I'm awake. Pointless. Anyway YANBU. Good luck getting another, better lie in, you sound like you deserve it.

pictish · 24/12/2017 07:59

"Well DH has done it now and set the precedent of what time it’s officially morning."

This in bucketloads. It's the stance I would take. Righto then chump - it's 6.23...time to rise and shine according to you, so up you pop, there's a lad.

NapQueen · 24/12/2017 07:59

Good grief!

Ok some talks need to happen and some agreements made.
Firstly how old is ds and why have you not tackled the 3.30am wakes before now? Maybe this christmas break is the time to start.

Secondly take turns. One of you up at 3.30am while the other sleep trains the baby in another room. As soon as 6.30am or 7am hits SWAP. The person who was up ay 3.30 then has til 9.30am to catch some extra sleep. Then the one who got up at 7am takes over with the baby.

KatharinaRosalie · 24/12/2017 08:00

No no, 6.23 is a lie in. So if it's not his lie-in morning, he will get up at 3.30 with DS.

glow1984 · 24/12/2017 08:03

3:30 am is not an early wake up. He’s waking up in the middle of the night and you need to nip that in the bud. Put him back to bed or don’t pick him up!

And don’t let your OH sleep in until 11! I am usually the one up every morning with DS. On a non-working day, the latest i’ll let DP sleep in is 9, unless he has had a night out. (I would wake him up earlier, but he is the only driver so I need him awake to chauffeur us around lol).

MessyBun247 · 24/12/2017 08:04

3.30 is the middle of the night. It’s a night waking. Then after he’s been up a few hours he’s being allowed to lie in until 11am, which means he’s catching up on his sleep and the cycle continues. Stop ‘whisking’ him up at 3.30 and rewarding him with tv and milk.

But yes, your DH is being a dick.

Mammyloveswine · 24/12/2017 08:05

At 8 months baby shouldn't be waking for the day at 3:30 Am... does he go back to sleep after milk? Is he breastfed? Treat this wake up like any other wake up, do not get up with ds and do not put the telly on.

Both you and your husband need to take it in turns to break this habit. Your husband is a twat for the lie in but you need to establish ground rules.

Big hugs to you op as you must be bloody knackered

BitOutOfPractice · 24/12/2017 08:05

No wonder you have anxiety in so little sleep. I wouldn't be surprised if you had still on break down. It's ridiculous.

To start with, 4:30 is NOT getting up time for anyone. What have you done to tackle that?

And your stupid entitled dh (whose behaviour you have absolutely enabled) needs to have done Home truths told to him. What sort of man lets his wife drive herself into the ground like this while he snores? Pathetic.

You sound so lovely op, but please don't fall into the trap of being a martyr

MessyBun247 · 24/12/2017 08:08

Sorry I mis-read. I thought DS was sleeping until 11 after being up so early. DH is taking the piss. But the 3.30am getting up with the baby needs to stop. Bring DS in with you, no lights on, no interaction. He’ll get bored and go back to sleep.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 24/12/2017 08:09

Oh OP....stop treating 3.30 am as DS's "getting up time'

It's not! It's him being a baby. Feed him, change him...put him back to bed!

It will take a while but 3.30 isn't ok.

mumonashoestring · 24/12/2017 08:10

Your DH is a dingleberry.

On a separate note, by 8 months DS was old enough to have worked out that if he cried I'd get up and as far as he was concerned that meant playtime. He didn't need a feed or a change, he was just pratting about. Have you tried proper sleep training so he learns to resettle himself and you learn to sleep through a bit of grumbling and giggling while he does it? He should be old enough for it to work by now and you physically and psychologically can't go on like this forever.

Sarahh2014 · 24/12/2017 08:10

My dh wouldn't have come up however the noise thing would have happened in fact it's happening now as I type this .they've got a film on vv loud where as if it were me and he was in bed id make sure we were extra quiet

lookingforthecorkscrew · 24/12/2017 08:13

I’m staying at the in-laws and shared a bed with DS last night, DH slept alone in his own room. I have been awake with DS since 4. We’ve been downstairs for an hour and I’ve fed/watered him and there’s still no sign of anyone awake. Tbh this is why I hate going away at Christmas, everyone always says you’ll get loads of help with the kids but IME that just means me creeping around with him in the morning trying not to wake hungover relatives, and sitting at home watching him while everyone else goes to the pub.

