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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate when people unconnected make a tragedy all about them?

96 replies

crunchymint · 23/12/2017 12:40

Had this experience last night. We had a fatal crash near us. One friend kept going on and on about how she was driving down that road 10 minutes before and could have been hit.
It really really annoyed me. You didn't see anything, you don't know anyone who was hurt or killed, it is nothing to do with you.

Or another friend who heard the police breaking into a house to arrest suspected terrorists. She kept on going on and on about how close they were to it. The arrest happened about 0.3 miles away from her, she doesn't know anyone who was arrested, or even anyone who lives on the same street.

Just really annoys me.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 23/12/2017 12:42

I get really irritated with people who do that. There’s a very big difference between empathising with someone who has suffered a tragedy and inserting yourself into it at centre stage.

Nickynackynoodle · 23/12/2017 12:48

YANBU. Same sort of mentality as hangers on to celebs etc. Selfish and weird.

Maelstrop · 23/12/2017 12:48

My parents stayed in a beach hut in Phuket 2 years before the tsunami. Honest to god, you’d think they’d been there at the time!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 23/12/2017 12:49

Hmm. I don't know. People are reminded of their own mortality when awful things happen in places that they are really familiar with and think of as safe. When you travel the same roads day in, day out, you kind of forget that they are dangerous - I think people experience a kind of shock sometimes that nowhere is really safe and it manifests sometimes as appropriating someone else's grief.

StealthPolarBear · 23/12/2017 12:50

Yanbu op

swingofthings · 23/12/2017 12:51

Only because sometimes it makes you think and bring things into perspective. A few months ago, I was driving when I heard many sirens. It later came to light that a man had died of a heart attack at the wheel and drove off taking two other cars with him killing another one. The timing right just when I'd been there and as I have a dash camera, I looked and sure enough, I got to the round about, stopped to let the two cars go and then turned because I happened to be dropping my car for a service, otherwise, I would have gone straight and it would have been me hit.

It all came to light when the police came to get the video and told us about the families. Life is full of near misses, what if, and we can't dwell on it, but when it comes very close, it can of make you question all those silly things we get so upset about in life which are so meaningless.

Saying that, some people do get some pleasure to talk about things like that, that's why the news do so well, why I personally don't read the papers or watch any news on TV.

ShirleyPhallus · 23/12/2017 12:52

Please see all the “should I go to london given heightened terrorist threat” and then on the basis their next door neighbours aunt was in london the day of an incident so it nearly happened to them....

Rubyslippers7780 · 23/12/2017 12:54

I think this is called 'being a grief thief'..

fairgame84 · 23/12/2017 12:58

YANBU. My friend was driving where the Southend air show crash happened 10 more like 30 minutes before. I can understand the shock but she made it all about her, no sympathy for the victims at all.

giddyupnow · 23/12/2017 13:08

I think there's a hilarious american youtube video about this very thing!

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 23/12/2017 13:12

Oh it's hideous isn't it!? Tradgedy piggybacking. I think some folk don't have enough going on in their lives.

To be honest, I'm struggling at the moment with a friend who keeps posting about how hard her life is "Got to get the train to London in this weather!" with a sad face.

She's going to frigging SHOP with her rich Mother in Knightsbridge!

Same woman "God...SO sick with the flu...been in bed for three days!"

What? I'd fucking LOVE to be in bed for three days with the flu. When I've got flu I do the same as usual but slower!

Witchend · 23/12/2017 13:12

I kind of understand the 10 minutes earlier/later. Particularly if people were caught up in it without being at fault at anything other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's not necessarily making it about them, but more shock that it could have been them.

The arrest 0.3 miles away, or even a couple of doors away I find odder.

Emmageddon · 23/12/2017 13:13

The poor woman who was murdered in Aldi in Skipton. I live and work in Wales. One of my workmates was saying she was only in Aldi yesterday, yes love, along with thousands of other shoppers throughout the UK, and it was a tragic one-off, you were never at any risk. It's ridiculous.

BrownLiverSpot · 23/12/2017 13:13

YABU, some people get shaken when they are reminded of their mortality.

sarahjconnor · 23/12/2017 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 23/12/2017 13:16

My mum is the worst for this.

I had a near fatal blood clot brought on by the contraceptive pill- when she was told she says 'I nearly had a blood clot once' Confused she tells anyone who'll listen that we must have some awful genetic disorder. We don't. And her 'nearly' having a blood clot was being given an anti coagulant (as everyone is!) on being admitted for piles.

When my gran was diagnosed with cancer- 'oh my god I should get myself tested, it might explain my symptoms!' First thing she said.

Every 'Missing Person' thing she sees on Facebook is immediately shared no matter the location from her with a 'praying they turn up safe and sound!'

It's cringeworthy and exhausting- fortunately I don't see her much.

Oh, and when I was little we stopped at a petrol station in Lockerbie the week before the crash. She has dined out on that FOR YEARS.

ScipioAfricanus · 23/12/2017 13:17

I agree in general but a similar thing happened to me a few weeks ago - fatal crash only a minute or so ahead of me on the road (I’d set off slightly later than planned due to a phone call) and it was the shock of realising how close I was. However I don’t think I tried to appropriate it - just told my husband and mum about it later.

BeyondThePage · 23/12/2017 13:18

haha - I was laid on a trolley being taken to the ambulance a couple of months ago with a heart attack when neighbour says - "to think - I had chest pains earlier"

(yes it's all about you love...)

maddiemookins16mum · 23/12/2017 13:19

YANBU, the poor lass murdered in Skipton, someone posted on a FB page 'we nearly went to ALDI the day before, it could have been us'....no it bloody wouldn't have you silly woman. Then people coming on and saying 'glad your ok' etc.

BatShite · 23/12/2017 13:20

Ugh i cannot stand this. When there was the mass shooting in America not long ago, so many of my friends marked themselves as 'safe'. Despite not being in America at the time, never having been on a plane, and so on. I just do not see the point at all. Its attention seeking.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 23/12/2017 13:20

That's a riduculous thing to say about the Aldi stabbing, what stupid people!

It wasn't a random attack!

skippykips · 23/12/2017 13:22

My partner had DD on his shoulders. We were at a train station. He was going to go shop while I wait with bags. He was about to cross road at traffic lights when I called him back for a lighter. Next thing, the lights were on red, a 16 year old boy got hit as he crossed (car did not stop)
I was first at scene, giving boy first aid. He was ok, few deep cuts and bruises.
When the ambulance came, I went into shock. Had I not asked for a lighter that would have been my DP and my 2 year old DD! I doubt she would have survived.

No it wasn't about me, however it had sickened me, traumatised my DD as she now fears roads (although this isn'f necessarily a bad thing)

I do not like it when people make somebody else's experience their own though. However sometimes somebody else's experiences cam knock you sick!

ElephantsandTigers · 23/12/2017 13:23

Given the alleged murderer was know to the victim, I'm embarrassed for your friend maddie.

expatinscotland · 23/12/2017 13:24

YANBU

It's pathetic tourism at its worst.

Notreallyarsed · 23/12/2017 13:25

@skippykips glad your DH and DD are safe! I think your situation is different though, that’s a genuine “oh god that could have been my family” rather than a “we were 25 miles away but it’s all about meeeeeeeee”.

I had a friend who lived in Johannesburg and I remember her calling in a right state because she’d been in the ATM queue but left her purse in the car so went back. The man behind her in the queue got shot in the head and robbed as soon as he’d put his PIN number in. She was absolutely traumatised. That’s another situation where being distressed or upset is completely reasonable.