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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS go to a party

75 replies

Mehfruittea · 23/12/2017 09:59

...that he doesn’t want to go to.

Got the invite about 3 weeks ago, he was excited. Likes the other boy but not one of his best friends.

The party has a theme that DS has sometimes liked, often indifferent about and at times really hated. The theme was on the invite. DS is 6 and now refusing to go to the party.

I’ve insisted he goes anyway. What would most parents want? A child to turn up, but moody and vocally refusing to join in, or a polite sorry, he’s not well (with DH taking the gift along to venue).

I’ve pushed it because I’ve assumed less kids will be able go due to it being so close to xmas. Parent sent out a polite reminder yesterday, I replied positive to it. DS had not mentioned party or refusing to go at this point. I believe if you agree to something, it’s a commitment. And when he was invited, he was really excited. Theme was very clear on invite.

I know DS is stubborn enough to refuse to have fun, even when dragged in to the venue. Would that ruin the party for the other boy?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 23/12/2017 10:00

I wouldn’t make him go, drop off the party and apologise.

Sirzy · 23/12/2017 10:00

Present not party

SpartonDregs · 23/12/2017 10:02

How would he like it if his friends all didn't turn up, when the places could have gone to other people?

He said yes and so he goes. He needs to get over the theme issue, jeez - it's the people that matter not the theme.

formerbabe · 23/12/2017 10:02

I disagree. I'd make him go. You've accepted and confirmed. He needs to realise you don't let people down. Do you think he'd enjoy it once he's there?

HRTpatch · 23/12/2017 10:03

Yes make him go

beela · 23/12/2017 10:03

I wouldn't make him go either. Drop off the present with an excuse.

Piffle11 · 23/12/2017 10:04

Don't make him go. My DS is like this - one day he loves Ben and wants to play with him all the time, the next day they've fallen out and he never wants to speak to him again. One day Lego is the coolest thing ever, the day after it's lame ... I'd let the parent know what's going on, they will understand. I wouldn't even say he was ill, I'd tell them the truth.

RaininSummer · 23/12/2017 10:06

I think I would make him go as it is a lesson in honouring commitments and not being selfish.

Gileswithachainsaw · 23/12/2017 10:06

It's not his party the theme isn't about him.he told his friends he was going his parents have catered for him and unless he's sick he should go.

CanIBuffalo · 23/12/2017 10:06

I'd talk to him about how his friend would feel and bring him round. Offer him a liked activity afterwards if he's a big boy and behaves nicely.

formerbabe · 23/12/2017 10:06

Don't make him go. My DS is like this - one day he loves Ben and wants to play with him all the time, the next day they've fallen out and he never wants to speak to him again. One day Lego is the coolest thing ever, the day after it's lame ... I'd let the parent know what's going on, they will understand. I wouldn't even say he was ill, I'd tell them the truth

This is appallingly bad mannered. Op...don't do this!

I'm shocked so many are saying don't take him. How would you feel if it was your dc's party?

beela · 23/12/2017 10:08

Is he really fussing about the theme or is that a cover? I know that a party would be the last thing my 7yo needs this weekend, he's shattered. But he'd never admit it.

HerrHerrHerr · 23/12/2017 10:08

It’d be really bad mannered not to take him. What if everyone does the same and no one turns up to a 6 year old’s Party?

Original poster
Mehfruittea · 23/12/2017 10:08

I don’t think he will get over the theme issue. But I agree about how the boy will feel if DS/others don’t turn up. I don’t know the parents well, but I get the impression they are conscious of how close to xmas it is and therefore difficult to get a good turnout. I’ve packed him off with DH (as this was always the plan) but worried DH will go soft, make excuses and leave. We’ve promised a good behaviour treat afterwards, something he’s been asking for but we’ve never agreed. But I know DS is unbribeable when he decides he doesn’t want to do something.

OP posts:
Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 23/12/2017 10:09

Blimey - tell him that he’s agreed to go. What if everyone did this a little boy would be heartbroken none of his friends turned up. Teach him to think of others first and how to honour commitments.

Parker231 · 23/12/2017 10:12

Of course he should go. You accepted the invitation and the parents will have made the arrangements. Send your DC with the present and a talking to about good behavior. I bet he ends up having a good time.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 23/12/2017 10:12

I would make him go and tell him that if he spoiled the day by sulking then there would be consequences. He had the right to say no when the invite arrived so needs yo suck it up and enjoy.

GrrrHotdogs · 23/12/2017 10:18

I think it a really tricky situation. Ideally he should go and he should behave home self but you have acknowledged that he might be moody if he goes. I think I'd go for trying to convince him to go and even resorting to bribing etc as you are doing. It's not the best from a parenting point of view but it would be best for the birthday boy if you son went but went happily.

I can't see how forcing him to go if he is going to be bad tempered about it will help anyone. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I just try and talk through some senerio with him and try to get him to put himself in the other boys shoes.

In future you will have to be even more careful about what he commits to.

Good luck. Not easy.

Kitsandkids · 23/12/2017 10:18

I would make him go, absolutely. If my kids are invited to parties I give them the choice when we get the invite and if they say they'll go then we would definitely follow through.

And if my child went to a party and was moody and wouldn't join in I would take him to one side, very sternly tell him his behaviour is unacceptable and tell him he either joins in properly or we go home where (some strict consequence) would be applied.

livingoutofatescobag · 23/12/2017 10:27

I can not believe all the people saying it's ok for him not to go. It's unbelievably rude!
As for the poster saying "just explain.." Just explain what? That your DS has gone off the theme for the party and therefore won't be attending? This is batshit levels of rude and I'm speechless you're even considering it.

Make him go to the party and learn that he follows through on commitments he's made.

Allthewaves · 23/12/2017 10:31

Sorry i'd be tough. He's go to the party because he accepted the invite. If he behaves like a brat at he party and your dh leaves then he'd be spending rest of the day in his room.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 23/12/2017 10:36

I am horrified at some the answers here, you make him go, you tell him to paint on a smile and not be such a brat. You do not tolerate this awful behaviour, stay at the party, one sign of him acting like a spoiled little brat and there are consequences. FFS what is wrong with people

Original poster
Mehfruittea · 23/12/2017 10:39

Just spoke to DH and DS is marginally ok now, with the promise of a special treat for good behaviour.

And just to be clear to some pp’s; I was always making him go, and very conscious of the birthday boy having a good time. My AIBU was because DH is a soft touch and is taking DS. I’m at home worrying about how it’s all going down and if I will have to send appogies later. DH often criticised me for being strict and firm, so sometimes I’m not sure of myself, hence asking for MN opinions.

Thank you everyone, I do feel better now, although not happy about caving in to McD’s as the bribe.

OP posts:
Beamur · 23/12/2017 10:39

I have some sympathy for you!
Would he be receptive to an explanation that the party is about what the other boy likes, not him, and that to be a good friend he should go along and will probably have fun with his friends, even if it's not his favourite thing.
Six is still pretty young to be good at this kind of empathy.

bretonknickers · 23/12/2017 10:40

You have already RSVP'd - he should go.