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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alone

71 replies

daddysgirls · 22/12/2017 20:51

Being a single dad with 3 teenage girls at home is never easy but Christmas is killing me , I feel so hopelessly alone , all I want is to be loved by someone who understands my commitment to my girls since my wife died in 2009 . I have just sat alone in the local pub we’re I once knew everybody , I can’t bear the Christmas cheer anymore but cannot let my girls know how I feel . My ex partners is out partying because she didn’t want a part time boyfriend !! I have never felt so lost

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MirriVan · 22/12/2017 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaytee87 · 22/12/2017 20:55

I'm sorry you're struggling, it's a hard time of year. Are there any single parent clubs in your area? Someone with children of their own might understand a bit more.

lurkingnotlurking · 22/12/2017 20:56

I hope things start looking up for you soon. Work on how to make yourself happy going forward?

user1497997754 · 22/12/2017 20:57

How old are your girls .....is one of them old enough to look after your other 2 while you go out....why not join a couple of local meet up groups and expand your social circle. I have been alone at Christmas it's not nice and at this time of year it kind of makes it worse at least you haven't got all the family arguing to deal with. Make something nice to eat and have a few drinks and vow that 2018 will be a year where you make new friends so that 2018 you won't feel like you do now.

ludothedog · 22/12/2017 20:59

It's such a difficult time of the year for many. I assure you that you have made the right decision with regards to your ex-partner. Her loss for not appreciating that you are a dad with responsibilities.

Its ok to let your girls know that you are feeling a bit sad. Parents are allowed to be human with emotions.

WishingOnABar · 22/12/2017 21:10

You aren’t alone, you have three wonderful girls and even if they don’t show it they will always know you gave them everything. Sorry about the loss of your wife, but please dont think your ex gf represents all women.
There are many women out there who would be glad to meet someone who thinks family is more important than partying, you just have to look in the right places
Maybe join a dating service that you pay for, you find people who pay for the service are usually pretty serious about finding “the one”.
Hope you have an amazing Christmas with your girls Xmas Smile

ItsYuleyme · 22/12/2017 21:10

I'm sorry you are feeling so sad and alone. You are bound to feel down at the end of your relationship, anyone would do. You put your lovely girls first and this is the right thing to do. The ex partner was not right for you and your family. What did she expect you to do, abandon your kids and concentrate on her 24/7.

Sitting in a pub in your own will make you feel miserable as well with everyone around you full of Christmas cheer. You said you used to know them all in the pub, was that years ago? Do you think you might have some old mates that might be up for a bit of a pub crawl one night with you.
Just give one a ring and say that you went in the Old Pub and you didn't see any of the Old crowd so what's everyone up to then???
Also, not everyone are as happy as it looks to you at the moment. Christmas can be a bad time for a lot of people.
You sound lovely, I'm sure you'll find someone who appreciates you and all you do for your family.

Redsrule · 22/12/2017 21:16

So sorry, I felt the same today when picking up the last bits in town. My DH died in 2011 and this time of year makes it seem so raw. But you have your DD and a happier future is probably just around the corner. Is there a hobby you could restart or something you would like to learn? I hope it gets better for you.

Original poster
daddysgirls · 22/12/2017 21:45

You are all so kind and right in that o have my daughters , we have all been through hell in the last 18 months since my relationship started to break down , what parent wouldn’t put there family first ! I’m frightened now that it will happen again . Christmas is to me a time of great injustice and sadness unless your life is going well !

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Original poster
daddysgirls · 22/12/2017 21:46

My girls are wonderful and I’m proud of them but I don’t want them to see my sadness

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WishingOnABar · 22/12/2017 21:52

Daddysgirls last Christmas I found myself in a position where ds was less dependant on me, also lost a close family member who had been a support to us and I was feeling very alone and down, I can’t say anything to fix this for you but please dont base your value on the opinions of people who dont matter.
I spent the last year learning a new minor skill to boost my confidence and keep busy, also I made an effort to reach out to a coworker I get on with to socialise more, this year things just feel a lot better.

Maybe have a think about someone you can reach out to from work or an old friend you have lost touch with to go out for a drink or to see a film now and then.
Sometimes putting yourself “out there” a bit will bring a lot back in, the trips out may bring new contacts and new opportunities

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 22/12/2017 21:54

You sound so sad OP and maybe you're properly depressed. Flowers

Keep posting here...you'll find loads of people who understand and can share similar experiences.x

iamme21 · 22/12/2017 21:59

I get it! I've been on my own with 3 DS and all my energy has gone into being there for them.

Except now they're older and don't need me (except for lifts and cash) and I spend most evenings sat on my own.

It is very lonely.

Original poster
daddysgirls · 22/12/2017 22:40

I will keep posting and you are so right about sitting alone every night ☹️. Getting out there is not so easy here as I live in a beautiful but remote part of the country and everybody knows your business ! Thank you all for helping

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Original poster
daddysgirls · 23/12/2017 08:57

At work today and Sunday and want to be at home , I feel empty and sick with loneliness and need to learn how to get rid of the anger and resentment I feel towards my ex . I know things will get better because nothing could be worse than losing my wife and I survived that .

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DonaldTrumpsCarrot · 23/12/2017 09:02

🎅

DonaldTrumpsCarrot · 23/12/2017 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThePinkOcelot · 23/12/2017 09:10

What a nasty thing to say Donald! This certainly isn’t a competition.

Namechangetempissue · 23/12/2017 09:17

You can be surrounded by people and still lonely. I'm so sorry OP Flowers
Please keep posting if you need too! A lot of people here are in similar situations.

Original poster
daddysgirls · 23/12/2017 13:28

Am I not allowed to feel like this ? I didn’t mean any offence and yes worse things can happen but losing my beautiful caring wife who was a superb mother is a tradgedy from which I will never recover

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Original poster
daddysgirls · 23/12/2017 13:32

I know I’m not alone and expect no special help I just wanted to share and hopefully ease my pain so my children don’t suffer

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Namechangetempissue · 23/12/2017 14:01

Of course you are allowed. Some people are just snide. Post as much as you like.
Do you have any hobbies? Can you start something new next year that would allow you to get out and meet new people? I understand it is difficult with three children, but is there anything you feel you would like to do?

thesunwillout · 23/12/2017 14:01

Hi just want to say i hear you. Alone here too.

Original poster
daddysgirls · 23/12/2017 14:11

I have loads of interest but nothing seems to matter , all I want is someone who understands my position and to start a relationship , I know this site is for mums but I am there mum and dad and the most touching thing my girls said on my birthday at the beginning of the month was that I was the best mum and dad they could have had . Hello to you too , thank you for listening

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Original poster
daddysgirls · 23/12/2017 14:12

Being a single dad with 3 teenage girls is more challenging than I ever thought and I really feel women are stronger in this situation

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