To think my brother's wife is a lunatic

[acornfed]

So far around the enforced family dinner table I've heard she thinks car seats are largely unnecessary and are a result of intense lobbying by the car seat manufacturers. She regularly will pull out her 1 year child from the car seat and feed them in the back seat..on the motorway..she seems very proud of this

She also dismisses the Health Visitor advising her about finger food as "middle class advice " due to the waste generated with food being thrown on the floor. Safe to say SIL is the epitome of "middle class", living in a very "middle class area" and undertaking a very "middle class" job. Weird.

I've worked in personal injury claims for years so I see the result of people taking chances every day. Pps are right - it's not your driving you need to worry about, it's every other fucker on the road.

I'm shocked that some of you are prepared to argue about the minimal risk of taking a baby from her car seat but I'm slightly hoping some of it is just the typical MN arguing for the sake of arguing .

A car seat for a child, just like a seatbelt for an adult, is the difference between no or minor injuries in an accident versus catastrophic or even fatal injuries. That's the reality. Anyone arguing it's ok now and then has never had that devastating reality smash into their lives or the lives of people they know.

That’s hardly the same ballpark. What a lazy argument

What argument? It was an observation that her comment was never going to end well

A fact if you will

Deciding you need to consol your child by taking them once during their whole childhood, does not make you a bad parent.

It makes you a very bad parent for that point in time. My family live 8 hours away, long journeys were hell with my two when they were tiny and there were many stops, dramas etc. It's not fun, but taking a child out of their car seat when the car is moving really is such an incredibly stupid thing to do. I've done plenty of stupid things in my time but I've never made a conscious decision to put my children at risk.

And I generally cruise the outer lane at 60.

I sincerely hope you mean the inner lane (the leftmost lane).

Your indicated 60 is possibly as low as 54mph. I can’t imagine you’d cruise for long in the outside (rightmost) lane.

In any case, sounds like shit journey planning. When we were traveling around the country with newborn DD we stopped at at least every other services for a break and a cuddle.

Bax you said it would have taken you 15 minutes to drive 25 miles - that means a speed of over 60mph, hence I assume a PP's comment that you were doing 100 mph.
But then you say you were in a slowed-down section doing 50mph.
You sound confused, mate.
Also while the risk of an accident happening might be low the impact of it occurring would be catastrophic. You simply cannot predict in which 10 seconds of a journey an accident will happen; neither can you prevent the actions of all the other crazy drivers on the road, however safe a driver you might consider yourself to be.

People forget that risk isn’t just about probability but also impact. If something is unlikely to happen but the impact of it if it did happen is devastating then the risk is still high even if the likelihood is low.

When I was learning to drive, my dad said (politically incorrectly, as per!) "rule number one: always assume everyone else on the road is a total tit."

It's pretty sound advice actually! If you are prepared that the car in front of you might suddenly turn without indicating or that the bike behind you might think it's safe to weave around you, or that the car several vehicles behind you might decide she or he can overtake everyone on a blind corner, you are more prepared. And it all happens. If there's a way to be inconsiderate and dangerous, someone will find it!

Who knows bax, you might think you're a superb driver, but to someone else, you might be that "total tit"!

MissBax You trust your own driving better than taxi drivers (who drive for a living), but say you "cruise the outer motorway lanes at 60mph."

The outer lanes of a motorway are for overtaking, not "cruising" and not routinely at just 60mph (heavy traffic notwithstanding). You might want to reassess your chances of an accident if you're routinely clogging up the outer lanes at that speed. It can be dangerous.

Wow I can’t believe anyone would take their child out of a car seat on a motorway, how completely irresponsible.

And yes I get how awful a screaming child is, my eldest DC hated their car seat, but it never occurred to me to take him out of it.

15 minutes of crying is better than a dead or seriously injured child. I’m a paeds nurse, if only I could tell you about the children I’ve looked after with life changing injuries from car accidents.

@MissBax if you do something as stupid as that I’d just get rid of the car seat I i were you. Just to be on the safe side
Seriously, you sound like my ex. Note the word ex. Ex fuckwit

Sadly I know exactly what an enforced family table is. The fact it was 6.37am in your post is about par for the course. Thankfully now also an enforced ex family table

I know someone who took a baby out of the car seat while on the motorway because she was crying. They got into an accident and the baby died. I'll spare you exactly what happened to the baby but to put in perspective, no one else in the car was even injured. If this was my SIL, I wouldn't hold back on this point.

If something is unlikely to happen but the impact of it if it did happen is devastating then the risk is still high even if the likelihood is low.

Exactly gamerwidow A person can only die once. If you're the parent who's child died or suffered life changing injuries as a result of your decision then you won't be wondering whether MNers consider you a bad parent for taking her out of her car seat once in her whole childhood. You yourself will be living with the consequences day in, day out, blaming yourself, wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.

Interestingly car booster seats were first introduced to enable parents to see what children were up.to and not for safety. Only later was work done on safety.loys of Research was done by manufacturers but an awful lot more was done by trauma specialists and paediatric neurosurgeons.

The risks are enormous and as already said, yes 15 minutes of a crying baby is hard but nowhere near as hard as a seriously brain injured or dead child where culpability sits with you. Then what about the other driver who has to live forever thinking they have injured or killed a child in a relatively low speed crash? Do the parents tell them not to worry it was the parents own fault? Would that make it more palatable?

Parents removing children from car seats whilst moving are negligent. They are dim. They care little for their child’s safety. They are unfit to parent. They are disregarding the law and placing others at risk too. It is inexcusable except in an almost unheard of emergency such as full on choking (and which parent would give their child something they could choke on whilst travelling?). Even then, you’d stop on the hard shoulder.

Send her some links to you tube crash test videos.
This one is with a toddler on your knee in the back seat.

No way would I take my baby out of a car seat whilst moving, screaming or not! Just pull off at next available opportunity! Why risk it? She does sound very opinionated and a bore! Bit like my Dsis! Her opinion is the right one you know!

Leaving your baby crying for 15 minutes is being a bad parent? But taking them out of a car seat on a motorway is being a good one?! Some seriously twisted logic there.

Babies don't die from screaming, they die from being thrown around a car or crushed by you as the films show. If I saw anyone unstrapping their baby on the move I would report them.

And I generally cruise the outer lane at 60.

You understand this makes you a really ignorant driver?

About as ignorant as taking a baby out of a car seat on the motorway just because they are crying.

And I generally cruise the outer lane at 60.

You understand this makes you a really ignorant driver?

And possibly not understanding average speed check cameras.

I never ever took my babies out of a car seat in a moving car or got in a taxi without one. It’s just putting far too much unnecessary risk on the situation.
I remember dd was 5 weeks of and we’d driveb 100 miles to a function. She slept all the way there but cried all the way home despite us pulling into services for a feed etc. I may have got into the back then and sat with her for rest of journey but never took her out.

Can I retract the word "lunatic" ? I don't want to sound like I am being derogatory about people with mental health problems. Really not who I am at all. Sorry.

Cruising the outer lane at 60 - oh your one of those fuckwit drivers who should not be on a motorway ! Nuff said !

She sounds like she is trying to say contentious things in order to wind you up and it's working.

It's also some really backward logic. You're a great driver but you know others aren't. So rather than think of the risk of them crashing into you, you just assume your driving skills will triumph. What are you driving, chitty chitty bang bang or the Harry Potter flying car?!

Eh??? You're saying driving 60mph in the slow lane makes me an ignorant driver??