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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate when people unconnected make a tragedy all about them?

96 replies

crunchymint · 23/12/2017 12:40

Had this experience last night. We had a fatal crash near us. One friend kept going on and on about how she was driving down that road 10 minutes before and could have been hit.
It really really annoyed me. You didn't see anything, you don't know anyone who was hurt or killed, it is nothing to do with you.

Or another friend who heard the police breaking into a house to arrest suspected terrorists. She kept on going on and on about how close they were to it. The arrest happened about 0.3 miles away from her, she doesn't know anyone who was arrested, or even anyone who lives on the same street.

Just really annoys me.

OP posts:

JustDanceAddict · 23/12/2017 18:28

Isn’t it ‘there’s for the grace of God’ type thing though? It does bring your mortality into question.

PenelopePimpleBottom · 23/12/2017 18:29

I have a friend who does this...dh calls her the grief hoover.

StealthPolarBear · 23/12/2017 18:30

Yes just. But there's no need to put that on Facebook

Bestoftimesworstoftimes · 23/12/2017 18:32

There is a funny collegehumor vid about this
"The Girl Who Makes Every Diaster About Her"
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Sh5oNRuKLJM

Elledouble · 23/12/2017 18:43

I can understand how terrible things happening somewhere you know kind of brings them home - I used to study round Tavistock Square and Russell Square but was home for the summer holidays when 7/7 happened. It did make me feel a bit wobbly.

I wasn’t lucky to be alive or anything stupid like that though. I was a temp sitting at a reception desk where I was meant to be. Grief sponges disgust me.

smurfy2015 · 23/12/2017 20:35

@ShirleyPhallus we have, we meet as i say even the far flung ones who come by skype and have a drink to honour our friend and his life, not his death. It caused us to mature quickly that morning but no bad thing. On a school trip to paris in 2nd year, i got scared going up the eiffel tower, the friend was the one despite all the teasing who held me hands and told me to put my head on his neck till we got to our floor so i wouldnt feel it moving around me, i like to remember that.

@Turnocks34 agree your ex friend sounds really self centred and grief gobbler

@Giftdilema i can totally understand that, the arena is somewhere you are on a regular basis for work / leisure and its not just the people there who are visiting the arena on any given day, its a lot of peoples workplace and for a work meeting for example whereever you meet, you will cross paths with a member of staff somewhere, it could have been the friendly barista or sweet seller who you are friends with affected and that in turn affects you. Definitely not a grief theif

iknowimcoming · 23/12/2017 20:37

I have a grief thief friend - this week she 'checked in' on Facebook at our local crematorium 'feeling emotional' I still have no words

passmethewineplease · 23/12/2017 20:38

YANBU OP!

Winds me up. All very well to be shaken up or in shock but don't make the event about you becayse you were they're on thay street 2 weeks ago or some other crap like that.

Andromeida29 · 25/12/2017 02:50

I can't stand people that do that but not sure if I fall in to that category. I was in hospital in Manchester on the 22nd of May where they were bringing victims of the bombing. I don't just mean the same hospital but on the surgical ward. I've never seen such injuries and the desperation of some of the people who were still searching for their relatives. I don't feel I really have the right to say or feel as I do. I didn't witness the bombing. I wasn't involved. I didn't lose anyone.

ethelfleda · 25/12/2017 03:02

YANBU
It reminds me of the scene in Friends when Mr Heckles dies and Treeger says "they say he was sweeping as they found a broom in his hand. I was sweeping just yesterday - it could have been me"

MistressDeeCee · 25/12/2017 04:16

I have a friend I cannot speak to about funerals. Eg if I mention Im going to a funeral, she's off. On & on about she doesn't like going to funerals, she's not going to so n so's funeral for whatever reason...she just repeats herself.

She makes the whole event, which she isn't going to, about her. & there's always some far reaching anecdote about the deceased, to justify. "Oh I didn't know them THAT well really I mean I knew them from school".. "well, in order to go I'd have to arrange this and that". It's upsetting, as I'm thinking about the person who's died, and she's me me me.

