To think my 'lie-in' takes the piss?

[ifihadonlyknown]

DS is a crap sleeper and an early riser. I'm often up with him at half three. He's a happy. healthy boy but just crap at sleeping. I usually whisk him off (hes in with us atm) to the lounge and park him in front of the tv and feed him colossal amounts of milk to keep him quiet till a social hour and let the rest of the house sleep.In order to cope with this shitty routine I go to bed stupidly early and have no sort of social life or leisure activities-he's still small, it'll get better... Anyway, DH has finished work for Christmas and says he'll cover the baby and I should have a few drinks and relax for a change. I oblige and neck a fairly substantial amount of prosecco and its the best night i've had in about 2 years. DS wakes up at usual time, I play dead and sure enough DH gets up to him. great. Except he's talking in the loudest voice imaginable, to the point that I could narrate every fucking thing they are doing and I cant get back to sleep because of the noise. Then at 06:23 he brings DS into our bed so he can slap me in the face and pull my hair (as 8mo babies do) and proclaims that I've had my lie in and he's going to bed! I have to climb out of bed with Ds and head for lounge. He's snoring now. I'm up as usual with DS and a bit of a hangover wishing I'd not bothered and had an early night. Is it me?

Step 1 try and sort ds sleep issue. Easier said than done
Step 2 from now on dh to do his share of the night wakings particularly when not at work
Step 3 a lie in is until 9am. 10am if a real treat. Bugger letting your dh stay im bed all morning. Selfish so and so.

Thank you all for great advice. I know the time is daft. How can I change it though? If I don't give him what he wants he'll scream the house down I will get a grumpy teenage DD effing and jeffing at me and DH doesn't get up for work when he's overtired. Shall I just move out with DS till i've resolved this madness?

It is hard with a second child, you have my sympathies. In my experience my dcs were sharing a room so I found myself leaping up and doing whatever to keep him quiet so oldest wouldn't be too tired for school.
I was exhausted!! The nearest school holiday that started I apologised to my oldest and said he might have less sleep for a few nights. As it happened he didn't even wake when youngest woke and cried.

Sounds like you have bigger issues all round though. In all honesty I would've told him to fuck off back downstairs until 10 minimum. Try having an adult conversation about it later, if that doesn't work then I second the pp above who said the precedent has been set! Bet you'll need to clean loudly on boxing day

We did the gradual retreat method.
In your case, I think we would do the cry it out method.

As a side note,
Your DD needs to learn some respect
Your DH needs to man up ffs. The amount of times I dragged myself into work after being up half the night...

If your d's is a teenager she is old enough to understand, my 6 yo was! Just say, I need to get him to realise 3.30 isn't ok so when he cries I won't be entertaining him downstairs. Maybe first night give him water in a sippy bottle in his cot, dont turn on any lights or talk to him particularly. And wait until he really shouts for you to go in in the first place, if it's habit for you both he probably is just starting to grumble and you're leaping up?

FFS OP, you sit down with your family. Yy explain the issue which should be blindingly obvious to both of them anyway. But in case it isn’t, open the conversation with “in case you weren’t aware, because I move heaven and earth to shield you from noise, I wake up with DS every day at 3am. Can you take a second to think about that and how tired I am right now.”

Then move on to how you will be sleep training. Give them a few day’s notice. Then tell your teen that they will have to take steps to protect their own sleep. Sleepover for the first night perhaps, and ear plugs thereafter.

And your husband will have to take turns with you. Start on a Friday night. He does Saturday. You do Sunday. By then you will have made progress. It will be hard but it would also be hard if you collapsed from exhaustion, having not sleep trained. I’m sorry, but he wouldn’t wake up for work if his sleep has been disrupted? Are you actually serious?

STOP shielding everyone else from this, and looking after everyone but yourself. They will never ever thank you for it. They won’t even notice the efforts you are making for them. There is no prize.

Fuck that.

You need a serious conversation with your dh. That’s a really twatty thing to do.

You also need to look at your ds routine. Thats not a shit sleeper, that’s the middle of the night. Stop things like tv, no wonder he stays awake!

What a fucking arsehat!

Of COURSE YANBU! If he thinks half six in the morning is a lie in, he is a twat. Many women I have spoken to say stuff like this though, for example, he will offer to take the kids out for the day (as a favour to her obviously!) and then he rolls back in with the kids after 2-3 hours.

