Wedding gift cash - how much is enough?

[foxfox]

Please help settle a disagreement with my DH...

We're off to a wedding next spring, and we're good friends with both the bride and groom. We're very happy to be attending the full day, but it's going to cost us in the region of £250 with the hotel room and travel. Then any drink on top of that. This isn't an issue, they're dear friends and it's all budgeted for. The stag and hen do's ran to around £200 for each, but again, we were happy to attend and pay that.

We're disagreeing on the gift. The wedding couple have asked for cash toward their honeymoon. Completely fine. Not what we did when we married, but our circumstances were different and we were setting up our first home together. They've been living together for years and have everything they need there.

So how much is 'enough'. Bearing in mind we've spent on the two party's and will be spending more on the day.

Thanks for any input!

What about £50 plus a bottle of fizz and a couple photos framed from the hen/stag dos.

@miranda I can’t imagine that was less than £40 per head and I’d estimate closer to £50-£60 per head, but depends where you are in the country. Was I close?

Anyway, as I keep trying to say... ‘cover your plate’ is a rough rule of thumb for guests, first and foremost you must go with what you can afford and i also think it’s fair to include costs of attendance if you have travel far etc

no one actually expects guests to ‘pay for’ their wedding (certainly no one I know anyway). The OP asked how to work out an appropriate amount and I and other posters mentioning ‘cover your plate’ are giving one way to do that

Whatever you can afford! When it was our wedding we asked the same (well we actually said please no gifts, just your presence is wanted, but we got phone calls and letters from people saying they really want to get us something so we asked for a small contribution towards a honeymoon as we couldn't afford one) anyhoo.. We received anything between £5-£80 from people. It's more than we ever expected and i would hate for anyone to feel out of pocket at my expense, because like you say weddings already cost so much x

We give 30-50 but that's because we're poor, I'd like to give more! If you can afford it 75-100?

We was at a family wedding earlier this year and gave £30, we would have liked to have given more but they live a fair distance away so after travel/hotel expenses we couldn't afford anymore then that, they hadn't asked for anything no gift list, no poems etc.

Think if you were going on your own 50 but as a couple a bit more. Its true in lreland people give 150 or 200 as a couple even if travelling. Thankfully l'm too old for hen parties so don't have that expense. Also here people have massive weddings as everyone knows everyone so up to 300 is not unusual.
Someone said to me last week that once you go over 200 you are in profit..very crass, l thought.
But no way here would anyone give 20 euro except going to the afters in the evening.

Wow. I'm amazed at the large amounts given in cash as gifts.

The covering your plate doesn't sit well with me. The bride and groom have invited you to share their day. It is their choice whether to lay on a lavish five course spread with free flowing booze or to hire the village hall and serve sandwiches and home brew.

Our wedding was affordable to us. No way did I expect anyone to contribute to the cost of it. If we didn't want to spend the money we would have just nipped off to the Register Office on our own.

OP. I say give what you would usually spend on a gift. Depends on your own budget.

There's no 'rule of thumb'. It's not a restaurant. 50 is fine. You're not in Ireland, where again, how do people truly afford to attend multiple weddings? If you want to host parties and expect your guests to pay for it plus give you a gift, charge admission fees.

£25 each for a whole day seems pretty tight to me, but if that's all you can afford it isn't. Totally depends on your circumstances.

I feel like I am banging my head against a wall here. No one expects guests to ‘pay for’ their wedding, so ‘why don’t they charge admission fees’ comments aren’t relevant.

Just because the rule of thumb I and other posters have referred too is named ‘cover your plate’ does NOT MEAN that bride and groom have only put on a lavish do thinking ‘its fine, because our guests will pay their way via cash/gifts anyway’. No one thinks ‘our guests literally have to cover the cost of their plate and any less is frowned upon’.

Genuinely no one I know does this.

So since the name of the ‘rule of thumb’ seems to be offending so many people I will reiterate other ways to come up with a figure.

OP, here’s a formula for how to work out what to give, whether cash or gift to equivalent value:

1. How much can you afford - this is the primary factor
2. How close are you to the couple
3. How much will you have to outlay in terms of travel and accommodation for the wedding
4. What would you ordinarily spend on gifts etc? E.g. if it’s customary for you to spend day £20 on an individual’s birthday gift, then it makes sense to give say £40 to the bride and groom as a wedding gift. Similarly, if you regularly go out for a meal/night out and spend day £50, that’s probably an appropriate amount to gift (not because you’re seeing the wedding ‘as a restaurant’, but because that’s indicative of your level of disposable income & what is a normal level of spending normal within your social circle)

At the end of the day even by posting this thread you will have put more thought into it than the bride and groom have expected you too which is lovely