Sometimes I don't tell her about a funeral. But should she find out then she rings me and starts going on. I now get off the phone very quickly and will cut right through her conversation. What do grief-thiefs get out of doing this? I know a couple of people on FB who will put up info about people I know they barely know, cue loads of 'sorry for your loss" comments. It's idiotic and I never comment on threads like that

BulletFox · 25/12/2017 04:27

Oh it's bloody irritating. I was talking to someone last year about my brother's wife getting murdered and he died of a heart attack afterwards and she started wailing as if it was her tragedy.

I wasn't crying. I was a little like 'WTF are you doing?'

mogulfield · 25/12/2017 04:37

A friend marked herself as ‘safe’ during the arianna grande gig, I replied with a glad you’re safe mate but a bit mortified I’m friends with someone who listens to Ariana grande... she replied that she wasn’t there... she was just in her flat in Manchester. Along with 2.5 million other people.

Situp · 25/12/2017 04:44

"God...SO sick with the flu...been in bed for three days!"

As a side note, I get really angry when people are off work for 2 days and say they had the flu. I have never had it but a boyfriend of mine did and He didn't get off the couch for a week and lost over a stone. I know IAPBU but flu kills people and people who say they have it when they have a nasty cold drive me nuts!

Winetime0909 · 25/12/2017 07:39

17 year old DD was in London during the London bridge terrorist attack in June. She and her friends had just come out of the pub and were on their way to the arcade at the bridge but it started to rain heavily so they decided to go back to the station so they could get home without being soaked. I'm thankful for that rain because she may have been walking along the bridge at that time or she may have been in the arcade and caught up in the whole thing. She's still a bit shook up about it because she was supposed to be there and I feels that's different. But I hate it when people are like that about incidents complemently non related to them! 'The people that live in my old house got their cars stolen last night, I can't believe how that could have been me' well no because those people have very flashy cars and had left door the unlocked so burglars could grab the keys whereas you don't even have a car susan

thecatsarecrazy · 25/12/2017 08:26

A lad i used to work with was killed. It was awful. A fellow worker kept being really ott. Of course she was upset she worked with him but she kept going on about how she was devastated at losing her friend. He was 20 a her in her 50s. She got very shirty when work wouldn't let her have a day off for the funeral she posts on the anniversary of his death every year etc. I find it a bit odd.

thecatsarecrazy · 25/12/2017 08:36

This is a bit confusing but...
My mum left my dad for another bloke when i was 15 but i don't have anything to do with him or that side of the family.

When my ds was in hospital i would post on f.b regular updates of his progress as there was wifi available. My mum asked me 1 day if i post stuff on f.b about him. She doesn't use it. She said her other halfs sister had been reporting back to their mum about my son and saying oh i see your ggs is back in hospital . I have no idea who this woman is. Only link i could find is her husband is a friend with someone on my f.b friend list. I blocked her and him when i got their names off my mum

flumpybear · 25/12/2017 08:42

A girl at work does this, someone's parent dies, miscarriage, pet dies etc she's in absolute tears, I've had to pull her up on it, said 'look it's ok to be sad for someone but remember it's about them, they need support, they don't need to be supporting you' ...

llangennith · 25/12/2017 08:44

My sister makes everyone else’s tragedy about her. So boring.

brizzledrizzle · 25/12/2017 09:30

I was just reading the BBC news site, an American woman is going to George Michael's old home today and leaving her children with whoever so she can pay tribute; she lives in California so it's not like she's popping round for 1/2 an hour. I think that's terribly sad and it's not about her but his family and friends.

SoozC · 25/12/2017 11:39

My dad worked at Euston at the time of the 7/7 tragedy but was fortunately on holiday at the time. I was wobbly when I heard, but only because I'd forgotten he wasn't nearby. Once I remembered he was safe, I was just thankful he wasn't there. I certainly don't go on about it being nearly him.

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