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AIBU?

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To think I'm never going to hear the end of this

56 replies

Happyhippy45 · 23/12/2017 18:29

I am right to be annoyed at him aren't I?
Back story. I recently became quite disabled. (Mobility issues mostly.)
Dh has been working hard keeping our business going and ferrying me to dr appointments and what not. Stressful time for both of us.
Money is tight and there was talk (from him) of not doing Christmas as he didn't think we could afford to. We don't do extravagant. Never have.
He then started to speak about an item he really wants for Christmas that costs about £350. Which is more than the total I spend on presents for the family.. We had "words" about it. When he realised him saying we couldn't afford Christmas meant for him too, he back tracked and said we could still host but get folks to bring something.
He also suggested pushed me to askI ask (my) family to give him money towards the item he wants. I said no. It sounds really cheeky, especially as we're not giving great presents this year. He said he was fed up getting stuff he didn't want or need and would like money so he can save up for his item. I said maybe I'd suggest a gift voucher for the shop if they were stuck for ideas. No one asked for advice on what to get him this year.
He's now being a huffy shite and going on and on about why I didn't ask family. Even saying I did it out of spite.
He also says he's going to keep going on about it as punishment.
The item he wants is for a hobby of his.
He's on holiday for the next 2 weeks and I don't think we'll both survive it!
What can I do to get him to shut up about it and stop acting like a spoilt child?

OP posts:
Plantlover · 23/12/2017 18:30

He sounds vile!

Notreallyarsed · 23/12/2017 18:31

Tell him to fuck off. I wouldn’t tolerate that level of whining and pettiness from my 3 yo never mind a grown ass man. Pffft. I’d also refuse to host, or lift a single finger for anything for Christmas since he decreed it cancelled.

As an aside, punishment? Really? Are you a dog or a 1950s schoolgirl? If DP ever tried to punish me he’d find his arse out of the door.

Costacoffeeplease · 23/12/2017 18:32

Is he always a selfish git?

TrojansAreSmegheads · 23/12/2017 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackteasplease · 23/12/2017 18:34

That's so sad. What a vile man.

Redcherries · 23/12/2017 18:36

Punishment? Really? Are you in a relationship that has an agreed status that means you accept being punished for your behaviour?

I'm really sorry to hear of your recent life changing problems, and the fact you are relying on this man to help you through. I would say ltb but can understand it may not be viable right now. He has put himself over and above your family Christmas, and now wants to punish you for not asking family to 'gift' towards his hobby. I'm sorry, but that's horrible and you deserve better.

Personally I would eye roll and turn away ignore every time he mentioned it. Make it clear he was boring the fuck out of me and I wasn't going to entertain it.

Wishing you well sweetheart

VitriolicMuse · 23/12/2017 18:40

I’d tell him to start saving and work a bit harder if it’s something he really NEEDS. Ignore him when he mentions it, he sounds incredibly selfish.

Happyhippy45 · 23/12/2017 18:40

The punishing thing was said in a kind of joking manner........but he'll keep going on about it and drive me nuts.....that's the punishment bit. Annoying me.
He will be doing all the work for entertaining, including cleaning the house as I'm not able to.
I get he's been having a tough time having. So have I with being ill but this level of childishness is intolerable.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 23/12/2017 18:41

Totally agree with him. He works hard is supportive of you and accepted he couldn't dprmd the income on something he really wants. Seems totally reasonable to explain the situation to family and say you'd be grateful for anything or just their presence but if it made it easier for them offering a bit of cash or vouchers towards what he really wants would greatly appreciated. That's what most votes do when they marry so why isn't so bad for Xmas.

I would much more prefer to give a voucher knowing a family member will get something tbey want so much then some stuff they'll put in a cupboard and will be wasted money.

I don't blame your OH for being annoyed you couldn't even mention it and for feeling disappointed.

hollowtree · 23/12/2017 18:43

Sorry OP but he sounds like a right twat

Happyhippy45 · 23/12/2017 18:48

I want to ltb but I don't know how to now!
I seriously fantasise about having my own wee bungalow and have carers helping me.
Our marriage may come to a natural end as he's not coping with me being disabled. I have a progressive illness. He does ok but I can tell it's a real chore for him and he's resentful I think. He probably thinks he deserves an expensive gift because of everything he does.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 23/12/2017 18:49

Is he a 12yr old? If not, tell him to grow the fuck up.

Notreallyarsed · 23/12/2017 18:50

Our marriage may come to a natural end as he's not coping with me being disabled

That’s really sad, and very unfair of him. Also, the level of childishness is extremely unfair and cruel to you. I hope one day you can LTB and have your bungalow!

CheeseyToast · 23/12/2017 18:53

What a sad thread. So you have an illness that caused you to become disabled and your husband's focus is on how this impacts his need and desire for a new toy. How awful for you.

Yes you can get out and I really hope you do 💐

WooWooSister · 23/12/2017 18:54

Tell family that he is being a huffy arse and why. 'DH is a bit grumpy today because he wanted x and I didn't want to ask people to get it for him.' The only way to deal with huffy behaviour is to expose it to the widest audience possible.

However, I would have asked family for vouchers for the gift he wanted. People were spending money on him anyway so I don't understand why you wouldn't get them to spend it on something he wanted. I don't think that's grabby or cheeky. But I'm guessing from your resistance to it that you have bigger issues with your DH or your family are very anti-present suggestions.

Redcherries · 23/12/2017 18:59

Swing? Wtf?

TrojansAreSmegheads · 23/12/2017 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 19:00

Oh gosh, I don’t know. I probably would have told my family that about out financiers being ‘tight’ and that DH would genuinely appreciate cash, even just a small amount...
I honestly don’t understand why you didn’t do that, tbh.

But the huffing, puffing, deliberately annoying etc? That’s an awful level of pettiness and even mean-spiritedness.

expatinscotland · 23/12/2017 19:02

'Seems totally reasonable to explain the situation to family and say you'd be grateful for anything or just their presence but if it made it easier for them offering a bit of cash or vouchers towards what he really wants would greatly appreciated. '

They didn't ask. It's never acceptable to dictate to people that they need to giver you cash as a gift, especially if they don't ask.

That being said, I would not be best pleased if my spouse told me we were entertaining when he/she knew they were not able to do a thing towards that.

froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 19:02

As for ‘the rest’... I’m so sorry. I hope you get your bungalow! Flowers

froshiechipandbrickie · 23/12/2017 19:03

*finances. Not financiers...

Capelin · 23/12/2017 19:06

Going against the grain here but I can’t see why it would have been so hard for you to phone your parents and say “Look, DH and I have had a tough time recently, and if you want to give him something he’d really like, it would be money towards x”.

Yes he’s a twat for talking about punishment, but why didn’t you?

Craftylittlething · 23/12/2017 19:13

I think it’s okay to ask for cash towards something or vouchers towards something IF you’ve been asked. If not people may have already bought gifts, highly likely in the week before Christmas. Why should you go without and he gets a £350 gift?! I’m sorry you’re ill and hope you find a place of your own with both peace of mind and quality of life.

Happyhippy45 · 23/12/2017 19:14

I didn't ask family for money because a) we are not a family who asks for money and b) I thought we couldn't afford Christmas. If my family had asked for suggestions I would have told them about him saving for an item for his hobby.....but no one asked. They do most years.

OP posts:
Happyhippy45 · 23/12/2017 19:15

and c) we all do the stiff upper lip thing and minimise how tough things are.

OP posts:
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