MujosMama · 24/12/2017 08:14

Ooh OP you poor thing. I'd be well pissed off with this. I had to have a word with DP the other week because I regularly take DS (6 months, gets up between 7 and 8 thank god) downstairs and entertain him so he can lie in before a late shift (getting up at 10 to do a 12 hour shift) but when I'm working (shorter hours but earlier start) he wasn't getting up with him, leaving me to try and get ready for work while occupying him. Sounds like you do something similar! I made it clear that if he didn't pull his weight I'd be far less keen to take his wriggly kicky shouty son out of the bed with me and he could deal with him of a morning.

Honestly you just need to ask him what he's playing at. It's really unfair on you. I agree with PPs that you need to define expectations. Please don't let this put you off ever asking again, that will just make things worse for you and you'll feel so resentful. Just say you were really upset that he woke you up so early and say you want a repeat where he actually lets you lie in the same as you let him. Then do it! You deserve it. That routine sounds soul destroying Wine

Original poster
ifihadonlyknown · 24/12/2017 08:15

He's bottle fed. 35 OZ a day on top of three decent meals (he's a lump) I have let him do this shit routine. Had a slow recovery from EMCS and DH and I were deeply traumatised by his birth (honestly couldn't make up the cock ups a negligence nearly killed us both) Ever since DH went back to work I've done all the night waking and this daft routine was started because I was in too much pain to keep lifting him in and out the cot and was worried DH wouldn't get enough sleep.The pram in the lounge was more accessible and I didn't worry about him waking DH and DD. Eventually pram evolved into bouncer then car seat and he's always enjoyed his 3am TV shows. it was tired, pained, slightly mental me that started this. I get that now.

OP posts:
DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 24/12/2017 08:18

This isn't good enough, tell him. You should not be a second class citizen in your own home.

ermagerdsnur · 24/12/2017 08:20

This thread gave me the rage on your behalf OP - now tell me where you live so that I can round and start hoovering for you, and when the entitled fucker complains I'll bury him under the patio......

GrinWink

Kardashianlove · 24/12/2017 08:22

DH should be getting up every other day. You really need to take it it turns, it’s going to lead to massive resentment otherwise.

On a separate issue, 3.30?! That’s the middle of the night. I’m not in favour of sleep training at all but honestly, I wouldn’t be getting up at that time. Even if it took 2 hours to get him back to sleep I would persevere.
Otherwise, where do you draw the line, would you get up at 1am?!

alittlehelp · 24/12/2017 08:25

You and DH should get the same amount of lie ins at the weekend, one each. If he gets to sleep til 11 for his, then so do you. How on earth does he justify your set up? It sounds massively sexist.

gunsandbanjos · 24/12/2017 08:26

Bless you, that sounds rough and easy to see how you ended up in that routine.

Sounds like now might be the time to make a change though.

DeadGood · 24/12/2017 08:28

OP it’s really depressing reading your “back to 9pm bedtimes for me” updates.

I realise you cat sleep now, but i’d be having words with your husband when he wakes up (which is right now.)

Tell him how misleading he was. Ask him why he encouraged you to drink knowing you would be back on duty at 6am. Ask him if he would consider, in any universe, 6am to be a “lie-in”.

And finally, tell him that his days of dozing til 11am are now history.

Jesus Christ, he really does not get it. You have done this for years and he can’t manage once.

CanIBuffalo · 24/12/2017 08:30

You've had lots of brilliant advice from other posters so I just want so slather you in sympathy and hugs.
But it's MN so have a manly handshake and sympathy Gin instead.

Silverthorn · 24/12/2017 08:31

With regards to the 3.30am wake up you need to stop with the tv and milk. He's now been trained to wake up then. It's super hard to contemplate another method when so tired but its short term pain for long term gain. Good luck.