Alone

[daddysgirls]

Being a single dad with 3 teenage girls at home is never easy but Christmas is killing me , I feel so hopelessly alone , all I want is to be loved by someone who understands my commitment to my girls since my wife died in 2009 . I have just sat alone in the local pub we’re I once knew everybody , I can’t bear the Christmas cheer anymore but cannot let my girls know how I feel . My ex partners is out partying because she didn’t want a part time boyfriend !! I have never felt so lost

You sound like an amazing father and man, who many women would be proud to have as a partner.
Well done for trying to find new love after your wife's death, that must have taken great courage. She obviously wasn't right for you and your responsibility to your children, is something to be admired.
Maybe think about joining groups on meet up, there are social groups, widower groups and single parent groups on there, maybe dating sites as well.
Think about expanding your social circle first, try and be kind to yourself. Just take a step ahead a time.
No matter what happens, you will always have your beautiful daughters. Good luck!!!!

Merry Christmas daddysgirls. You sound a wonderful dad

Thank you again for all the support , it’s been ok and I think the girls have enjoyed it more than previous years , just dreading tonight when all the kids disappear to there rooms , that’s the time when I miss siting down with someone

Hope you have all had a good day , the girls haven’t fought all day and I was really touched by the presents they bought

Avoid Plenty of Fish and Tinder. Just people wanting a quickie.

Try Bumble or Zoosk. Friends have had success on both.

Never heard of them but I will have a look , thank you

It's not easy mate being a single parent. I am fairly new to this game with two young ones. It's a hard sell when you haven't got much free time for somebody. This time of year makes it worse. It's perfectly normal to have a wobble or a dark moment. I suspect most of us have at some point, I know I've had a few. If your like me it just helps to get it out on here. But there are many ways to make the best of our life's. Maybe as your kids get less dependant on you it's time to seek new opportunities or hobbies? Maybe try to worry less about being alone and just get out there and explore? As someone else put you can be surrounded by people as still feel alone. So maybe you need to look to fix yourself first and then let things flow naturally? All I know from experiance is however dark and however long a bad period is the sun still comes up eventually.

I am sure it will and thank you , being alone when surrounded by family is a strange thing to feel but I can’t help it . It will get better , it has to !!!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42477266

Sarah Millican, the comedian, has started a twitter conersation for people wanting a bit of company, who for various reasons are alone this Christmas.

There is more loneliness than I ever imagined even when surrounded by family . Today has been ok but more than anything I would love to have plans for tomorrow involving someone close . Despite having a partner for a few years since my wife died in 2009 I have slept alone for 99per cent of the time and I hate it ! Kids are happy and they seem relaxed and not anxious about me so must have done something right . A happy Christmas to you all

Started the day with high hopes , but it just seems to have fizzled out .

Hi ya, i commented briefly up thread, but was on my way to family for lunch. The first time dc and I haven't been alone on Xmas day in about ten years. Circs meant we were in different countries.
I've not shared a cosy bed for twelve years so I know what you mean.
What were your plans today, are you okay?

Why don’t you all go for a walk today?

Have to spoken to your children about how you’re feeling?

I would recommend POF as pp said. Just for the socialising aspect of it, it will get you chatting to others. My friend uses it a lot as she gets incredibly lonely too.

I didn’t really have any plans , feeling ill dosnt help , I will see what the kids want to do and go from there , the eldest is going to her boyfriend parents tonight but I will miss her . I so miss a cosy bed . How are you ?

I will be going for a walk soon , I live near a lovely beach so will stretch my legs with the dog . Kids won’t come though !!!

My children were 16 and 18 when we lost my dh/their dad, also in 2009, so I can empathise with you and your situation. I went on to the dating sites, mainly looking for companionship rather than a serious relationship and also joined a bereavement support group and some adult education classes. My children are now adults and making their own way in the world. It hasn't been easy - my son still doesn't talk much about that time, although my daughter has dealt with it better. I'm now 56 and have recently married again.

Life will get better. Your ex is an ex for a reason, she wasn't the one. Your late wife gave you 3 wonderful daughters and you can all keep her memory alive by chatting and reminiscing about the good times. Christmas is one of the hardest times of the year, because your friends go home to their families and have partners to spend time with. You have a family but not yet a partner. While I am not suggesting you sign up for internet dating as a must, it would certainly get you out there socialising, but if this doesn't appeal, how about thinking about some hobbies - even if you could find a club/classes during the week/week day, i.e. walking/cooking classes/languages/gym. Your girls are getting older, soon they will be independent and you will have more time to socialise without needing to be there all the time for your daughters. They will soon understand that you need to have some "me" time too. Trying to establish a more social life for yourself will also help you cope more easily when that time comes that your girls would rather be with their friends/boyfriends than with their dad!

Wishing you the best of luck in 2018.

Thank you , I’m going to do the internet dating thing soon , it’s just I live in the middle of nowhere and will probably struggle but I have to try . All my girls don’t talk too much about there mum and I respect there reasons , we all know how wonderful she was and will never forget . But it’s time for me to move on and they are keen to find me someone . I’m starting pilateas soon because of years of thinking I was indistructable so maybe it will open a few doors ?

Hi, I'm OK thanks, I live in a quiet area too, so know that it has it's challenges when your a sole parent.
It's quite beautiful where I live but empty of blokes.
I'm on Pof, it's okay for a look though I haven't looked for a couple of months.
Again finding time is tricky!
I've got a dog and a beach so might do that today, dc still in bed 😀

before starting to date, maybe find things to do that make you happy, some hobbies and some social/church groups or even volunteering, things that get you moving and keep you busy but can be fun at the same time and once you are ready become social too... build up your confidence and learn to be happy and content with your own company, once you get that you will find just simply by being happy you reflect that attitude to those around you and others are drawn to you and without even looking or expecting to find someone they will just one day be right there, so go out and think only of having a great day/time and enjoy even if you have to fake it until you make it as it were!

Did you have your walk on the beach ?

Christmas has been ok largely thanks to the kindness and reassurance from so many of you but a dark cloud is now over me . I finished the relationship with my ex due to her cheating and nastyness when I wouldn’t give up time with my children even though she wouldn’t come and be with us all ( very short version ) . I have since heard she is in a real mess and had attempted to take her own life because of me . I feel terrible but had to end it , the hatred she had for me and my girls was to much to cope with anymore . How do I deal with it ? I’m never going back to her but hate the fact she is in such a mess , I want a new start with someone who cares and need to get the whole terrible nightmare out of my head .