Upshot is, some men still think the child rearing/nurturing is up to the woman, and anything he does - ANYTHING - is a favour that she should be grateful for. I mean, you got an extra 3 hours lie in you ungrateful woman! Grrrr!

Of course you're right, but I am not sure what you can do about it, except tell him what you have told us here.

Make sure you wake home at 6.23am every day over the holidays and beyond. When he asks why you’re waking him so early do remind him that 6.23. Is not early, it’s actually a lie in! Remind him of what a selfish prat he has just been all day today too.

This ^

And as a pp said, 3am is not 'early waking' - it's the middle of the night. Your DS should really not be waking for the day at this time. Have you spoken to a doctor or health visitor about it?

If he was my DP he would not be asleep because the searing pain in his testicles would be keeping him awake.

I will get a grumpy teenage DD effing and jeffing at me and DH doesn't get up for work when he's overtired

You can tell them both you've broken yourself protecting them for the last 8 months and now it's their turn to behave like members of a family instead of fucking toddlers. If it helps DS really didn't take long to start improving, I think we had him settling himself after waking within 2 weeks at the most and once he was sleeping with less interruptions he slept longer and deeper as well.

My son wakes through the night, my brother started taking him for a drive to get him back to sleep and even went to mcds drive through and gave him fries. I mean I'd wake up in the night if I was going to get mcds! When DN sleeps at mine he sleeps all night ;). It's hard to start with but seriously, be hard for a few days and it will get better (dd1 was crap sleeper but the beginning of the night not middle)

Son = dn

Why is your DH getting to lie in till 11am on both days of the weeeknd? When do you get your lie-in?

His needs don't trump yours.

I do all (every last fucking bit) of cooking, cleaning, laundry etc I'm a muppet aren't I?

Sorry, but you need to get your husband binned. He doesn't love you.

Runningwithscissors

No. It's not you. It's your expectation.

Your DH thought he was being helpful. He was but he could have been a lot more helpful. Your expectation was creating the 'more helpful ' scenario. Reality gage you the 'less helpful ' scenario.

It's like when my 19 year old daughter helpfully washes up. She creates more mess than I need and my expectation is that the kitchen will look like it does after ive washed up. It doesn't. I've learned to adjust my expectation 😂

It sounds like you're saying OP should lower her expectations from her DH rather than tell him what her expectations are? If yes, that's shit advice.

Greenapplesplatter. Exactly the same happened to me. Even worse, DH could take all the drugs going and I couldn't because I am breastfeeding! Three days of uninterrupted bed for him, a total of three hours over the week for me!

He'll scream the house down only for about a week or two OP.

They move on once they realise you're not giving in.

Don't get up and let him watch telly! It won't be so reasonable when he's 2...or 3...or 4.

Your DH doesnt' go to work when he's been woken up? But you still do with your 3AM starts.

what DeadGood said. Teenage DD and fully fucking grown up DH should be giving just a tiny bit of consideration to you.

It's like when my 19 year old daughter helpfully washes up - wow, you DO have low expectations for your family members. I would think you're talking about a 5-year old, not an adult.

Thank you all for helping me to see sense. I am going to take some bloody action now. I will begin sorting out DS stupid routine because its utter madness. And DH will be required to pull his weight more, Its stupid because he's a 'pleaser' by nature and more than likely just too thick to realise I'm not enjoying this. I think he thinks I'm a control freak and I like doing it all myself. I bloody don't. Communication needed.

Op your the problem here your too bloody nice I would have laughed my head off then went back to sleep if dp does this to me.

We always agree a wake up time the next day depending on what we are doing.

He’s a people pleasure but you doing all the house work (even though you work, are up all night and look after a baby all day), and he gets 2 lie ins on a weekend?!
I agree communication is needed, but I’m sorry he’s coming across like a massive prick still.

He doesn't go to work if he's been woken up in the night?

You have a dh problem. Full stop.

Sorry to be blunt but I’m enraged on your behalf. You’re being treated appallingly.

Dear me, 3.30am is the middle of the night, that’s NOT early waking! It isn’t normal to get your baby up for the day at that time. no wonder your son is back to sleep at 7.30am, it’s because he is knackered.

This is what the real problem is, your dH is quite reasonable to want to go back to bed if he’s been up at 3.30am, anyone would be, (including you)

I really don’t think it’s the “who has the lie in” that is the issue here, the main issue is that your baby either has terrible sleep habits, or he needs medication if there is a medical problem with with his melatonin levels (or whatever it’s called)

For everyone’s sake, please get some help with that ASAP.